Let's put this through the "Ren Test"
Here is a short section from a book I am writing, which I would love to get some opinions on
Really, there is no way he could have seen this coming. Spending every day locked away in his own little world; friends all around, but loneliness so vivid. Darkness was his companion, the light; his enemy. Yet, somehow, through the mist, he saw something that made no sense, something he couldn't explain. Words cannot describe the feeling that had come over him, and all he knew, was that something was changing...something strange, something wonderful, but also absolutely terrifying. It took only a few moments for things to become clear, and he could see through the mist, he could feel the breeze. Something whispered out to him, and he knew then, what he must do, to survive.
(New Chapter)Things just didn't seem quite right, what with everything that was happening. Days seemed short, the nights long, no matter what he said, there was nothing getting through, nothing had the power to break through the wall, and that left him with a heart so powerless, his soul fading like sheets blowing into the distance. Hidden away, lost, and with an overwhelming loneliness thrust through his soul, he had no clue how to overcome the feelings of darkness that passed through him on a minute-by-minute basis. Nothing seemed to help. Life was slipping past him at an incredible rate, yet the world seemed to stay without motion, words resonating without echo, quickly evaporating into a hazy mist.
People move so quickly these days, but for reasons that are unknown, his feet are stuck in the quicksand he has created, lost in his own spirit, drowning in solitude, and with painful angst, he muttered slowly with every breath he could muster, hoping for some release, something to help him climb up from the bottom of this endless cliff, but that was a path he could not see. It is amazing to think, that for a long time, these feelings where locked, like an ocean liner trapped in a bottle or a firefly lost in the sunset.
His mind twisted like branches around an old oak tree, trying to find resolve, desperate for an end, a way through, some meaning, some light, but nothing would go right, every turn was littered with voids. He spent his days locked behind a glaring screen, sound coming through was muffled and empty, but it gave him a reason, a way forward, and a path on which to travel where he couldn't feel. Every word he tried to say, came out backwards, and it was breaking him.
The sun was falling from the sky, causing shadows to leap and bounce along the building tops. This was something he could enjoy, something that still felt right, which is why he got in the car so often at the end of the day, to find a spot to sit, somewhere to find solitude, even for a moment. Sitting there, he could think clearly, so clearly. He felt warm, and safe, while on his own, but nobody could understand. The pain in his heart, was breaking him. Simply staying here, in the place he was, and the situation he was in, was going to kill him, no other way I could put that, so much easier to be blunt about it, and there lies the problem...on several occasions, it almost did.
Skeletons littering his mind, ghosts of the past screaming into his soul, he needed an opportunity to relinquish some of the pain he was feeling, yet, there was no way out. No matter how much they spoke, their words fell before reaching the intended destination. He screamed out, but to no avail, his heart twisting with every word, beating faster than the wings of a Hummingbird in a calm summers breeze. Every ounce of his being was on fire, and yet, he was, actually, happy...once.
Recent Posts
(Currently 00:08)
Strangely, The exact accent my better half has...See the correlation there? 