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Living Room / Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Last post by kyrathaba on June 25, 2013, 08:14 PM »^ My correction had an error in it 
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I even get amazed at the different things I picked up going back and reading it aloud to Sandi.
Don't open that can yet, you got one but missed the other smiley
“Thanks for the ‘UT’, buddy.”
Missing quotes:
“Thanks for the ‘UT’, buddy.” He set his cup on the table, then slid the data chip across the table. “You keep that damned
safe, S-man. We’ll talk later. Door, open for guest to exit.”
...and maybe a couple of dozen meters deeper.
Sallow-faced, he also appeared to be noticeably [leaner|thinner] than he had appeared six months [previous|ago].
...trying to [gauge|judge] the emotional temperature of the group as a whole.
I'm probably being unusually dense but every time I read that, I keep wondering what the other question is/was.
The 'just about justifies' feels strange to me, possibly:
Such puling drivel almost justifies their slow deaths he reflected.
It feels a bit contradictory to me, ie. the 'up to' specifies a time limit of 36 hours, whereas the 'at least'
specifies a minimum of 36 hours. Possibly:
...and power cells to run them at least thirty-six hours.
I think Perry mentioned this one and I'm sure there's been updates since but it still seems to be there: link
The 'go under' feels redundant coupled with immersion but it's a 50/50 thing, maybe:
That night Veronne stayed with Sethra in his cubicle.
... and with that we're stuck at the end with nothing more to read!!!
Chapter 14
Page 23.3 "Unless they grew so long that they broke off and fell into the pool." Do you think he would have seen evidence
on the ceiling of the cave of the remains of broken stalactites?
Eventually they would have found such evidence, but remember the modal height of the cavern roof is 40 meters, too far to
see clearly without powerfully spotlighting it. There were survey bots that crawled all over the cavern, but it would take
time for their data to be aggregated, and even then Grant Thompson probably wouldn't have had immediate access to such
reports (though Dr. Jaimie Ericson would).Page 23.8 "Gliding along the bottom, Grant noted “No loose stone or other detritus." Does that need punctuation?
'Gliding along the bottom, Grant noted, “No loose stone or other detritus.'
Yes, it does. Thanks!Chapter 15
Page 24.3 "The training that King Molech had mentioned the previous night at supper had begun after a breakfast of some
sort of hot creamed wheat flavored by diced up pieces of peaches." What do you think of 'The training that King Molech had
mentioned the previous night at supper had begun after a breakfast, which consisted of some sort of hot creamed wheat
flavored by diced up pieces of peaches.'... I kept stumbling over the sentence when reading it out, so it may just be me?
That does flow better, yes.Page 24.5 "The noise of clashing practice swords drifted up to them from the courtyard below" Would they have known
what practice swords sounded like?
That's a bit of narration for the reader's benefit.Page 24.12 "Please, continue educating us about the Ashwood and the orcs." Everywhere else 'The Ashwood'
Good catch, Perry. Fixed.Page 24.19 "She turned in about in her fingers" should be 'it'
I hate it when I make those most basic of typos. Yet they're so common. Like "is" instead of "it". Thanks!
You shouldn't prejudge the worth or value of something, by its outward appearance alone".
and anything else you want included