Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content] (Read 3931250 times)

Target · « **Reply #1750 on:** June 19, 2013, 08:00 PM »

Jesus has been known to appear in some pretty unorthodox (religion joke!) places, like in the bark of a tree, a frying pan or delicious Cheeto, and even in a damn blessed grilled cheese sandwich. J-C has been spotted once again… in this dog’s B-U-T-T. Homeboy is wearing his signature robe and everything!
(see attachment in previous post)
http://www.incredibl...d-in-a-dogs-bum-bum/
-app103 (June 18, 2013, 06:34 AM)

I'm probably going to get flamed for this (!!) but I can't help thinking they've been assking for it...

wraith808 · « **Reply #1751 on:** June 19, 2013, 08:20 PM »

Russian Tampon Commercial
Your puny western ads don't work on russian women.

http://www.liveleak....iew?i=95c_1371654375

app103 · « **Reply #1752 on:** June 20, 2013, 05:58 AM »

I'm probably going to get flamed for this (!!) but I can't help thinking they've been assking for it...
-Target (June 19, 2013, 08:00 PM)

My daughter only had one thing to say about it:

Holy shit! Literally! Every time that dog takes a crap, they could make a fortune selling it on ebay.

40hz · « **Reply #1753 on:** June 20, 2013, 06:26 AM »

So with this text based one you can point out what I am supposed to be seeing and then I can see it.

But for the normal ones, I have tried all the suggestions over the years that involved defocusing, looking at it cross-eyed, looking at it from certain angles, or from a certain distance, with my glasses off, etc. And even when you tell me what it is that I am supposed to be seeing, even when you take your finger and point it out to me, all I see is the noise.
-app103 (June 15, 2013, 11:34 PM)

Maybe that's just a natural consequence stemming from a lifetime of looking squarely at reality and not being too easily bedazzled?

app103 · « **Reply #1754 on:** June 20, 2013, 06:30 AM »

Maybe that's just a natural consequence stemming from a lifetime of looking squarely at reality and not being too easily bedazzled? :Thmbsup
-40hz (June 20, 2013, 06:26 AM)

Or observing the tiny but important details that others often miss.

40hz · « **Reply #1755 on:** June 20, 2013, 06:34 AM »

Russian Tampon Commercial
Your puny western ads don't work on russian women.

http://www.liveleak....iew?i=95c_1371654375
-wraith808 (June 19, 2013, 08:20 PM)

OMG!

Wraith! Damn!!!

And to think these guys have access to nukes!

(That's almost as scary as knowing we have access to them.)

40hz · « **Reply #1756 on:** June 20, 2013, 06:35 AM »

Maybe that's just a natural consequence stemming from a lifetime of looking squarely at reality and not being too easily bedazzled? :Thmbsup
-40hz (June 20, 2013, 06:26 AM)

Or observing the tiny but important details that others often miss.
-app103 (June 20, 2013, 06:30 AM)

LOL!

I guess it would work out the same either way huh?

app103 · « **Reply #1757 on:** June 20, 2013, 07:35 AM »

This was a surprise. Since it's kinda PC-techo, I wasn't sure whether this should be posted here or in the general software part of the forum, but I found it amusing and so I settled for here. Probably the same method could be used to uninstall Norton Antivirus too.
It's by John McAfee himself: How To Uninstall McAfee Antivirus

-IainB (June 19, 2013, 07:36 PM)

Found in a comment to the video on Gizmodo...

IainB · « **Reply #1758 on:** June 21, 2013, 12:51 AM »

Cat stands for election in Mexican city

Campaign shines light on political disenchantment with slogan: 'Tired of voting for rats? Vote for a cat'

This cat has it's own Facebook ID, website and T-shirt.

IainB · « **Reply #1759 on:** June 22, 2013, 12:12 AM »

An American schoolchum of mine just sent me this. It's a joke about bigotry, and it pokes fun at the ludicrous irrationality of politicising sexuality or sexual orientation according to religio-political ideologies.
(I didn't know that the laws relating to homosexuality might be different in different US states.)

Daddy Long Legs
Stories about children and their views of the world are always touching.
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked.
“They're mating,“ her father replied.

“What do you call the spider on top?“ she asked.
“A Daddy Longlegs,“ her father answered.
“So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?“ the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, “No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.“
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat.
“Well,” she said, “that may be OK in California , but we're not having any of that shit in Wisconsin.”
__________________________

The above is an entirely new twist to an old joke that has been around in original form for years:

A little girl was playing...

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a daddy longlegs spider." her father answered.

"So, the other one is a mummy longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied, "Both of them are daddy longlegs spiders."

The little girl thought for a moment, then raised one foot and stamped hard on the two mating spiders, squashing them flat. "Well," she said "we're not having any of THAT sort of homo shit in OUR garden!"

IainB · « **Reply #1760 on:** June 22, 2013, 01:09 AM »

Because this could be mistaken for a political plug for anti-gun control, I thought about putting it in the Gun Control thread in the Basement, but it's a true story and too important to bury there.
It's an amazing vindication for carrying guns.

Gun control - pistol versus bear joke.jpg

Gun control - pistol versus bear joke.jpg

4wd · « **Reply #1761 on:** June 22, 2013, 02:39 AM »

Because this could be mistaken for a political plug for anti-gun control, I thought about putting it in the Gun Control thread in the Basement, but it's a true story and too important to bury there.
-IainB (June 22, 2013, 01:09 AM)

Reminds of the scene from Deep Rising where Kevin J. O'Connor and Wes Studi are running down the corridor being chased by the monster

wraith808 · « **Reply #1762 on:** June 22, 2013, 08:50 AM »

it's a true story and too important to bury there.
-IainB (June 22, 2013, 01:09 AM)

Were you being... sarcastic? I don't think this is a true story. Especially since there have been many variations on it... and that would be considered murder in any jurisdiction that I know of.

IainB · « **Reply #1763 on:** June 22, 2013, 09:18 AM »

@wraith808: No not sarcastic, merely making a joke. The whole article is a joke, and it would be silly to think it was true, and this is the silly humour thread...

wraith808 · « **Reply #1764 on:** June 22, 2013, 09:32 AM »

@IainB - the inclusion of said line muddied that for me, especially with the included point towards the basement... sorry for that.

Stoic Joker · « **Reply #1765 on:** June 22, 2013, 01:43 PM »

If you go after a bear with a .25 ... You deserve to get eaten.

What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?

Beretta does make a damn fine .25, but I prefer to carry a .40 because it's good to be sure..

I do however have a 9mm for dress occasions.

Tinman57 · « **Reply #1766 on:** June 22, 2013, 08:57 PM »

If you go after a bear with a .25 ... You deserve to get eaten.

What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?

Beretta does make a damn fine .25, but I prefer to carry a .40 because it's good to be sure..

I do however have a 9mm for dress occasions.
-Stoic Joker (June 22, 2013, 01:43 PM)

I used to have an Uzi .40 cal S&W. Beautiful gun, very accurate with stopping power. Now I either pack my M1911A1 .45 Auto or my Ruger 38 Special. When roaming around my land I carry my .45/410 loaded with 410 Magnum buckshot. It's really almost impossible to miss anything with that. lol

IainB · « **Reply #1767 on:** June 24, 2013, 02:33 AM »

...It's really almost impossible to miss anything with that.
-Tinman57 (June 22, 2013, 08:57 PM)

Yes, when I used to go hunting rabbits at night, with two of us riding shotgun on a moving tractor, we both had 12-bore double-barrelled shotguns. Difficult to miss anything. Have to make sure and remove all the buckshot from the meat though, otherwise you might break a tooth.

IainB · « **Reply #1768 on:** June 24, 2013, 02:34 AM »

A chemistry joke:

Alcohol is a solution (T-shirt).jpg

x16wda · « **Reply #1769 on:** June 24, 2013, 05:24 AM »

A chemistry joke:
(see attachment in previous post)
-IainB (June 24, 2013, 02:34 AM)

You know, of course, if you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the precipitate...

IainB · « **Reply #1770 on:** June 24, 2013, 05:30 AM »

^^ Yes. I like that one too.

IainB · « **Reply #1771 on:** June 24, 2013, 05:33 AM »

Very droll joke from UK:
Posted as:

Samizdata joke of the day
By Natalie Solent (Essex) · Humour · Media & Journalism · UK affairs

What’s the difference between Fleet Street and Hacked Off?

One is a consortium of the rich and powerful with little respect for the law that has been given unwarranted access to our government, and the other… waaait a minute.

- Solent Minor

app103 · « **Reply #1772 on:** June 24, 2013, 11:13 AM »

George Takei's review for a Ninja Folding Grappling Hook on Amazon.com.

MerleOne · « **Reply #1773 on:** June 24, 2013, 12:17 PM »

George Takei's review for a Ninja Folding Grappling Hook on Amazon.com.
-app103 (June 24, 2013, 11:13 AM)

Excellent !

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #1774 on:** June 24, 2013, 11:36 PM »