Now that the sun has finally reappeared after a prolonged absence it reminds me of a time when I was much younger that I lived and worked on a farm for a while.
The farm I was on was quite remote, the nearest neighbour was a couple of miles away and the nearest village about the same again.
The nearest town was quite some distance and although there was a road past the end of the track into the farm it was too far away to hear much in the way of traffic.
So apart from the occasional aeroplane high above the majority of sounds came from the animals.
Whichever direction you looked there was
rolling countryside as far as you could see, something that was particularly noticeable on the way home from the pub on Saturday night.
There was quite a range of animals on the farm although their main business was poultry, which is probably where I picked up so many fowl jokes.
Actually, I don't know if any of you have ever thought about it but birds, of all sorts, are among the sexiest creatures on the planet.
Look at what happens to them even before they hatch!
My favourite times were May and June, although their older sister April wasn't bad either, but she never seemed as warm to me. They were all Girl Guides, which is how I got to meet them.
It always amused me years later when they allowed girls into the Scouts. I had been a Girl Guide long before they even thought of that.
I used to stand outside the village hall on Friday nights saying "This way girls".
Saturday night at the pub was the event of the week though, they had a sing-along and as I said in the last paragraph there was a lot of local talent.
I remember there was one bloke who was always on about his
combine harvester.
Another one actually became famous for a while when he came up with the
OAP Anthem of the year.
The couple whose farm it was were both locals and I suppose typical of the area. He looked as solid as a rock, and she was built like a brick outhouse.
He was quite pedantic and he could be really outspoken if he heard someone describe something the wrong way, it got him in trouble a few times.
Every week he and I used to drive to the livestock market in the nearest town. Because it was the biggest place for miles around not only did it attract local farmers but also a lot of tourists.
I remember on one occasion he and I were standing by the animal pens and a couple walked up who were obviously not local. I don't think they had seen many farm animals before either.
The woman turned to her husband and said "Look at all those cows", the farmer's ears instantly stood up and he looked her straight in the face and said "Bullocks".
Well! It took twenty minutes to get her husband off of the farmer, and even then he wouldn't accept his explanation.
Ah, those were the days.
This is another extract from
Pilgrim: A Brief Hystery.
