Help Proofreading a submission

[wraith808]

It's in the original post.

[wraith808]

I've updated the sources (including Google Docs) after radio silence for a while.  The deadline has been pushed to the 31st of Oct, but I'm still trying to get it done ASAP.  I'm having trouble on the resolution- I've posted what I have for that last chapter, but I'm not convinced it's the right direction.  It could be phantom limb pain as in my aggressive edits I removed a whole combat and action sequence, but looking at the goal of the wrap up and what I'm trying to accomplish, as cool as the setup on that last mission was, it wasn't really necessary.  But now I'm struggling with how to convey the situation without telling it.

[4wd]

Looking good, I really hope this turns into something bigger than a short story someday 

[TaoPhoenix]

I've updated the sources (including Google Docs) after radio silence for a while.  The deadline has been pushed to the 31st of Oct, but I'm still trying to get it done ASAP.  I'm having trouble on the resolution- I've posted what I have for that last chapter, but I'm not convinced it's the right direction.  It could be phantom limb pain as in my aggressive edits I removed a whole combat and action sequence, but looking at the goal of the wrap up and what I'm trying to accomplish, as cool as the setup on that last mission was, it wasn't really necessary.  But now I'm struggling with how to convey the situation without telling it.

-wraith808 (September 12, 2013, 12:30 PM)

(Disclosure - my focus has been bad again, I haven't read it - these are macro level comments!)

Hmm. Is there a word limit? (Why else wouldn't you just tell a situation?)

And about something being in the "right direction", what total overall mood are you trying for? I for one could suggest various things but if the desired mood is not what is actually there, it would go off track.

[wraith808]

Yes, there is a word limit.  Even so, I wouldn't just tell it as I think in this case, it's irrelevant.  It was good bang-up action, but it wasn't relevant to the story.  And as he doesn't have his memory, it's more of a dawning realization- a putting together of the pieces- that I'm going for.

[4wd]

@wraith: Inquiring minds and all that ... what happened?

[wraith808]

I still don't know... waiting.

You did read the last part, didn't you?  It was rushed because of work and all, so realistically, I don't expect to get accepted.  But it was a start... and I'm continuing on for NaNo, hoping to get my game based off of it done by the end of the week, and then hoping as soon as I get rejection to start on a rework to an entire novel.

[wraith808]

And just in case you're interested... when I submitted it (about a month ago now), I was 130 in the queue.  Now I'm 77.  So I've got a wait.

[4wd]

You did read the last part, didn't you?

-wraith808 (November 25, 2013, 09:20 PM)

Sorry, when you went on hiatus for a while there it kind of passed me by.  You should of given me a figurative 4x2 over the head when I didn't say anything. 

... and then hoping as soon as I get rejection to start on a rework to an entire novel.

Always good to aim high ... but honestly, I can't wait until you turn it into a full novel 

[kyrathaba]

honestly, I can't wait until you turn it into a full novel

+1. Same here. It's high-quality work.

[wraith808]

Well, I finally got my rejection letter for any that were following.  So I guess it's on to the full novel and self-publishing route!     I don't look at it as a rejection or a door closed, but rather possibilities shown...