...And I thought that the new math was bad...but this new education system has really got me baffled.

-Stoic Joker

Oh, you mean how

3x4=11?

The Common Core way is just silly. Here's

one mom showing 8+5.

Like... geez... Anyways, here's the logic:

Make the 8 a 10 and break down the 5 into 2 and 3, with the 2 going into the 8 to make 10, then add 3 to the 10 to get 13.

Who thinks like that?

Here's the natural way...

So, 8 and 5... well, 5 is 1 short of a 6-pack, so take 1 from the 8 to add to the 5 to get that 6-pack. But there's no such thing as a 7-pack, so take 1 from that and you've got 1 and 2 x 6-packs, and everyone knows 2 x 6-packs is a 12-pack, so add the 1 to the 12-pack and you've got 13 beer.

This is called "Drunken Math" and it is infinitely versatile.

For example... say someone doesn't drink a lot of beer. Let's just say they're one of those lilly-livered sissies that drinks overly sugary fizzy wine or vodka coolers that come in 4-packs... It still works. 5 is a 4-pack plus 1 more, and 8 is 2 x 4-packs, which gives you 12 plus the 1, so 13 sissy coolers.

Now, for the seasoned alcoholics out there, we can even jump straight to vodka, and the math starts to get more exciting.

For the moment, we'll assume that mickey's are for sissies (which are often 12 ounces, which factors into 2x2x3), so we're only talking about 26ers (has 13 in there as a prime factor), 40-pounders, and litre bottles. Shots range from 30 to 60 ml, with a 1.5 ounce shot being 43 ml (about), which is prime. Like, good grief! How many ways are there to count and add? Many! So many ways!

Drunken Math also works with other bases, such as sexagesimal. For example...

Tom, Dick and Harry are out drinking. After 1 hour, Tom drives home while Dick and Harry continue to drink for another 5 hours. Dick bails and Harry sticks around for 1 more for the road, or crawl as it were. How many hours and minutes in total did they all drink? Easy!

Tom drank 1 hour

Dick drank 1+5=6 hours

Harry drank 1+5+1=7 hours

So they drank 14 hours or 840 minutes. But probably more like 15 hours or 900 minutes because Harry likely snuck a few along for the walk home, which is about an hour away give or take.

Asking how much they drank is another matter though as we don't know if they upchucked after leaving, and it's likely that Harry did, but whether or not chucking counts negatively hasn't been strictly defined.

But, the time thing there is really easy because we're only working in round numbers like 60 or 360.

There are so many, many nice round and lovely numbers out there. Here are just a few of my favs in order! (Some truncated.)

- 0
- 1
- 1.618
- 2
- 2.718
- 3
- 3.14
- 5
- 6.28
- 7
- 8
- 11
- 13
- 17
- 19
- 21
- 23
- 29
- 31
- 34
- 37
- 41
- 43
- 47
- 53
- 55
- 59
- 61
- 67
- 71
- 73
- 79
- 83
- 89
- 97
- 144
- 233
- 377
- 610
- 987

Now, some deserve multiple mentions, but nobody wants to see 0, 1 and 2 win every single time. Like, the fractional numbers have it hard enough already!

I should've been a math teacher.

°°hic°°°