silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

[IainB]

Engineers and mathematicians. (an old favourite of mine)

Three engineers and three mathematicians are travelling by train to a conference.

At the station, the three mathematicians each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a mathematician.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The mathematicians take their respective seats, but all three engineers cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The mathematicians see this and agree it is quite a clever idea, so after the conference, they decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed mathematician.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train, the three mathematicians cram into one toilet and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the engineers leaves the toilet where the three were hiding and walks over to the toilet where the mathematicians are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

[TaoPhoenix]

That's a new one Iain. Most of those jokes are all about "look how stupid X group is" but without actually being clever. That one is different!

[app103]

A Ten-Month-Old’s Letter To Santa

[Arizona Hot]

silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]   silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]   silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Dark Roasted Blend Wildly Funny Frogs

[40hz]

Three from Drew Frank. (my kind of twisted humor...)

silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

[superboyac]

  at the 2nd one!

[IainB]

Prince Charles and the prostitute.

Prince Charles decided to take up an evening walk each day, along the streets of London. He decided on a fixed route, so his security guards would always be able to keep tabs on him, walking a respectful distance in front and behind.
On one particular street corner, he would always pass the same prostitute standing there touting for business.

He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
"One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout.
"No! Five pounds!" he'd shout back at her, just to shut her up.

This exchange between him and the prostitute became a daily ritual.
She'd yell, "One hundred and fifty pounds!"
He'd yell back, "No! Five pounds!"

One evening, Camilla decided to accompany her husband on his walk.
As the couple walked in the direction of the prostitute's corner, Prince Charles realised she'd probably bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd been doing on all his previous outings.
He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife.
As they neared the prostitute’s corner he became apprehensive - sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as the prostitute watched the pair pass, and he sighed inwardly with relief - she said nothing as they passed by.

Then, just as he thought he was safe, the prostitute suddenly yelled after his receding back, "See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard!"

[IainB]

Camilla's new shoes.

Princess Camilla bought a pair of new shoes for her wedding day, but the shoes got increasingly tighter and tighter as the day wore on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and the couple retired to their bedroom, Camilla flopped onto the bed and said, "Charles, darling. Please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me!"

The ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour, but it would not budge.

"Harder!" yelled Camilla.

"Harder!" Charles yelled back, "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"

"Come on! Give it all you've got!" Camilla cried.

Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"

In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See? I told you, with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"

Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove Camilla's left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God, darling! This one's even tighter!"

At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy! Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"

[Arizona Hot]

Do country music songs like "Your Cheatin' Heart" and "You Always Hurt the One You Love" mean you can steal the heart of Texas?

Do carpenters prefer sheetrock and roll?

[TaoPhoenix]

Borrowed from the Basement:

Renny invents a new HTML 5 tag!

"<WHIP>Oh man... I've been keeping all of this out of the Living Room entirely. Sad When I saw you post in this thread, I thought I was in trouble yet again. </LASH!>"

[Deozaan]

Amazing sleight of hand by Magician Yann Frisch.

(I know that's what the video title says, but I wrote it out to be search friendly)

[Deozaan]

Cell phone crashing at the airport.

At first I thought it was only slightly amusing, but as it went on I couldn't help smiling and laughing more and more. 

[MerleOne]

Cell phone crashing at the airport.

At first I thought it was only slightly amusing, but as it went on I couldn't help smiling and laughing more and more. 

-Deozaan (December 15, 2013, 04:33 PM)

Excellent !  Thanks for the find(ing?).

[TaoPhoenix]

Cell phone crashing at the airport.
...
At first I thought it was only slightly amusing, but as it went on I couldn't help smiling and laughing more and more.  

-Deozaan (December 15, 2013, 04:33 PM)

Yeah Deozann that's pretty classic. Amazing we haven't seen that before, it's an "easy" stunt to pull. : )

[app103]

Cell phone crashing at the airport.

At first I thought it was only slightly amusing, but as it went on I couldn't help smiling and laughing more and more. 

-Deozaan (December 15, 2013, 04:33 PM)

Now, that might be a reason for me to have a cell phone. I wouldn't even have to pay for service to do that. 

[TaoPhoenix]

Amazing sleight of hand by Magician Yann Frisch.

(I know that's what the video title says, but I wrote it out to be search friendly)

-Deozaan (December 15, 2013, 04:07 PM)

Haha! Now we know the true cause of the 2008 Financial crisis!

   

[TaoPhoenix]

Cell phone crashing at the airport.

At first I thought it was only slightly amusing, but as it went on I couldn't help smiling and laughing more and more. 

-Deozaan (December 15, 2013, 04:33 PM)

Now, that might be a reason for me to have a cell phone. I wouldn't even have to pay for service to do that. 

-app103 (December 15, 2013, 05:52 PM)

Heh yeah App, you can get a fake discarded cell phone for like ten bucks, right? "...Entertainment ... priceless!"

P.S. You can annoy Flight Attendants with it... when they ask you to "turn off your cell phone" you can rip it in half! "There. Satisfied??!"  : )

[app103]

Cell phone crashing at the airport.

At first I thought it was only slightly amusing, but as it went on I couldn't help smiling and laughing more and more. 

-Deozaan (December 15, 2013, 04:33 PM)

Now, that might be a reason for me to have a cell phone. I wouldn't even have to pay for service to do that. 

-app103 (December 15, 2013, 05:52 PM)

Heh yeah App, you can get a fake discarded cell phone for like ten bucks, right? "...Entertainment ... priceless!"

P.S. You can annoy Flight Attendants with it... when they ask you to "turn off your cell phone" you can rip it in half! "There. Satisfied??!"  : )

-TaoPhoenix (December 15, 2013, 05:54 PM)

I was thinking how much fun it might be on a bus through Newark, NJ. Might not even have to use an actual cell phone. Might be able to get away using an old pocket pc. Who the hell would know the difference, these days, between a 13 year old Jornada 540 and a smart phone?

[TaoPhoenix]

I was thinking how much fun it might be on a bus through Newark, NJ. Might not even have to use an actual cell phone. Might be able to get away using an old pocket pc. Who the hell would know the difference, these days, between a 13 year old Jornada 540 and a smart phone?

-app103 (December 15, 2013, 05:58 PM)

You wouldn't. ... we're thinking the same lines, aka useless faux hardware. I just am not leet enough to have a Jornada.

<<Tao worships App for 17 minutes>>

[app103]

You wouldn't. ... we're thinking the same lines, aka useless faux hardware. I just am not leet enough to have a Jornada.

<<Tao worships App for 17 minutes>>

-TaoPhoenix (December 15, 2013, 06:02 PM)

It's not all that AND a bag of chips...just the bag of chips. 

[TaoPhoenix]

Borrowed from the NANY thread.

New Apps for the New Year. Out with the old in with the new. New, new, new, all this focus on new .

As a counterweight (and because I didn't manage to come up with a good idea for this year, but don't tell mouser), I decided to release this little DOS 16-bit game, which I wrote roughly 15 years ago!

-Jibz (December 16, 2013, 10:42 AM)

Too good to pass up!

 

[Deozaan]

Which is this? The best commercial ever, or the best commercial of all time?

[MerleOne]

Which is this? The best commercial ever, or the best commercial of all time?

-Deozaan (December 19, 2013, 01:24 AM)

Very nice find, thanks !  Maybe this is also a plot to discourage Chinese to send men to the moon in the upcoming years...

[Shades]

Which is this? The best commercial ever, or the best commercial of all time?

-Deozaan (December 19, 2013, 01:24 AM)

Very funny...but wouldn't physics be in the way? How far does sound travel in the near vacuum that is space?

[MerleOne]

Which is this? The best commercial ever, or the best commercial of all time?

-Deozaan (December 19, 2013, 01:24 AM)

Very funny...but wouldn't physics be in the way? How far does sound travel in the near vacuum that is space?

-Shades (December 19, 2013, 05:21 AM)

I think the monster is able to perceive radio signals, so he can hear what the astronauts say or any noise coming from within their suit.  Just a hunch...