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Living Room / Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Last post by Arizona Hot on August 15, 2014, 11:19 AM »Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.
Prov. People who are able to do something well can do that thing for a living, while people who are not able to do anything that well make a living by teaching. (Used to disparage teachers. From George Bernard Shaw's Man and Superman.) Bob: I'm so discouraged. My writing teacher told me my novel is hopeless. Jane: Don't listen to her, Bob. Remember: those who can, do; those who can't, teach.
http://idioms.thefre...ho+can't,+teach
Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, teach teachers. Those who can't teach teachers, administrate. Those who can't administrate, become guidance counselors. Those who can't teach, teach Gym. (From "School Is Hell," by Matt Groening.) Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, counsel. those who can't counsel, administrate. Those who can't administrate, enter data into the computer. Those who can't enter data into the computer, take dictation. Those who can't take dictation, alphabetize files. Those who can't alphabetize files, answer the phone. Those who can't answer the phone, fry hamburgers. Those who can't fry hamburgers, run the cash register. Those who can't run the cash register, wait on tables. Those who can't wait on tables, carry dirty dishes to the kitchen. Those who can't carry dirty dishes to the kitchen, wash the dirty dishes. Those who can't wash dirty dishes, peel potatoes. Those who can't peel potatoes, buff the floor. Those who can't buff the floor, haul out the garbage. Those who can't haul out the garbage, write poetry. Those who can't write poetry, write clever letters to the editor. Those who can't write clever letters to the editor, write angry letters to the editor. Those who can't write angry letters to the editor, spraypaint graffiti. Those who can't spraypaint graffiti, write screenplays. Those who can't write screenplays, write TV scripts. Those who can't write TV scripts, read scripts for the studios. Those who can't read scripts for the studios, act. Those who can't act, take acting classes. Those who can't take acting classes, sing. Those who can't sint, sing Rock'N'Roll. Those who can't sing Rock'N'Roll, sing it anyway. Those who can't sing it anyway, become depressed. Those who can't become depressed, get bitter. Those who can't get bitter, get confused. Those who can't get confused, stay confused. Those who stay confused, find it difficult to complete unfinished sentences. Those who find it difficult to complete unfinished sentences, _____________.
Old Teachers never die, they just lose their class.
UNDERGRADUATES SURVIVAL GUIDE....
You know something isn't quite right when...
You pull an all-nighter to write a paper due 8:00 the next morning only
to have the class cancelled and the paper postponed until the
following week.
The class time for the course you have to take coincides with "General
Hospital"
You've got a 750-page book to read for English Lit... and there are no
cliff notes available.
You have an affair with your professor and you flunk anyway.
The only way people can tell you're a jock is because you smell like one.
You're sociology professor asks for your opinion on euthanasia and you tell
him you've never been to China.
Someone tells you that your blind date has a "great personality."
Cafeteria food starts to taste good.
You go home for spring vacation and your old bedroom has been converted into
a den.
Your hot new romance calls to say, "Last night was terrific," and ten minutes
later you remember you spent the entire night alone in the library.
You stick to a strict diet for two weeks and gain three pounds.
You tell you counselor that all you want is a nice, good, wholesome, honest
relationship and he starts humming, "The impossible dream."
You walk into class and everyone has a blue book but you.
You run into your mother at the drug store just as the pharmacist announces
over the intercom that you birth control prescription is ready.
The only 'A' you get is in a course you decided to take pass/fail.
You discover that those who can't do, teach...and those who can't teach,
teach gym.
Someone sees your high school portrait and tells you it's a good picture.
The girl you've been dating reminds you of someone and suddenly you
realize it's your mother.
Your new roommate's name is muffy and her favorite colors are pink and
green.
Your parents actually approve of the person you've been seeing.
The cost of your books is more that your tuition.
A friend cheats off your test paper and gets a better grade than you do.
Your parents call you to borrow money.
The one time you decide to raise your hand in class, a big, round, dark
mark is clearly visible around the armpit.
The only answer you can think of to the "Why do you want to be a doctor"
question on the med school application is, "I'd like to make a lot of money".
Your new haircut makes you look like one of the women who work in the school
cafeteria(and you're a guy).
The surgeon general determines that dressing preppy can be hazardous to your
health.
You're in the bathroom outside the dean's office and you don't discover that
there isn't any toilet paper until after the fact.
You're pigging out at McDonalds and the numbers on the sign start to change.
Your roommate writes a term paper the night before it's due and gets the
research assistant grant you worked your ass off for.
Your mother starts to wonder why a single girl needs a double bed in her
apartment.
The doctor tells you that you're allergic to no-doz.
You call to say you'll be late for the big fraternity party and realize
nobody noticed you hadn't shown up.
You stay up all night studying "Western Civilization: Volume Six", only to
walk into class the next day and find out that the history exam is on volume
Twenty Six!
You're cute T.A. asks what you're doing Saturday Night and when you smile and
say, "Nothing", he suggests that you stay home and study.
The only thing that takes longer that reading "War and Peace" is the line at
registration.
The food in your refrigerator is older than you are.
"Animal House" looks autobiographical.
The bell curve works in you favor.
You actually want to study.
Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward.
Jokes
Prov. People who are able to do something well can do that thing for a living, while people who are not able to do anything that well make a living by teaching. (Used to disparage teachers. From George Bernard Shaw's Man and Superman.) Bob: I'm so discouraged. My writing teacher told me my novel is hopeless. Jane: Don't listen to her, Bob. Remember: those who can, do; those who can't, teach.
http://idioms.thefre...ho+can't,+teach
Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, teach teachers. Those who can't teach teachers, administrate. Those who can't administrate, become guidance counselors. Those who can't teach, teach Gym. (From "School Is Hell," by Matt Groening.) Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, counsel. those who can't counsel, administrate. Those who can't administrate, enter data into the computer. Those who can't enter data into the computer, take dictation. Those who can't take dictation, alphabetize files. Those who can't alphabetize files, answer the phone. Those who can't answer the phone, fry hamburgers. Those who can't fry hamburgers, run the cash register. Those who can't run the cash register, wait on tables. Those who can't wait on tables, carry dirty dishes to the kitchen. Those who can't carry dirty dishes to the kitchen, wash the dirty dishes. Those who can't wash dirty dishes, peel potatoes. Those who can't peel potatoes, buff the floor. Those who can't buff the floor, haul out the garbage. Those who can't haul out the garbage, write poetry. Those who can't write poetry, write clever letters to the editor. Those who can't write clever letters to the editor, write angry letters to the editor. Those who can't write angry letters to the editor, spraypaint graffiti. Those who can't spraypaint graffiti, write screenplays. Those who can't write screenplays, write TV scripts. Those who can't write TV scripts, read scripts for the studios. Those who can't read scripts for the studios, act. Those who can't act, take acting classes. Those who can't take acting classes, sing. Those who can't sint, sing Rock'N'Roll. Those who can't sing Rock'N'Roll, sing it anyway. Those who can't sing it anyway, become depressed. Those who can't become depressed, get bitter. Those who can't get bitter, get confused. Those who can't get confused, stay confused. Those who stay confused, find it difficult to complete unfinished sentences. Those who find it difficult to complete unfinished sentences, _____________.
Old Teachers never die, they just lose their class.
UNDERGRADUATES SURVIVAL GUIDE....
You know something isn't quite right when...
You pull an all-nighter to write a paper due 8:00 the next morning only
to have the class cancelled and the paper postponed until the
following week.
The class time for the course you have to take coincides with "General
Hospital"
You've got a 750-page book to read for English Lit... and there are no
cliff notes available.
You have an affair with your professor and you flunk anyway.
The only way people can tell you're a jock is because you smell like one.
You're sociology professor asks for your opinion on euthanasia and you tell
him you've never been to China.
Someone tells you that your blind date has a "great personality."
Cafeteria food starts to taste good.
You go home for spring vacation and your old bedroom has been converted into
a den.
Your hot new romance calls to say, "Last night was terrific," and ten minutes
later you remember you spent the entire night alone in the library.
You stick to a strict diet for two weeks and gain three pounds.
You tell you counselor that all you want is a nice, good, wholesome, honest
relationship and he starts humming, "The impossible dream."
You walk into class and everyone has a blue book but you.
You run into your mother at the drug store just as the pharmacist announces
over the intercom that you birth control prescription is ready.
The only 'A' you get is in a course you decided to take pass/fail.
You discover that those who can't do, teach...and those who can't teach,
teach gym.
Someone sees your high school portrait and tells you it's a good picture.
The girl you've been dating reminds you of someone and suddenly you
realize it's your mother.
Your new roommate's name is muffy and her favorite colors are pink and
green.
Your parents actually approve of the person you've been seeing.
The cost of your books is more that your tuition.
A friend cheats off your test paper and gets a better grade than you do.
Your parents call you to borrow money.
The one time you decide to raise your hand in class, a big, round, dark
mark is clearly visible around the armpit.
The only answer you can think of to the "Why do you want to be a doctor"
question on the med school application is, "I'd like to make a lot of money".
Your new haircut makes you look like one of the women who work in the school
cafeteria(and you're a guy).
The surgeon general determines that dressing preppy can be hazardous to your
health.
You're in the bathroom outside the dean's office and you don't discover that
there isn't any toilet paper until after the fact.
You're pigging out at McDonalds and the numbers on the sign start to change.
Your roommate writes a term paper the night before it's due and gets the
research assistant grant you worked your ass off for.
Your mother starts to wonder why a single girl needs a double bed in her
apartment.
The doctor tells you that you're allergic to no-doz.
You call to say you'll be late for the big fraternity party and realize
nobody noticed you hadn't shown up.
You stay up all night studying "Western Civilization: Volume Six", only to
walk into class the next day and find out that the history exam is on volume
Twenty Six!
You're cute T.A. asks what you're doing Saturday Night and when you smile and
say, "Nothing", he suggests that you stay home and study.
The only thing that takes longer that reading "War and Peace" is the line at
registration.
The food in your refrigerator is older than you are.
"Animal House" looks autobiographical.
The bell curve works in you favor.
You actually want to study.
Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward.
Jokes
