It occurred to me in a salient moment of pessimistic whit that an alien master race prior to going extinct, goofed up the creation of the Solar System in a markedly 'human' political tour de farce, somewhat as follows;
The Asteroids were a prime example of bickering between rival political factions, a la alien-style 'Republicans vs Democrats', in which the original planet got accidentally blown to pieces by super weapons.
Mars' water was appropriated by the Saturn faction to populate Saturn's ice rings.
Earth's Moon was set up as a penal colony, and its pockmarked surface is the result of successive armed uprisings, all of which were put down by prison wardens.
Venus is a bio-weapons experiment gone wrong.
Jupiter is a combination comet- & asteroid-sweep, and cleaning solution storehouse of ammonia bi-chemical compounds.
Pluto was intended to be a way station but got placed in the wrong orbit.
Earth was supposed to be a theme park vacation resort, in which the park flora & fauna got loose because of plate tectonics, and took over.
Mercury was a botched attempt to turn a gas giant into another Earthlike planet by putting it too close to the Sun, causing it to go too far in a misguided plan to boil off its unwanted gaseous shroud and leaving a burnt-out cinder.
Uranus' north-south axis was the original orientation of the entire planetary system, including the Sun, all of which somehow got misaligned due to a data conversion error in the Solar System's original template optics.
Neptune remains a perplexing mystery, except that it was rumored to have originally been annexed from the Alpha Centauri system, which wanted it back.
