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« on: September 12, 2017, 05:14 PM »
Got these off the web someplace a long time ago... None were written by me.
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A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows!
All computers wait at the same speed.
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Willyoupleasehelpmefixmykeyboard?Thespacebarisbroken!
All I need to know is the user interface.
Any program that runs right is obsolete.
A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
A user friendly computer first requires a friendly user.
A user will find any interface design intuitive...with enough practice.
Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]?
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
Cannot load Windows 95, Incorrect DOS Version.
COFFEE.EXE Missing---Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
I'm air conditioned. Please close all windows!
I'm not intelligent, I only think I am.
I am unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
I can never replace human stupidity.
I follow your orders, not your intentions.
I make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
Deleting all district server backups--please wait.
Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts!!!
Don't let the computer bugs bite!
DOS Tip: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
Email returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
Error:015: Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.
Error: Problem exists between keyboard and chair.
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software.
.....File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
For any problem there is a solution that is simple, quick, and ultimately worse than the problem.
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Hi, my name is Any Key. Please don't hit me!
Hiroshima..45........Tjernobil..86........Windows..95....
Hit any user to continue.
Home is where the computer is plugged in.
I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
I have a dream: 10737418245685 bytes free.
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on Steve's USB drive!
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it.
Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking.
It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
When I said "Insert Dist 2," I meant for you to take Disk 1 out first!!!
It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature.
Okay, you made it work. Now good luck remembering what you did!
Keyboard : Instrument used to enter errors into computer.
Keyboard not connected, press F1 to continue.
MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating System Hangs.
Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...
Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]
Melted fruit snacks found on Keyboard. Delete nephew?
Mommy! The cursor's winking at me!
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
Of course I know how to copy disks. Where's the xerox machine?
One person's error is another person's data.
One picture is worth 128K words.
Owners of digital watches: Your day's are numbered!
Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue....
RAM Card is NOT an installation procedure.
Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.
Scheduled Release Date: A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.
Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.
The box said: 'install on Windows 95, NT 4.0 or better'. So I installed it on Linux.
The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.
There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
There are only 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.
These settings will have no effect until you restart the system. Reset Universe?
Those who can teach; those who cannot HACK!
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
User error: replace user and press any key to continue.
Warning, keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue.
What boots up must come down.
Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
Why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?
Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
Windows 3.1 not found: (C)heer, (P)arty, (D)ance?
Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO something.
WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.
Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology.
You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.
You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you'll need that version.
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Edit: Actually, I've used #2 many times over the years... So that's were I got it from!
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