Hamish the house-builder.
This little gem came with the comment that some people might say that it should actually be about someone named "Murray", and that the scene should be set in New Zealand. You can make your own observations about that, but I couldn't possibly comment, of course.
A couple on holiday in Scotland go to a local pub in a small village, and order some drinks. As they sit there, they notice that a big man sitting near to their table is staring moodily into his drink and muttering to himself. Eventually, he notices them, and turns to them. He points to a window and growls out, "D'ye no see that house doon the road there?"
The couple nod, they can see a house in the direction he's pointing.
"Aye. Wheel, I built it meself! Every board and nail. Now d'ye think folk aroond here should call me Hamish the House-builder for that?"
They shrug and say, "Why, for building just one house?"
"Mebbe not for that then? Fair enough. But suppose I tell ye I built half the houses aroond here, single-handedly! Shouldn't they be a callin' me Hamish the House-builder for that? Shouldn't they?"
They couple agree "Yeah, guess they should. That would seem pretty likely, for building all those houses single-handedly. That's pretty impressive!"
The man glares angrily into his beer and grumbles "Aye, that they should. But ye go an' f### just ONE sheep..."
