In XP Pro, I use the Group Policy Editor (Start>Run... gpedit.msc, OK)
Once the window opens, click to expand the following:
Local Computer Policy>Computer Configuration>Administrative Templates>Windows Components>Windows Update
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Then double-click 'Configure Automatic Updates' and select when and how you want to be notified of new updates. You may choose, for example, the following:
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Then configure 'No Auto Restart...' and 'Re-prompt for restart...'
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Then OK out and close the Editor.
Works for me!
Jim