silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

[Renegade]

How does downloading something for free fund anything? Please tell me that's photoshopped or somehow satirical.

-Deozaan (August 20, 2014, 11:12 PM)

Unfortunately, I don't think it is. But the insanity is still funny in a dark way.

EDIT: I did a bit of Photoshop analysis on it, and it looked like it was shopped (some lines were a bit straight). So I looked into it more. See here:

http://boingboing.ne...ng-the-london-1.html

Apropos of yesterday's blog post about the insane, paranoia-inducing "anti-terrorism" posters the London cops have put up, Peter Mahoney offers this remix of the "A bomb won't go off because weeks before, a shopper reported someone for studying the CCTV cameras. Don't rely on others: if you suspect it, report it." poster.

Still, quite insane.

And more:

http://boingboing.ne...es-of-the-paran.html

Some really good ones.

EDIT 2: Tracked this down: http://digitaldiscon...ranger-than-fiction/

Don't they know that many folks have allergies to peanuts! Shame on them!

-Deozaan (August 20, 2014, 11:12 PM)

Hahaha!

A> Dafuq?
B> Dafuq?
3> DAFUQ?

-Stephen66515 (August 21, 2014, 08:28 PM)

Ooooh! I love multiple choice!

Umm... 3! It's option 3!

[KynloStephen66515]

For any fellow bikers here on DC, here you go xD

[tomos]

How does downloading something for free fund anything? Please tell me that's photoshopped or somehow satirical.

-Deozaan (August 20, 2014, 11:12 PM)

Unfortunately, I don't think it is. But the insanity is still funny in a dark way.

EDIT: I did a bit of Photoshop analysis on it, and it looked like it was shopped (some lines were a bit straight). So I looked into it more. See here:

http://boingboing.ne...ng-the-london-1.html

-Renegade (August 21, 2014, 10:30 PM)

here's images of the original billboards (and commentary)
http://boingboing.ne...ne.html#previouspost

[app103]

So, my town installed a really expensive, high tech security system in our local high school, with plans on expanding this to eventually include all the schools in the district. This was their knee jerk response to the Sandy Hook school shooting incident.

And in addition to the school district now being too broke to afford things like books for the kids, there have been some issues with the security system...like a teacher being trapped, locked in the bathroom for hours, and nobody knowing where she was.

We’ve received reports that yesterday, a Belleville school teacher was locked in a bathroom at the High School due to the RFID system malfunctioning. Since school policy is to not allow the use of cell phones, no one knew where she was, or what happened to her until they went looking for her. Luckily, the teacher was carrying her purse, with her phone inside. When her co-workers retrieved their phones to try to call her, they found that she had been frantically trying to call and text people to come help her.
 
 By the way, this is the same RFID system that the Board of Education pushed through as part of their controversial surveillance system, installed and managed by Clarity Technologies Group, at a cost of $2 million.
 
 Even worse, when they actually discovered that she was locked in the bathroom, they could not open the door by swiping with their own RFID cards because the system had malfunctioned. Apparently someone had to come and pry open the door to finally get her out."

http://nutleywatch.c...teacher-in-bathroom/

Yes, I feel bad for the teacher that was trapped, but this is still funny, in a sad sort of way.

[IainB]

@Stephen66515: That vid re Hitler's motorbike was the 1st Hitler parody I ever saw. Absolute classic.

[Deozaan]

When her co-workers retrieved their phones to try to call her, they found that she had been frantically trying to call and text people to come help her.

-app103 (August 22, 2014, 05:30 AM)

Um... Why not call someone outside of the school to come help?

[wraith808]

When her co-workers retrieved their phones to try to call her, they found that she had been frantically trying to call and text people to come help her.

-app103 (August 22, 2014, 05:30 AM)

Um... Why not call someone outside of the school to come help?

-Deozaan (August 22, 2014, 12:23 PM)

It doesn't say that she didn't.

[app103]

When her co-workers retrieved their phones to try to call her, they found that she had been frantically trying to call and text people to come help her.

-app103 (August 22, 2014, 05:30 AM)

Um... Why not call someone outside of the school to come help?

-Deozaan (August 22, 2014, 12:23 PM)

This is the first school in the US with a security system like this.

Calling someone outside the school would be like calling someone in another country. What could they possibly do to help you?

Because getting into that school is like trying to break into the Pentagon, and getting out is like trying to escape from a maximum security prison, if you are not a student or employee with a key card. And even then, it's tough, as you can see from this incident.

Not even a parent can get in there. The school is on constant high security lock down.

I would hate to think what it would be like if they switched it to maximum security lock down (which is supposed to be done if there is a shooter in the school, which could only be an employee or student, with the way it's all set up), where they deactivate all cards so nobody can move from room to room, and nobody gets in or out, even if they have a card.

[KynloStephen66515]

When her co-workers retrieved their phones to try to call her, they found that she had been frantically trying to call and text people to come help her.

-app103 (August 22, 2014, 05:30 AM)

Um... Why not call someone outside of the school to come help?

-Deozaan (August 22, 2014, 12:23 PM)

This is the first school in the US with a security system like this.

Calling someone outside the school would be like calling someone in another country. What could they possibly do to help you?

Because getting into that school is like trying to break into the Pentagon, and getting out is like trying to escape from a maximum security prison, if you are not a student or employee with a key card. And even then, it's tough, as you can see from this incident.

Not even a parent can get in there. The school is on constant high security lock down.

I would hate to think what it would be like if they switched it to maximum security lock down (which is supposed to be done if there is a shooter in the school, which could only be an employee or student, with the way it's all set up), where they deactivate all cards so nobody can move from room to room, and nobody gets in or out, even if they have a card.

-app103 (August 22, 2014, 07:26 PM)

Oh yes...I can see the logic there.......There is a shooter in a room with 50 people...so let's lock the fucking doors so the people can't escape and end up making the shooter more and more pissed off so they probably end up doing way more harm than (s)he could have otherwise done...

[app103]

Oh yes...I can see the logic there.....

-Stephen66515 (August 22, 2014, 07:40 PM)

There is no logic in this security system. It was a knee jerk reaction and a chance for some profitable corruption, on the part of the local school board (a school board member has a relative that works for the company that was paid to set this whole thing up).

But enough about this basement worthy topic. Back to the jokes!

[KynloStephen66515]

Oh yes...I can see the logic there.....

-Stephen66515 (August 22, 2014, 07:40 PM)

There is no logic in this security system. It was a knee jerk reaction and a chance for some profitable corruption, on the part of the local school board (a school board member has a relative that works for the company that was paid to set this whole thing up).

But enough about this basement worthy topic. Back to the jokes!

-app103 (August 22, 2014, 07:46 PM)

I forgot to wrap that in a <sarcasm> tag lmao...and...if we are completely honest....that whole scenario sounds like a joke anyway...so it fits right in here haha!

[app103]

and...if we are completely honest....that whole scenario sounds like a joke anyway...so it fits right in here haha!

-Stephen66515 (August 22, 2014, 08:24 PM)

Our high school is sooo secure, that a teacher can't even use the bathroom without it becoming international public knowledge.

Yup, that fits right in here. 

[Giampy]

[Arizona Hot]

When trying to connect to a PC on a network in Mac OS X Leopard (10.5) or later, the PC's icons are displayed as beige VGA monitors showing a Windows 3.1/9x Blue Screen of Death. The fact that they Apple chose to represent PCs such an outdated style of monitor and blue screen might have been part of the insult in itself.

TakeThat-Real Life - Television Tropes & Idioms

[app103]

When trying to connect to a PC on a network in Mac OS X Leopard (10.5) or later, the PC's icons are displayed as beige VGA monitors showing a Windows 3.1/9x Blue Screen of Death. The fact that they Apple chose to represent PCs such an outdated style of monitor and blue screen might have been part of the insult in itself.

TakeThat-Real Life - Television Tropes & Idioms

-Arizona Hot (August 25, 2014, 02:52 PM)

The equivalent on the Windows side, would have been to represent a Mac as this classic icon, in childish toy colors, like bubble gum pink.

[Renegade]

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Spoiler

None, it's a hardware problem.

How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Spoiler

Two. One to screw in the bulb and another to hold the penis I mean ladder.

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler

Two. But who knows how they got in there.

How did the hipster burn his hand?

Spoiler

He changed the lightbulb before it was cool.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler

Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer,” and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb,” do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed-upon duties, i.e., the illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation, at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder, or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counterclockwise direction, said direction being non- negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every reasonable caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed-upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform, and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counterclockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (“Receptacle”), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part (“New Light Bulb”). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in Step 1 of this document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above-described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of commerce and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as “The Firm.”

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

Spoiler

You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

How many divorced women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Spoiler

4. 1 to change the bastard and 3 to set up a Support group

How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb?

Spoiler

We don't know. They are not allowed in the house.

More here. (Many NFSW ones there.)

[app103]

This is not from the Onion.

Construction mishap leads to squiggly dividers on Virginia highway

[Renegade]

This is not from the Onion.

Construction mishap leads to squiggly dividers on Virginia highway

(see attachment in previous post)

-app103 (August 26, 2014, 11:30 AM)

This is obvious lolbertardian sabotage! They hate roads!

[app103]

This is not from the Onion.

Construction mishap leads to squiggly dividers on Virginia highway

(see attachment in previous post)

-app103 (August 26, 2014, 11:30 AM)

This is obvious lolbertardian sabotage! They hate roads!

-Renegade (August 26, 2014, 12:08 PM)

Or tape terrorists. 

[Giampy]

[wraith808]

GROOTING

grootːɪŋ/

verb

gerund or present participle: grooting

1. to move tree-rhythmically to The Jackson 5.

"his arms grooted like branches in the wind "

2. move in a quick and lively way.

"Grooting came naturally to Michael Rooker. [X]”

[x16wda]

^ 

[Arizona Hot]

Aug. 27, 2014: Motocross rider Maikel Melero of Spain warms up in the South African savannah prior to the fifth round of the Red Bull X-Fighters World Tour, as a giraffe stands in the foreground.

Don't break your neck

[Shades]

Please fill in a password:
carrot

Sorry, passwords require 8 characters or more:
cooked carrot

Sorry, passwords require at least one number:
1 cooked carrot

Sorry, no spaces allowed in passwords:
50cookedcarrots

Sorry, passwords require at least one capital letter:
50FUCKINGcookedcarrots

Sorry, no subsequent capitals allowed in passwords:
50FuckingCookedCarrots

Sorry, no curse words allowed in passwords:
NowIGetReallyAngryIfMyPasswordIsStillIncorrectShoveThose50CookedCarrotsUpYourBum

Sorry, that password is already taken:
...

[Renegade]

Please fill in a password:
carrot

Sorry, passwords require 8 characters or more:
cooked carrot

Sorry, passwords require at least one number:
1 cooked carrot

Sorry, no spaces allowed in passwords:
50cookedcarrots

Sorry, passwords require at least one capital letter:
50FUCKINGcookedcarrots

Sorry, no subsequent capitals allowed in passwords:
50FuckingCookedCarrots

Sorry, no curse words allowed in passwords:
NowIGetReallyAngryIfMyPasswordIsStillIncorrectShoveThose50CookedCarrotsUpYourBum

Sorry, that password is already taken:
...

-Shades (August 27, 2014, 07:10 PM)

Hahaha!

I can relate... I hate when my passwords are rejected. Especially when the error message is something like:

Passwords must be 10 characters or less.

It's like some BOFH trying to limit passwords to match his set of rainbow tables.