2001
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Lord Byron is considered one of the greatest English poets ever. Normally, words such as "badass"
don't belong in the same sentence as "poet" - something Byron was keen to change. Despite
having a club foot and a crippling eating disorder for virtually his entire life, the poet managed to
earn a reputation as an extravagant, melancholic, courageous, unconventional, eccentric,
flamboyant and controversial figure. Or to translate: He owned all of the sex.
When not boning his way through the aristocracy, Byron was really into his pets in a way that was
less like a cat lady and more like the Beastmaster. When he went to college, he tried to take his pet
dog with him. Cambridge Trinity College was having none of it and stuck to their strict "no dogs
allowed" policy, seemingly unaware that they were currently talking to Lord Fucking Byron. After
being told no. Byron pleaded with the college to make an exception, but they wouldn't budge.
Seeing an opportunity to display the subtle dignity of the poetic soul, Byron went out and purchased
a bear, then brought it to Cambridge.
It didn't take long for college officials to notice the abnormally large portion of the student body
running in the same direction while screaming . "AAAAAHHHHH BEAR!" When they confronted him
about the fact that he was essentially wagging his dick at them in front of everyone, Byron simply
asked them to show him where in the rules it said that he couldn't have a bear. Amazingly, there
wasn't a specific rule against it. Even more amazingly, Cambridge apparently operated on sitcom
logic at the time, and officials decided they had no choice but to allow the bear to stay. Presumably
they knew that if they did manage to evict the bear, Byron would have simply arrived to campus the
next day riding a sled pulled by tigers.
Byron lived quite happily with his pet bear, but he wasn't done taking a piss on officials just yet, so
he sent a sarcastic letter to the college suggesting that the bear should apply for a fellowship.
Eventually, to everyone's relief, Byron left Cambridge - presumably riding his bear into the sunset
and no doubt leaving a big steaming pile of bear shit in the headmaster's office.
The Queen's Royal Guards are a British institution charged with greeting and playing for foreign
dignitaries from around the world. In America, they are mostly known for having made Leslie
Nielson's eyes cross that one time in Naked Gun. Anytime a notable person of importance visits the
country, it's a British tradition to have the Royal Band has to play for them, and anyone who saw the
ridiculous hats on display at the royal wedding should know how they feel about letting traditions
die. But sometimes the band doesn't want to play, because sometimes the person of notable
importance is a douche bag.
The band faced just such a dilemma when Saudi King Abdullah came to Britain. Being sensitive artsy
musician types, certain band members didn't agree with the king's tolerance of human rights abuses
and his promotion of such delightful books as Women Who Deserve To Go To Hell. But it would be
breaking hundreds of years of tradition to not play for him.
The band finally agreed to go with tradition and play for the king, choosing a song that truly
represented how they felt about him: "The Imperial March (aka Darth Vader's theme song).
Of course the Saudi King had no idea what was going on, but everyone else sure did. Imagine
hearing the song associated with one of the scariest and most evil fictional men in history, then
watching this guy stroll by, surrounded by bodyguards and booing protesters.
always enjoy seeing Arizona (I was going to say the desert - but I dont know if it is - would you call it desert?)-tomos (June 29, 2015, 01:51 PM)
Spirit In The Sky lyrics.pdf (56.87 kB - downloaded 224 times.) Google Made a Chatbot That Debates the Meaning of Life.jpg (18.04 kB. 582x437 - viewed 223 times.)Is the park a Mecca for careless rich tourists who just happen to drop multi-caret gems or is it a diamond field with this particular specimen larger than most?-MilesAhead (June 27, 2015, 06:21 PM)