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Author Topic: Your thoughts wanted: The right way to honor the passing of a DC forum member  (Read 4710 times)

Edvard

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Tonight I just learned of the passing of longtime DC member Thunder7.  I had been thinking of his huge posts of interesting links that just kind of stopped one day, and wondered what had begotten of him.  I found his Deviantart page (http://thunder7.deviantart.com/) and discovered a post from one of his friends anouncing that he had passed away a year and a half ago:
Quote
~Priori-Incantartem Mar 30, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Just wanted to let everyone on here Know that Paul "Thunder 7" has passed away. I believe he passed on Dec. 25 2011. I hadn't been on here in so long I didn't realize no one knew.
 There was also a link to his obituary here: http://lacrossetribu...2f-0019bb2963f4.html but it seemed to say so little about the man who was (as we all are in our own way) a unique and interesting individual.

After speaking with Mouser on IRC about it, the question came up about how to best honor our fallen comrade, the best way to approach the subject on the forum, and whether it might be a good idea to make a special place to announce such things in the future.  
Your thoughts and opinions on this matter are hereby humbly requested.


Rest In Peace, Thunder7.



(1964-2011)

mouser

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I exchanged many emails with Thunder7 (Paul Pannell), from the time he joined the site in 2005 to a few weeks before his passing.  Usually brief exchanges where he sent me an interesting link he had found or just the kind of casual hellos that you exchange with acquaintances.  I didn't know him well, but well enough to see he was one of those kind, unusual souls, who was suffering from ailments that would test the strongest of men, and yet still managed to find good in this world.

It's impossible not to be sad at the passing of a kind soul, but now at least his suffering is over.  May he rest in peace.  He will be remembered here.

avatar_5344.gif
« Last Edit: July 08, 2013, 08:30:36 AM by mouser »

cmpm

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A memorial section in the forum would not be out of line.

"The Sacred Art of Living and the Sacred Art of Dying are one and the same."
-Healing the Healers
-The AnamCara Project

Stoic Joker

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Only thing I've ever seen done is along the lines of what OP has already accomplished. I'm not really sure a dedicated Obit section is really needed. It's too much the constant reminder, and a bit dark (as in tends to dampen mood).

Also begs the question as to what associative range qualifies for inclusion. If extended to board member families...I can think of a few posts I rather not be reminded of on a daily basis.

cmpm

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yeah, i have to agree Stoic

40hz

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It might also do to see if you can somehow contact a member of  the family and see if the departed had any wishes on such matters. Some people (myself included) would prefer to fade from everything in this world but the personal memories of those who chose to remember us.

infinity.gif      iching63.gif

Alternatively, a small badge (perhaps an infinity symbol or Hex63 of the I Ching ("After Completion") to indicate the person has passed on, plus disabling further personal messages on the account and deleting any other contact information would be the easiest and best thing to do? That way anybody who was curious about the person after reading their posts would learn he or she is no longer with us.

« Last Edit: July 08, 2013, 04:32:51 PM by 40hz »

cmpm

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I suppose this is a sensitive subject for some.
I have no problem with that.
There can be a little humor though.
Since we will all face that day, I suppose.
I think I'll just quit posting after I die :)
No formal last post...unless it's this one....lol.
Maybe the basement for these types of events, I don't know.
The OP did say thoughts wanted.

Edvard

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Alternatively, a small badge (perhaps an infinity symbol or Hex63 of the I Ching ("After Completion") to indicate the person has passed on, plus disabling further personal messages on the account and deleting any other contact information would be the easiest and best thing to do? That way anybody who was curious about the person after reading their posts would learn he or she is no longer with us.

Actually, my first thought was that some sort of indication should be made on their profile; thanks for thinking alike, 40Hz  :Thmbsup: ...and great ideas too.  
I know there are online spaces where you can store your logins and passwords and a few pre-written emails to be released on notification of your passing, so I'm thinking something along the lines of a "final post" stored in profile-space that's only unlocked when the "time comes" might be a good idea, but may not be practical with the forum software.

A memorial section in the forum would not be out of line.
Only thing I've ever seen done is along the lines of what OP has already accomplished. I'm not really sure a dedicated Obit section is really needed. It's too much the constant reminder, and a bit dark (as in tends to dampen mood).

Ah, differences of opinion... I did ask for thoughts after all.  :-[
After thinking about it a bit, I'm kinda shying away from the idea of a dedicated memorial section as I agree it might creep some people out, but then again in certain cultures, funerals can be quite the party, as it's a celebration of the departed moving on to a better place, and a reminder to the living to do what little livin' they may have left.

So, my vote goes with a wisely-worded mention here in Living Room, with some indication in their profile of their passing and a link to the relevant post.  May be especially nice if immediate family/friends could be passed the link as well.

P.S. I just had a thought: Some folks just might be thinking, "Well, maybe this is really too much to get worked up about.  This IS just a software forum, for  cryin' out loud, people come and go all the time."  Well... yes... sorta, but for those that have been around here for long enough, it becomes obvious that under the surface, it's a little more than "just a software forum".  Many of us here have come to know each other almost like extended family, or intimate pen-pals at the very least, and the passing of one of our own can carry the same weight of pain and sadness that the death of a close friend or relative can.  So to honor the memory of their contributions to the life of this site and the relationships we all forged together is entirely appropriate and worth a little effort, if only to aid the process of grieving and closure.  Personally, I'd like that.

Stoic Joker

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So, my vote goes with a wisely-worded mention here in Living Room, with some indication in their profile of their passing and a link to the relevant post.  May be especially nice if immediate family/friends could be passed the link as well.

I'm good with that.

erikts

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So, my vote goes with a wisely-worded mention here in Living Room, with some indication in their profile of their passing and a link to the relevant post.  May be especially nice if immediate family/friends could be passed the link as well.

I'm good with that.

I second that.

cranioscopical

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I too think it a good idea. It has a certain dignity to it.
 

mouser

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Agreed, a thread in the living room would seem most fitting.

I do find the idea of an indicator under the user's forum avatar indicating that the member has passed on, quite touching.. It conveys the fact that their spirit is still with us here virtually, just in a different form.

wraith808

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I do find the idea of an indicator under the user's forum avatar indicating that the member has passed on, quite touching.. It conveys the fact that their spirit is still with us here virtually, just in a different form.

Very nice way to put it, and totally agreed.

MerleOne

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Being quite sensitive to this situation currently, I would also find nice, beside the indicator on the avatar, to have a link that allows to read all his post at once.  Maybe it's already there so I apologize in that case.  If not, I would like my relatives and people close to me to have as little difficulty as possible to access my posts.

This thread also reminds me about a touching story.  A few years ago, a German student developed its own gmail system, called Postbox or Pubbox, not sure about the name.  There was 2 ways to access mail : the webmail and the pop server.  Then one started to stop working and 6-8 months after the other one cease also to work.  There was many questions raised in some dedicated forums as to why this happened.  Then someone spotted in a local newspaper a report about a car crash and actually this exceptional guy died in it.  Its service was so well done that it outlived him quite some time.

Nice idea anyway.
.merle1.

mouser

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Quote
to have a link that allows to read all his post at once

Everyone has that; visit a user's profile page and look for the link "Show posts".

MerleOne

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Quote
to have a link that allows to read all his post at once

Everyone has that; visit a user's profile page and look for the link "Show posts".

OK, in that case there is nothing else to add IMHO.
.merle1.

tomos

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Agreed, a thread in the living room would seem most fitting.

I do find the idea of an indicator under the user's forum avatar indicating that the member has passed on, quite touching.. It conveys the fact that their spirit is still with us here virtually, just in a different form.

- agree very much with both.

I found Edvard's post (OP), and reading Thunder's profile, and seeing some of his pictures - I found it all very moving; but also he and the topic came into my mind in quiet moments in the last two days.
Also maybe because I was born in the same year as him, it's made me think - I'm not sure what exactly, but it's rattling around back there... on that note I hope no-one will mind if I post a link for Ralph Stanley's "Oh Death" -

http://www.youtube.c.../watch?v=krIVsZP-YaY
Tom

Tinman57

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  Not having mention of a passing is like saying the person never existed.  Most folks want to be remembered in one way or another when they're gone, which is what motivated many great people in our history.  It's like going out with a bang, or a whimper.