silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

[panzer]

[Edvard]

^^ Very cute, but excuse me if I make a few changes to the Linux list; having been "in a relationship" with Linux for ~12 years now, I can honestly say:

Simplicity	"It's complicated"
Beauty	With a little makeup...
Self-confidence	Bordering on arrogant
Strength	Leaps tall paradigms in a single command line
Power	Depends on diet
Financial Mgmt	Self-sufficient... Donations accepted
Trust issues	Forgive and forget... as long as you use Shift+Del
Privacy	Your secret is safe with me... for now
Hobbies	Supercomputing, clustering, hacking, pretending to be nicer than I really am
Security	You've heard of this Fort Knox place, right?
Tantrum	You change kernels without updating initramfs, I change your face without updating the pretty parts
Heart-breaker	You haven't uninstalled me yet, is it love?
End of day thought	Wow, that was quite an adventure!

[Renegade]

^ Similarly cute!

But this puzzles me...

Security

You've heard of this Fort Knox place, right?

-Edvard (September 25, 2014, 08:38 PM)

Isn't Fort Knox empty?

[IainB]

My personal opinion is that in a thread about silly humor, we could do without the thinly veiled religious/political insult posts.
You may find it funny, but it's contrary to the spirit of this site.
____________________________________

-mouser (September 22, 2014, 04:26 PM)

My 12½ y/o daughter sent me this link. It's actually got some interesting and some funny stuff there on that site.
[Link removed]

-IainB (September 22, 2014, 07:50 AM)

Hi IainB,
I think that link was completely inappropriate, both for this thread and for DC at large. Further, I'd appreciate if you kept posts that single out and make fun of particular political or religious views out of the "silly humor" thread. Just because you find some kind of wry, sardonic humor out of it, doesn't mean it belongs in this thread. This thread is meant for lighthearted and fun humor.
Please help keep this thread lighthearted.
____________________________________

-Deozaan (September 22, 2014, 04:30 PM)

Sorry, I just now got around to looking through this thread and picked up the above comments.

There is a biblical prohibition in the Old Testament (Leviticus 19:28) against what we nowadays would probably call "tattooing" - "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD." (body markings were associated with paganism in the rabbinic period). This follows as a similar prohibition in the (much younger) Koran - which is soundly based on the Old Testament. Tattooing - particularly of women - had been apparently common at the dawn of Islam, and was similarly regarded as a pagan rite.

Western democracy is generally secular (not governed by or based on religion) and the same goes for the the prevailing laws. However, history shows that the earlier Western governments and laws were generally non-secular (governed by or based on religion - Christianity in particular), and one still sees the custom of (say) swearing under oath with one's hand on a Christian bible (though the Koran is now also sometimes used, I gather, in some parts).

Islamic countries are called Islamic because they are based on non-secular Islamic law and may also be Islamic theocracies (rule by priests in the name of a god). Similarly "The Theocracy" was the commonwealth of Israel from the time of Moses until Saul became King.

It is customary and quite legal in Western societies for people to be tattooed in any way they want. The Maori Ta-moko (a tribal/pagan and customary tattoo) being a typical example. As above, however, this sort of thing is expressly forbidden today in the Koran and under Islamic law.

It is customary and legal by definition In Islamic law for men to marry girls of age 6 and upwards, and have sexual relations with girls (as their wives) under the age of 16 - what in the West is discreetly referred to as the "age of consent". However, this is forbidden by law in most/all Western societies, and the label "paedophilia" is despised and the act of a man or woman having sexual relations with under-age children or sodomising or sexually abusing children is a serious offence and punishable by law.

Any Westerner who would question, criticise or condemn the religious customs or laws of Muslims in the case of men marrying little girls would presumably be ignorant of the fact that their Western laws are much younger than those 1,400 year old Islamic laws permitting this.
Furthermore, they would probably be ignorant also of the facts that it is only Western psychiatry that has invented and defined paedophilia as a psychological disorder, and that has invented and defined a law against under-age sex, where previously no such Western concepts existed, and that apparently members of the British parliament (e.g., including, more recently, a woman member of the Labour party) have been supportive of movements related to the Paedophile Information Exchange and a progressive movement pushing for the liberalisation of "consensual" sex with minors. Thus the continuation of the criminalisation of the latter - in the UK at least - is by no means a given certainty.

I asked my daughter, did she think she was making either a religious or political criticism by pointing out that very funny joke to me?
She said categorically "No", and added that it was both very funny and true (and funny because it was true), but because it was true it was also an unfunny and serious matter to her, and especially to her very best friend Alia (not her real name).
My daughter and her BFF Alia have grown up and gone to school together for about 5 years at least. Alia has just turned 11 and is the daughter of the family of our personally very close friends and neighbours  - a man  (Alia's father) and his wife (Alia's mother), and another man (Alia's uncle). The two men are doctors, and they fled Iran, with Alia being born a New Zealand citizen. The two doctors knew that only one of them was qualified sufficiently to act as a doctor in New Zealand, and so accepted that they would suffer hardship in income and economic living standards as a result (which they have suffered).
It seems that, when they went back to Iran about 4 moths ago - for the first time as a family - to spend a month with relatives, a local man made a very insistent and persistent proposal to marry Alia (then aged 10), and would only desist after being flatly rejected by another of Alia's uncles who was a respected elder in the village.
The thing is, under Iranian law, the proposal was already supported by default, by virtue of the leading cleric (Khomeini) having decreed "Let not your daughter's first blood be in her father's house".

I am aware of these things, and you would presumably not be, but you can perhaps now understand why it would be incorrect to suggest that I was criticising a religion per se (I do not criticise it - it is a near-perfect system of laws), and ludicrous to suggest that it might also be a political criticism. It was neither  It was simply - as my adoptive older brother Khaled (himself a Pakistani Sunni Muslim) said, "A sad reality", and the joke was "Sadly, funny - the elephant in the room".

[app103]

IainB - I think what mouser and Deozaan are saying is that it would be better if religious and political humor that could be considered offensive by our members was kept out of this thread. (We have the Basement for that)

I don't see a problem with light-hearted "religious" humor, though, such as the following:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Luke 14:10?' The priest removed his hand.

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Luke 14:10?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Luke 14:10 . It said, 'Friend, go up higher, then shalt thou have glory'

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

[IainB]

IainB - I think what mouser and Deozaan are saying is that it would be better if religious and political humor that could be considered offensive by our members was kept out of this thread. (We have the Basement for that)
I don't see a problem with light-hearted "religious" humor, though, such as the following:
...

-app103 (September 25, 2014, 09:35 PM)

@app103: Thankyou, your opinions are always of interest, I'm sure. However, in this case I was merely responding to what was quoted (as above) and did not really need a third party to helpfully attempt an interpretation of what was written, nor was I inviting argument or debate, but merely pointing out and substantiating the conclusion which I led up to in the final paragraph, and which thus stands on its own two feet without my having to substantiate it further.

If @mouser or one of his forum mediators had simply gone [snip] with the comment, or maybe (say) asked me to delete it - because they didn't like it, for whatever good reason - then that probably would have been fine by me. It is @mouser's forum, after all.
However, if they instead leave the blessed thing there and then start to criticise and/or label me in pejorative fashion for their false assumptions/perceptions (QED) - for example, that I had (say) made a "thinly veiled religious/political insult" - then I would feel obliged to point out what I did, in my own defence.
I cannot passively stand by and accept that people may project their own ignorance or false perceptions onto me and as a result they then feel this justifies them making false/inaccurate written statements or accusations about me or my actions, in public - and this is a public forum.

Regarding the joke you tell above: I am very familiar with that joke, and it is not in my vast database of jokes simply because it does not get past my filter, viz: I don't blindly save in my database every joke I come across, but only the ones that make me smile or laugh, and that aren't too cruel to the butt of the joke, and that aren't too extreme (e.g. racism, sexism).

I am sorry to have to tell you that the joke you tell is an old (I think I was 13 when I first heard it), childishly simplistic and stupid joke, making a ridiculous sexual allusion about the practitioners (a nun and a priest) of the RC faith and whose faith forbids such sexual activity, and deliberately misinterpreting a scripture. I refuse to make that sort of fun of such people or deliberately misinterpret a scripture so as to ridicule a faith or a scripture. Perhaps if it were told in a self-effacing way by (say) an RC priest, I could find it funny, though a little strange. Otherwise, I'd leave telling that sort of thing, for example, to (say) religious people who might do it to hide their embarrassment about the strength of their own religion or religious conviction, or to (say) the more moronic practitioners of another religion - Atheism - who always seem to delight in mocking other religions with similarly stupid jokes.

Even if it might make a valid point, I do not like to poke stupid fun devoid of any irony, or that makes vicious criticism/derision, at any religion, nor do I encourage other people to do so - e.g., the so-called "art" of the Madonna in a Condom, or the Piss Christ.

The joke I gave a link to has just the right pattern: though we can see that it is not entirely rational, it is cute (clever), simple, ironically oh-so-true, and descriptive of the elephant in the room - which all goes towards making it qualify as good for a decent belly laugh.
I could, for example, (say) have linked to a joke about RC priests sodomising choir boys, or something, but I wouldn't, because that just would not have carried the irony of being true as a rule, since  - though we all know it goes on as a deviation/exception - there is definitely no RC law/rule permitting that behaviour.

[Renegade]

This movie trailer is just toooooo funny!

[tomos]

Well, I have a much better understanding of where you're coming from Iain, after your last post.

FWIW (possibly because I was brought up Catholic - and haven't heard it before) I find App's joke very entertaining, but sadly also inappropriate for dc.

@IainB, you responded to mouser's labeling of your post, but you did not respond to the general desire to keep religious (and political) topics out of this thread - and out of dc in general (exception basement). There was a general agreement to avoid political and religious topics in dc, so what I dont understand is this: why post something where it is not wanted?

[Renegade]

I rather liked app's joke there and thought it was cute.

I also grew up with a lot of religious and racist humour that was simply hilarious. Anyone else ever watch The Dave Allen show? That was great stuff!

So, cheers for Dave Allen! 

H°i°c~!°°°

But racist humour isn't all *that* bad. 

Ed McMahon
God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.

Winston Churchill
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English.

Barry McCaffrey
When I get a very generous introduction like that I explain that I'm emotionally moved, but on the other hand I'm Irish and the Irish are very emotionally moved. My mother is Irish and she cries during beer commercials.

Irish Quote
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to Heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven.

Irish Proverb
Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbor. It makes you shoot at your landlord and it makes you miss him.

Alex Levine
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

Happy Hour in Newfoundland

A Newfie saw a sign at a restaurant.

It read...

Happy Hour Special:
Lobster Tail & Beer.

"Lard Tunderin Jaises!" he says to himself, "Me tree favourite things!"


One Wish

A young, Newfoundlander man was walking around a field in Newfoundland, when he came across an old well. He walked up to the well, just to get a look. He noticed an old looking bottle in the well bucket. He picked it up. And suddenly a genie appeared before him.

The genie said, "For freeing me, I will grant you one wish."

The young man said, "Ok. I wish that there was a bridge going from Newfoundland to the mainland, you know, like the P.E.I. one."

The genie said,"I am sorry, but I can't do that. That would be TOO much change. That would be ALMOST impossible. It would change too many peoples lives."

So the young man thought for a second, then said, "Ok, then. I am a proud Newfoundlander, and I am sick and tired of everyone making fun of Newfoundlanders. SO I wish that Newfound landers were as smart, or even smarter than ANYONE else in the world. Or at least smarter than any other Canadian."

The genie said, "So, do you want two lanes, or four?"


I had a non-stop supply of Newfie jokes when I was a kid because I had a lot of Newfie friends.

My favourite Newfie joke has to be done in person, and really requires the proper situation, which of course involves snow...

But I also love humour that dumps on nationalities.

Q: Why does Celine Dion want to purchase the Montreal Canadiens?
A: Because she wants to ruin more than just music!
Q: What's the difference between an American and a Canadian?
A: A Canadian not only has a sense of humour, but can also spell it.
Q: What's the difference between Canada, Mexico and America?
A: America has nice neighbours.
Canada: Home of the largest French population never to surrender to Germany
Finally got my Canadian history exam results back.. I got an EH
In Canada the seasons are: Almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.

http://au.askmen.com...an-comebacks_10.html (more at the link with comebacks)

What's the difference between a dove and the Canadian Air Force? At least a dove can get off the ground.

Why did the Canadian cross the road? To get in the middle!

You know you're from Canada when you think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only eight buttons.

What is big and white and found in Vancouver? A lost polar bear.

In Canada there are two seasons: six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.

I had a chance to meet the Canadian military. What a nice guy.


It's not about race, or sex, or religion -- it's about the attitudes towards them. Often this says more about the listener than the speaker, which may or may not be simply a thin skin or desire to feel victimised in order to feel special. Often it's about the speaker and malicious or hateful intent behind the joke, which isn't funny.

Source: Raised Irish Canadian Christian

"Racist" humour (etc.) can be a source of fun and enjoyment if it comes from the right place. (Or, some people just need a chill pill.)

[TaoPhoenix]

(Faux indignation)

Oh yeah? Oh yeah?
Did you hear the joke about the fastest runner in the world?

.
.
.
.
.
.

Sorry, I can't tell you. It's racist.

[Edvard]

 

[Arizona Hot]

Nobody's going to use your coffee mug anymore

[Renegade]

This is my favourite syllogism/argument. You bring this up, and you win instantly! 

[Deozaan]

How is that a syllogism?

An instance of a form of reasoning in which a conclusion is drawn (whether validly or not) from two given or assumed propositions (premises), each of which shares a term with the conclusion, and shares a common or middle term not present in the conclusion (e.g., all dogs are animals; all animals have four legs; therefore all dogs have four legs.)

[Renegade]

How is that a syllogism?

-Deozaan (September 27, 2014, 10:00 AM)

That was a part of the silly joke. It's not. But it is treated as though it is very often.

[Deozaan]

OK. Sorry.

[Renegade]

New movie about Jimi Hendrix has none of Jimi Hendrix's music in it. 

https://www.techdirt...s-to-copyright.shtml

Jimi Hendrix Biopic Opens Today... Without Any Jimi Hendrix Music, Thanks To Copyright
from the seems-to-be-missing-the-point dept
As you may have heard, there's a new movie opening today about a transformative year in Jimi Hendrix's life, called Jimi: All Is By My Side. The story sounds pretty interesting, but there's one big element that's missing: Jimi Hendrix's original music.

HAHAHAHA~!

Don't try to understand. You'll only be left in a purple haze of manic depression. There must be some way outta here...

[wraith808]

There is a great quote describing what copyright law was supposed to be in the comments there...

There are some slight differences between property law and copyright law.

When you own a house, that's your house, the public isn't involved in the process(buying, renting, selling) at any point. Copyright however was meant to be a deal between the creator and the public("We'll give you exclusive rights and related legal rights for a limited time to your works, so you can be incentivized to create more, but in exchange once that limited time is over with the rights to it go to the public so people can build off of what you've created"), it was never meant to be a welfare system for heirs and 'estates' like actual property.

This is one of the big reasons I believe that any copyright term lasting past death(at most) is excessive, the creator at that point is dead, they're not being given incentive to create squat, so at that point it's time for the public to receive their half of the deal.

Also, I've seen this mentioned before when the subject has come up, but if you believe that copyright should be treated the same as any other property, do you believe that is should ever go to the public domain? You don't have to give your car up after X number of years, nor your house, if copyright is just another category of property, why the difference?

As well, if a copyright is a property like any other, well, you pay taxes on your house and car based upon their worth, clearly paying taxes on a copyright is only fair as well. I'm sure the likes of Disney would love that.

[dantheman]

Ever wondered why Newfies always swim at the center of the pool?
Its 'cause they're crazy on the sides.

Why do Newfies swim at the bottom of the deep end of a pool?
Its 'cause deep down, they're really not that bad after all!

(translated from original French).

[app103]

The Internet of Things!

[mouser]

hahahahaha

[Arizona Hot]

Zombies just want to pick your brain.

[Renegade]

Zombies just want to pick eat your brain.

-Arizona Hot (September 29, 2014, 01:11 PM)

FTFY.

[app103]

Zombies just want to pick eat your brain.

-Arizona Hot (September 29, 2014, 01:11 PM)

FTFY.

-Renegade (September 29, 2014, 01:15 PM)

Vegetarian zombies just want to eat grains.

[Edvard]

THIS!