511
« Last post by Ralf Maximus on November 16, 2007, 08:39 PM »
Kind of a rhyming Homeric epic, maybe as run through a Dr.Suess filter...
WHAT THE USERS WANTED
The Users all clamored
For more features they were enamored
The Marketing team listened well
And conjured up a design from hell
The Analysts cringed; their bile they swallowed
Where Marketing tread, the Suits, they followed
So it fell to Designers, weak yet proud
To stem the craptitude from the crowd
They toiled for days, or maybe an hour
The Suits & Marketing grew ever sour
But finally the work was done! A design but completed
Now on to Development, who knew they'd be defeated
By ridiculous plans in shortened time
Stepping over dollars to save a dime
Yet worked they did, their code flew true
And compiled fine, the first time too
And when the code was declared "Complete!"
The Marketers and Suits arose to their feet
And trod in to view the final build,
Born of their sweat and fever thrilled
Upon reviewing it the Marketeers rebelled!
They stood on chairs, waved fists, and yelled!
"We gave you designs most complete,
And yet you deliver this unsavory treat
"There's NOTHING here from marketing studies
Nor tools used from our partner-buddies!
"You've ignored our plans, despite our work...
Explain yourself, you stupid jerk!"
The lead developer, he stood alone
Lord of code, he had no throne
He stood and blinked, his throat he cleared
And what he said, the Coders cheered:
"My friends, my buds, my coworkers in hell
We heeded your words, we listened well
"But what we heard was left unsaid
The things within the users' head
"You asked for jewels on golden strings
But really, all THEY wanted were simple things
"A program that works, and does it reliably
Reports that report, without the calliope
"Simple screens that save real fast
A load-time so short you can't sense it pass
"These are the things to the game we bring,
Without the foorah, the claptrap, the razzle, the bling
"So if you don't like it, I can see by the clock
I'm out of time so you can suck my--
"Wait!" said a Suit. "You discarded our reams?
You listened but intuited the users own dreams?
"You anticipated their needs, their wants?
I think you're a bunch of arrogant--
"Wait" said a user, who'd snuck in the back
"I think you're much too quick to attack
"Indeed they have sussed our wanton desires!
Your designs should be used to light funeral pyres
"You MUST release this thing, it is mostly profound
I daresay it'll be the best thing around."
Marketing & Suits, they were shocked silent.
Their urges sublimed, else they'd go violent.
The User was right, it pained them to see.
But there was one thing more right, importantly...
The user had money that the Suits wanted
If they would pay for features most stunted...
Who were they to rain on the parade?
When lemons are given, make lemonaide!
"Of course you are right," a Suit interjected
Internally counting the money soon collected
"We'll put this new version into production immediatly
That's the best and easiest route to make you happy
"As for these guys," to the Coders the Suit gestured
The Coders were thrilled, their shares might be vested!
"This is their last project here, you see
We're liquidating the group and going overseas!"
The news was a disaster! The Coders deflated
Their plans all athwarted, their futures debated
But finally the lead Coder knew a thing he could say,
Some profound words of wisdom that would carry the day.
He stood high on his chair so that all could hear
The Coders applauded but stifled a cheer
He cleared his throat, and these words he did say:
"Fuck you."
Recent Posts