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Last post Author Topic: Sci-fi novel now available from DC member kyrathaba!  (Read 183415 times)

Perry Mowbray

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #200 on: June 23, 2013, 07:17:19 PM »

Quote
I don't disagree... I just immediately thought of the more simplistic answer that if A-3 had been destroyed then it didn't matter if they were in A-3 physically or a computer in A-3, they'd be dead either way.

Changed the passage to read as so:

Zuzana turned the spitted rabbits. “What if, on a lark, the aliens decide to implode every subterranean compound, or to launch a kinetic missile of sufficient mass to demolish the globe? What happens to us then?”
There was a lengthy pause before Sethra admitted, “If they do either of those things in the near future, then our existence will suddenly end.”
“Near future?” asked Byron, seeking clarification.
“I’ve a theory, but I’m not ready to try to articulate it, yet,” said Sethra.
They paused in their discussion to eat, pulling hot bits of surprisingly savory flesh from their cooked meal. As the night deepened and it grew cooler, they donned their cloaks and bedded down. Into the flickering shadows cast by the lowering fire, Veronee asked, “What’s the name of this reality, anyway?”

You're such a tease... but I think it works ;)

Perry Mowbray

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #201 on: June 23, 2013, 07:19:13 PM »
Anyone on here who could take the full-size cover image (click here, then enlarge by clicking on image) and smooth out the blocky pixelation where I added the title in the upper right of the image?

I'm also interested in a snazzier cover, and would be willing to donate some donation credits if anyone is interested and can develop a cover that we agree better reflects the novel.

I'm happy to do that: can you email be the base image (and anything else you want included)

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #202 on: June 23, 2013, 08:18:35 PM »
Yeah, I'll be glad to email you the base image. Just PM me your email address, or send me an email at kyrathasoft@gmail.com

If you can de-pixelate the upper right portion as I described earlier, and you think the image looks pretty good after that, then maybe it can remain the official cover. But it's just something "post-apocalypse-looking" I got from a free image gallery.

Otherwise, I'm happy to drop several donation credits on a custom cover (it needs to be 1600 wide by 2400 pixels high, with Title either centered or near right-corner at the top, and "William Bryan Miller" centered near the bottom).

Quote
and anything else you want included

Don't really know. It might be an alien ship shown orbiting Earth. Or it could be some image suggesting subterranean bomb-shelters. I really dunno. I'm just reading that an e-book's cover is the second most important draw for potential buyers, after writing a good story.
« Last Edit: June 23, 2013, 08:42:54 PM by kyrathaba »

Perry Mowbray

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #203 on: June 23, 2013, 08:57:31 PM »
I'm just reading that an e-book's cover is the second most important draw for potential buyers, after writing a good story.

That's scary (but it does remind me of an old saying)

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #204 on: June 23, 2013, 09:32:04 PM »
^ "Can't read a book by its cover"?

Perry Mowbray

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #205 on: June 23, 2013, 10:59:05 PM »
^ "Can't read a book by its cover"?

Judgew
Quote from: WikiPedia
The English idiom "don't judge a book by its cover" is a metaphorical phrase which means "you shouldn't prejudge the worth or value of something, by its outward appearance alone".

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #206 on: June 23, 2013, 11:13:26 PM »
Quote
You shouldn't prejudge the worth or value of something, by its outward appearance alone".

Yet people do, especially with regard to books (physical or e-book).

4wd

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #207 on: June 24, 2013, 12:36:54 AM »
Quote
Page 16.23 "He eased his bulk onto the front edge of his massive office desk, crossed his arms, and cocked his head up at Jaimie." So Jaimie is standing and taller than Jim when he's almost standing (perched on the desk)?

By my calculations, it would put his eye-level at approximately 140-155cm from ground level, (based on average leg to torso ratios) :)

You're awesome... so Jammie is standing and taller than 155-170cm?

Well, it wasn't that hard  :-[

Average leg:torso ratio for males is slightly more than 50:50, average desk height I put at around 700-800mm, (going by the desks I have), we already know his height, (170cm), add a little for eye-level - and I'm probably way off   ;D

155cm = ~5'1", which I would have thought is on the short side, add about 100mm for their eyes to be level.  So in theory, she'd need to be about 166+cm when standing, (then extra 1cm is so he has to look up).

But, of course, this is all academic now   ;)

Perry Mowbray

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #208 on: June 24, 2013, 04:19:16 AM »

You're awesome... so Jammie is standing and taller than 155-170cm?

Well, it wasn't that hard  :-[

I was appreciative of the effort, regardless of the difficulty  :)

Perry Mowbray

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #209 on: June 24, 2013, 05:03:33 AM »
Chapter 14
Page 23.3 "Unless they grew so long that they broke off and fell into the pool." Do you think he would have seen evidence on the ceiling of the cave of the remains of broken stalactites?

Page 23.8 "Gliding along the bottom, Grant noted “No loose stone or other detritus." Does that need punctuation? 'Gliding along the bottom, Grant noted, “No loose stone or other detritus.'

Chapter 15
Page 24.3 "The training that King Molech had mentioned the previous night at supper had begun after a breakfast of some sort of hot creamed wheat flavored by diced up pieces of peaches." What do you think of 'The training that King Molech had mentioned the previous night at supper had begun after a breakfast, which consisted of some sort of hot creamed wheat flavored by diced up pieces of peaches.'... I kept stumbling over the sentence when reading it out, so it may just be me?

Page 24.5 "The noise of clashing practice swords drifted up to them from the courtyard below" Would they have known what practice swords sounded like?

Page 24.12 "Please, continue educating us about the Ashwood and the orcs." Everywhere else 'The Ashwood'

Page 24.13 well... not everywhere "As I was pointing out, the Ashwood surrounds the township on three sides."

Page 24.19 "She turned in about in her fingers" should be 'it'



... and with that we're stuck at the end with nothing more to read!!!  :o

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #210 on: June 24, 2013, 07:25:33 AM »
Quote
Quote
Chapter 14
Page 23.3 "Unless they grew so long that they broke off and fell into the pool." Do you think he would have seen evidence

on the ceiling of the cave of the remains of broken stalactites?

Eventually they would have found such evidence, but remember the modal height of the cavern roof is 40 meters, too far to

see clearly without powerfully spotlighting it. There were survey bots that crawled all over the cavern, but it would take

time for their data to be aggregated, and even then Grant Thompson probably wouldn't have had immediate access to such

reports (though Dr. Jaimie Ericson would).


Quote
Page 23.8 "Gliding along the bottom, Grant noted “No loose stone or other detritus." Does that need punctuation?

'Gliding along the bottom, Grant noted, “No loose stone or other detritus.'

Yes, it does. Thanks!

Quote
Chapter 15
Page 24.3 "The training that King Molech had mentioned the previous night at supper had begun after a breakfast of some

sort of hot creamed wheat flavored by diced up pieces of peaches." What do you think of 'The training that King Molech had

mentioned the previous night at supper had begun after a breakfast, which consisted of some sort of hot creamed wheat

flavored by diced up pieces of peaches.'... I kept stumbling over the sentence when reading it out, so it may just be me?


That does flow better, yes.

Quote
Page 24.5 "The noise of clashing practice swords drifted up to them from the courtyard below" Would they have known

what practice swords sounded like?

That's a bit of narration for the reader's benefit.

Quote
Page 24.12 "Please, continue educating us about the Ashwood and the orcs." Everywhere else 'The Ashwood'

Good catch, Perry. Fixed.

Quote
Page 24.19 "She turned in about in her fingers" should be 'it'

I hate it when I make those most basic of typos. Yet they're so common. Like "is" instead of "it". Thanks!

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #211 on: June 24, 2013, 07:26:26 AM »
Quote
... and with that we're stuck at the end with nothing more to read!!!

Soon, Grasshopper, soon.

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #212 on: June 24, 2013, 04:39:05 PM »
I've finished editing Prologue through end of Chapter 4. Mostly found little things, like missing question marks, or a misplaced quotation mark. Our church begins five evenings of children's Vacation Bible School tonight, so I'll try to edit Chapter 5 and maybe Chapter 6 this later this evening. Should be back to writing new chapters soon.

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #213 on: June 24, 2013, 05:27:54 PM »
Chapter 5 done. Will work on Chapter 6 when I get home in about 2.5 hours.

Exodore

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #214 on: June 24, 2013, 08:15:55 PM »
Hey Kyra,

I joined the forum just to tell you how much I've been enjoying the book.  I was going to offer to do a little proof reading, but it appears that you have some expert help in that area.

-Exe

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #215 on: June 24, 2013, 09:08:28 PM »
Greetings, Exodore. Everyone, meet Exodore, one of my best friends, and a former college roommate and AD&D gaming partner. Please welcome him to the site!

Exodore, I'm currently reviewing/editing the existing manuscript, which consists of a Prologue and fifteen chapters.

Everyone who's following this thread, I just got out of evening VBS and have finished editing Chapter 6. Now on to Chapter 7. Soon, I will add Chapter 16 and upload with an announcement.

Exodore, I hope you'll frequent the site. There are a lot of great programmers here. The whole community is excellent. I've been a member since '07.

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #216 on: June 24, 2013, 09:09:49 PM »
Bookmark this thread, Exodore. Here's the link: kyrathaba's novel

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #217 on: June 24, 2013, 09:32:33 PM »
Finished with Chapter 7 review. Looking at Chapter 8.

Perry Mowbray

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #218 on: June 24, 2013, 09:52:03 PM »
I joined the forum just to tell you how much I've been enjoying the book.  I was going to offer to do a little proof reading, but it appears that you have some expert help in that area.

Welcome Exe!

I think we've all been enjoying the book (and we'd be thankful if you didn't distract K too much so he can get back to writing ;) )

The more proofers the better: it's amazing what you miss (or waht your biarn fllis in for you wiouhtt you aalutcly noiticng)... and I still am a pert (not an expert), thanks :)

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #219 on: June 24, 2013, 09:59:06 PM »
Finished reviewing Chapter 8. Now working on Chapter 9.

4wd

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #220 on: June 25, 2013, 12:12:33 AM »
You might have picked these up in your proofing.

Prologue:
Quote
“Thanks for the ‘UT’, buddy. He set his cup on the table, then slid the data chip across the table. You keep that damned safe, S-man. We’ll talk later. Door, open for guest to exit.”

Missing quotes:

“Thanks for the ‘UT’, buddy. He set his cup on the table, then slid the data chip across the table. You keep that damned safe, S-man. We’ll talk later. Door, open for guest to exit.”

Chapter 1:
Quote
...and maybe a couple dozen meter deeper.

...and maybe a couple of dozen meters deeper.

Quote
Sallow-faced, and he had to have been even notably fatter, six months ago, than he appeared to be today.

Possibly:

Sallow-faced, he also appeared to be noticeably [leaner|thinner] than he had appeared six months [previous|ago].

Quote
...trying to take the emotional temperature of the group as a whole.

Possibly:

...trying to [gauge|judge] the emotional temperature of the group as a whole.

Quote
“Ease down off that railing and I’ll answer both questions, in either order you prefer,” quipped Sethra.

I'm probably being unusually dense but every time I read that, I keep wondering what the other question is/was.

Quote
Such puling drivel just about justifies their slow deaths he reflected.

The 'just about justifies' feels strange to me, possibly:

Such puling drivel almost justifies their slow deaths he reflected.

Chapter 2:
Quote
...and power cells to run them for up to at least thirty-six hours.

It feels a bit contradictory to me, ie. the 'up to' specifies a time limit of 36 hours, whereas the 'at least' specifies a minimum of 36 hours.  Possibly:

...and power cells to run them at least thirty-six hours.

Quote
Nothing will hinge on one single weak leak in the chain.

I think Perry mentioned this one and I'm sure there's been updates since but it still seems to be there: link

Quote
...once we go under into immersion, ...

The 'go under' feels redundant coupled with immersion but it's a 50/50 thing, maybe:

...once we're immersed, ...

Quote
That night Veronne stayed with Sethra in his cubicle.

Veronee
« Last Edit: June 25, 2013, 01:16:36 AM by 4wd »

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #221 on: June 25, 2013, 07:18:28 AM »
Exodore, please feel free to share any errors or style corrections you see that need to be implemented. I cannot have too many beta-reader eyes on this manuscript.

@4wd:

Quote
Missing quotes:

“Thanks for the ‘UT’, buddy.” He set his cup on the table, then slid the data chip across the table. “You keep that damned

safe, S-man. We’ll talk later. Door, open for guest to exit.”

I'd missed that one in my own review of the Prologue. Had prematurely congratulated myself that the Prologue had no

errors, LOL. Thanks, 4wd!



Quote
...and maybe a couple of dozen meters deeper.

I did catch this in my review.



Quote
Sallow-faced, he also appeared to be noticeably [leaner|thinner] than he had appeared six months [previous|ago].

Changed to:

Sallow-faced, he appeared to now be noticeably thinner than he had appeared six months ago.



Quote
...trying to [gauge|judge] the emotional temperature of the group as a whole.

Replaced "take" with "gauge". Good suggestion.



Quote
I'm probably being unusually dense but every time I read that, I keep wondering what the other question is/was.


Nope, you're not being dense. It was a case of I thought I'd written two questions, but I hadn't! Yikes!

Corrected to:

“Ease down off that railing and I’ll answer that question,” urged Sethra.




Quote
The 'just about justifies' feels strange to me, possibly:

Such puling drivel almost justifies their slow deaths he reflected.

Great catch! Fixed.



Quote
It feels a bit contradictory to me, ie. the 'up to' specifies a time limit of 36 hours, whereas the 'at least'

specifies a minimum of 36 hours.  Possibly:

...and power cells to run them at least thirty-six hours.

Fixed.

Quote
I think Perry mentioned this one and I'm sure there's been updates since but it still seems to be there: link


I'd caught that it my review. Thanks.



Quote
The 'go under' feels redundant coupled with immersion but it's a 50/50 thing, maybe:

Corrected to:

once we go undergo immersion,



Quote
That night Veronne stayed with Sethra in his cubicle.

Fixed.



Thanks 4wd!


I'm going to upload these corrections, along with the results of my fine-toothed combing of Prologue up through Chapter 8. The upload in the OP will be called "reviewed_thru_8.zip".

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #222 on: June 25, 2013, 07:25:28 AM »
Ok, that upload is done, and I've also updated the online HTML version of the existing manuscript. This morning, I start with Chapter 9 and continue combing. Looking forward to resuming writing additional material (Chapters 16 forward) very soon!

Again, let me stress how incredibly helpful your beta-reading has been! Literally scores of problems found and fixed. No wonder so many self-publishers flop. I can't understand how anyone could bypass betareading/proofing.

4wd

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #223 on: June 25, 2013, 07:27:57 AM »
I found the couple or so days of not having updates let me put it aside and then start looking at it afresh....onto chapter 3 later :)

I'm going to end up knowing this book better than my all time favourite: The Stainless Steel Ratw
« Last Edit: June 25, 2013, 07:37:39 AM by 4wd »

kyrathaba

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Re: 38K-word sample of my sci-fi ebook, due on Amazon and B&N in October
« Reply #224 on: June 25, 2013, 08:15:45 AM »
Chapter 9 combed. Found a few errors, but generally in good shape. Moving on to Chapter 10...