20 year Reunion ("there's nothing closer to heaven than being a grad of '87")

[Darwin]

Well let's see... getting married, having two beautiful boys, sunrise over Goose Spit, the Northern Lights. I dunno, I didn't even break a sweat coming up with those...

I find myself confronting some strange emotions. I've just received an R.S.V.P. for a 20th year reunion for graduation from high school (G.P.Vanier - go Towhees!) and find myself feeling REALLY bitter about it and not wanting to go. Forget bitter, I'm feeling angry. I don't really know why. Sure, I hung out with some real pieces of work (you know, the crowd that just HAD to out do each other cutting everyone else down) but life circa 1987 wasn't really that bad, so I can't figure out why I just want to mock the whole thing and simultaneously (contradictorily - is that a word?) have nothing to do with it.

Anyone either facing a similar milestone and trying to decide what to do or willing to relate "how it went" when you returned to face the "crowd" 10 or 20 years on?

PS I didn't attend my 10 year reunion... was living an working in Korea at the time.

[BigJim]

Haha. Double that and (now) more for the class of '63. I've kept in touch with the few classmates that I found worthwhile on my own. And since I had little to do with the rest of the slobs then I was certainly not going to cross the street to see them 40 years later.

The thing that really frosted my socks was the gold digging "year book" outfits hounding me with post cards ("Authorized by the Principal"!!) and then the phone calls - including my relatives, name coincidences and who knows what else. They were trying to track me down for current information to publish ... to all those bozo's and, of course, get a fee in the process. I ripped a strip off of one particularly persistent caller then told her that I'd been a spy for many years now and couldn't tell her anything - or else I'd have to ... well, you know the rest.

Stay home with the beauty you've come to appreciate. You'll only be disappointed and annoyed if you go. IMHO.

[Darwin]

Thanks BigJim. You've captured some of what I'm feeling in the first couple of sentences: I've kept in touch with the people that I wanted to keep in touch with and have no desire to reconnect with anyone else. I'm also glad that I'm not alone in being quite annoyed by the requests for information about what I've been up to for the last twenty years. It feels rather invasive. Maybe I'm just overly private (sensitive?) but I haven't had anything to do with something like 380 of the 383 people (OK I made those numbers up - but it was a large grad class and I have only kept in touch with three people that I can think of... and I've not even kept in regular contact with them) that I graduated with - why would I want to publish details about my life for everyone to read?

[nudone]

i went to my class of 85 reunion a few years back and i have absolutely nothing good to say or remember about it (i removed my name from friendsreunited the day after the reunion).

of course, there is no way of knowing how your reunion will go until you are there, Darwin. it sounds like you could well enjoy it because you are already weary of it, i.e. expect the worst that could happen and you'll probably be surprised how enjoyable it all is.

i clearly was expecting it to be like seeing old 'friends'. the reality was that it was like standing in a room with a few hundred complete strangers - i only recognised about 25% of the people there, the conversations lasted about 5 minutes then i was ready to leave.

some of the people i wanted to see again weren't there so that didn't help - probably if they had been there then our conversation would have been stilted anyway.

bottom line is this. there will be good reasons why you've not kept in touch with people, why put yourself in an artificial situation with them now. i'm sure there can be enjoyable things about these reunions but overall they are just like ways to work out how you fit into the pecking order of your old school associates.

what i'd really suggest is this. go to the reunion wearing a disguise or just stick your head around the entrance door and take a look at everyone - then run away and don't look back.

(i'm not a total miserable b*stard, i do still have friends from school that i see regular. i'm also very capable of having a pleasant conversation with a stranger at a bus stop. i'm not a total pariah - honest.)

[Darwin]

(i'm not a total miserable b*stard, i do still have friends from school that i see regular. i'm also very capable of having a pleasant conversation with a stranger at a bus stop. i'm not a total pariah - honest.)

Thanks nudone - that gave me a good chuckle  Pretty much sums up one of the fears that I have about my reaction to the reunion - am I just a miserable cuss?

[BigJim]

No, you're not a miserable cuss. It sounds to me as though you have a life and have grown. A lot of those folks are trying to relive the past.

On the other hand, the folks who organize and promote these things are probably the ones that were gregarious and outgoing in HS and perhaps continue to be so. I suspect that we are among kindred spirits here and not part of the above mentioned. We are more ... shall we say ... introspective.

[Darwin]

No, you're not a miserable cuss. It sounds to me as though you have a life and have grown. A lot of those folks are trying to relive the past.

On the other hand, the folks who organize and promote these things are probably the ones that were gregarious and outgoing in HS and perhaps continue to be so. I suspect that we are among kindred spirits here and not part of the above mentioned. We are more ... shall we say ... introspective.

-BigJim (June 08, 2007, 08:21 AM)

Well said, I guess one thing I struggle with is the fact that it is possible that I am not the only one who has grown - maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised. However over the past three years or so I've run into a number of the characters I was at school with and was alarmed at how little they had changed: still vapid, materialistic, and shallow. Not a good sign and not the kind of people I'm happy about spending time with (and paying for the privilege to boot!).

[Darwin]

vapid, materialistic, and shallow

I, of course, am none of these things (my first born for more RAM!)! 

[BigJim]

RAM is very important, as we all know! Seems like a reasonable trade off to me. How much RAM would you need?

[nosh]

I am by and large asocial so take this with a fist of salt but if you really have to think about whether to go or not & it causes you some degree of anxiety/anger/etc - don't bother. Once you've decided not to, you'll rid yourself of the negative emotions & get on with your lovely life. 

[Darwin]

A couple of gigs should do it, BigJim. Sadly, my notebook is already maxed out, so it's more like my first born for more RAM (and the computer to install it in). Nosh - well said. This is what my mind is telling me - just move on. Actually, I've ALREADY moved on, just don't want to go back, so to speak.

[cthorpe]

My 10 year reunion is coming up this year.  I have no intention of going.  The few people who I would want to see probably wouldn't be the kind who would go either.  The only redeeming thing would be to go to see how the "popular kids" turned out.  I'd bet a good sum of money that most of them never left their hometown and aren't happy.

C