silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

[Giampy]

http://www.dailymail...d-Mediterranean.html

-Renegade (September 09, 2013, 03:18 AM)

That's why in the last days seagulls in that zone are so euphoric...

[IainB]

This is not a political joke...



...it's a joke about solvent abuse...

[IainB]

[Renegade]

First, there was Cock Puncher...



Then, there was Cock Muncher!

http://www.theguardi...anthony-watts-banned

Penis bite lands Anthony Watts eight-match ban, say reports
• Incident occurred during local rugby league final
• Latest in series of incidents for former NRL star

Ex-NRL player Anthony Watts has reportedly been handed an eight-match ban for biting an opponent's penis during a local rugby league final on the Gold Coast.

...

Video footage of the incident shows the Jets player reeling away in pain after clashing with Watts near the goal line.

He then quickly pulled down his shorts to show the damage to a referee who immediately placed Watts on report.

  Seriously?

BWAHAHAHAHAHA~!

[jamiesheerin]

  looking for some read 1024 stuff

[kyrathaba]

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

[kyrathaba]

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

[kyrathaba]

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

[Renegade]

^ Those were excellent! 

[kyrathaba]

Gotta love engineers

[Stoic Joker]

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

-kyrathaba (September 11, 2013, 09:23 AM)

Oh dear ... The punch line is actually quite close to the answer I typically give - like during job interviews - for that exact question (Which is: the glass is to big for the task at hand, and leave me out of your silly  :)ing exorcise).

[app103]

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

-kyrathaba (September 11, 2013, 09:23 AM)

Oh dear ... The punch line is actually quite close to the answer I typically give - like during job interviews - for that exact question (Which is: the glass is to big for the task at hand, and leave me out of your silly  :)ing exorcise).

-Stoic Joker (September 11, 2013, 11:10 AM)

While I have been insisting since childhood, in all seriousness, that the glass is completely full.

[Stoic Joker]

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

-kyrathaba (September 11, 2013, 09:23 AM)

Oh dear ... The punch line is actually quite close to the answer I typically give - like during job interviews - for that exact question (Which is: the glass is to big for the task at hand, and leave me out of your silly  :)ing exorcise).

-Stoic Joker (September 11, 2013, 11:10 AM)

While I have been insisting since childhood, in all seriousness, that the glass is completely full.

-app103 (September 11, 2013, 03:11 PM)

Which asserts that the serving size is correct, and that the seemingly extra rim space is simply a requirement of/for safe yet rapid transport.

Hm... I like it!

[app103]

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

-kyrathaba (September 11, 2013, 09:23 AM)

Oh dear ... The punch line is actually quite close to the answer I typically give - like during job interviews - for that exact question (Which is: the glass is to big for the task at hand, and leave me out of your silly  :)ing exorcise).

-Stoic Joker (September 11, 2013, 11:10 AM)

While I have been insisting since childhood, in all seriousness, that the glass is completely full.

-app103 (September 11, 2013, 03:11 PM)

Which asserts that the serving size is correct, and that the seemingly extra rim space is simply a requirement of/for safe yet rapid transport.

Hm... I like it!

-Stoic Joker (September 11, 2013, 03:59 PM)

It's just my recognition of the half a glass of air that everyone else ignores. 

[Renegade]

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

-kyrathaba (September 11, 2013, 09:23 AM)

Oh dear ... The punch line is actually quite close to the answer I typically give - like during job interviews - for that exact question (Which is: the glass is to big for the task at hand, and leave me out of your silly  :)ing exorcise).

-Stoic Joker (September 11, 2013, 11:10 AM)

While I have been insisting since childhood, in all seriousness, that the glass is completely full.

-app103 (September 11, 2013, 03:11 PM)

Which asserts that the serving size is correct, and that the seemingly extra rim space is simply a requirement of/for safe yet rapid transport.

Hm... I like it!

-Stoic Joker (September 11, 2013, 03:59 PM)

It's just my recognition of the half a glass of air that everyone else ignores. 

-app103 (September 11, 2013, 05:06 PM)

Which can only mean that there's room for another bottle of wine!

[IainB]

Found this letter to the editor copied on tallbloke's blog. Brilliant.
(OCR'd using MS OneNote.)

A short guide to the Middle East From Mr KN A1-Sabah.    Sir, Iran is backing Assad. Gulf states are against Assad!    Assad is against Muslim Brotherhood. Muslim Brotherhood and Obama are against General Sisi.    But Gulf states are pro-Sisi! Which means they are against Muslim Brotherhood!    Iran is pro-Hamas, but Hamas is backing Muslim Brotherhood!    Obama is backing Muslim Brotherhood, yet Hamas is against the US!    Gulf states are pro-US. But Turkey is with Gulf states against Assad; yet Turkey is pro-Muslim Brotherhood against General Sisi. And General Sisi is being backed by the Gulf states!    Welcome to the Middle East and have a nice day. KN A1-Sabah, London EC4, UK

[Renegade]

^^ Heheehe! Say wut? Would be interesting to see that done as a kind of flow chart.

[Stoic Joker]

Would be interesting to see that done as a kind of flow chart.

-Renegade (September 12, 2013, 03:42 AM)

Just google circle jerk ... I'm pretty sure it's the same thing.


It's been said that the best way to avoid getting raped in prison is to sit down and keep your mouth shut. The US really should take that advice to heart me thinks.

[kyrathaba]

The US really should take that advice to heart me thinks.

+1

[Shades]

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King's chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a
little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.

Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their
chambers.. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching
powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours,
Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his
payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't
have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to
the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching
powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.

The moral of the story - Pay your bloody bills !!!

[Arizona Hot]

When NASA launched their LADEE probe to the moon they also launched a frog, but don't know where it went.

silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

LADEE frog launch

That's one small launch for NASA, one giant leap for a frog.

[mouser]

they also launched a frog, but don't know where it went.

i think it's safe to assume he went to the great froggy heaven in the sky.

[Renegade]

they also launched a frog, but don't know where it went.

i think it's safe to assume he went to the great froggy heaven in the sky.

-mouser (September 13, 2013, 01:11 AM)

That's a very nice way to say he croaked.

[app103]

A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.

"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.

"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".

"Then show me", replies the interviewer.

So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colors before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.

"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".

"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".

"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.

"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

[Arizona Hot]

Nobody has done a  Friday the 13th post yet, even though it's 2013, so I will.  Who knows, someone may get sucked into their monitor a la "Poltergeist" yet today.  
                                                  silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]



Friday the 13th