Looking back at this one:
When the gun was taken apart fully, he produced eight specially made tungsten components that he would need to properly modify the casing and triggering mechanism.
I think the following flows better but that might be my accent
He plugged in a soldering iron and set it carefully aside to begin heating, then took a set of folding hexagonal screwdrivers from his overalls chest pocket, and began disassembling the Taser. With the gun fully apart, he produced eight specially made tungsten components that he would need to properly modify the casing and triggering mechanism.
Just wondering, I know that Taser is used generically to refer to electroshock/stun guns much as Velcro is for hook/loop fasteners but, also like Velcro, isn't it a trademarked name and therefore needs to be capitalised?
You might have picked some of these up:
Chapter 5:When have I ever shown anything but grace under pressure and good judgment under fire?
I believe the term is "grace under fire", so possibly:
When have I ever shown anything but grace under fire and good judgment under pressure?
“As a matter of fact, I did not authorize the ‘excursion’ to the Shaft that took place on the evening of Monday, June 11th.
“As a matter of fact, I did not authorize the ‘excursion’ to the Shaft that took place on the evening of Monday, June 11th.
”But she’d had all that sort of action she wanted, and I allowed her to go into Environmental.
But she'd had enough of that sort of action, and I allowed her to go into Environmental.
We think Byron designed a two-setting pistol, powered by miniature power cell.
We think Byron designed a two-setting pistol, powered by
a miniature power cell.
Judging by the corpse of the alien, the first shot was high velocity particle spray...
Probably works with or without:
Judging by the corpse of the alien, the first shot was
a high velocity particle spray...
...cause them to salivate all the more at our now heightened fear.
...cause them to salivate all the more at our now heightened fear.
”...so that those who come after us may benefit from foreknowledge.
...so that those who come after us may benefit from foreknowledge.
”Chapter 7:Administrator Mephord raised his eyebrows, not looking at anyone specifically, lips momentarily pooched.
??? Is this some quaint Americanism or was there really a dog in his mouth ?
I have heard of 'screwed the pooch', is this the oral sex version ?
Or did you mean '
pursed' ?
Chapter 8:“Jaimie, hello. How goes Operation Moving Deeper?
“Jaimie, hello. How goes Operation Moving Deeper?
”“Understood, the administrator replied. Just make sure the robots disperse the rock far and wide once they exit the shaft. ....
“Understood,
” the administrator replied.
“Just make sure the robots disperse the rock far and wide once they exit the shaft. ....
It contained data that described it (hair color, number legs, length of its tail, etc.) and various behaviors associated with it (getting hungry, licking its owner, peeing on the carpet).
It contained data that described it, (hair color, number
of legs, length of its tail, etc.), and various behaviors associated with it, (getting hungry, licking its owner, peeing on the carpet).
--------------------
When I made the comment about imperial measurements I was joking but I've now realised what caused me to make it.
When you've referred to a persons attributes or the result of an action, they've been imperial, eg.
He was a heavy man in his late fifties, maybe five foot seven and two-hundred and fifty pounds.
...and the entire platform rang with the impact and dropped a foot,...
Which is fine for me.
Description of the structure of the compound has been in metric measurements except for a couple of inconsistencies which stuck in my head.
...contemplating plummeting headfirst into the pool of chemicals and waste materials sixty feet directly below her. The tank was large, but only about five feet deep.
If we’re able to continue at this rate, we can be at a depth of one-thousand feet below the entrance to Main Channel Two in another...
Small things and it's probably just me.
