Oh don't be so stuffy @wraith. Neologisms can be silly, funny, clever, and even useful.
Neologisms: (updated Jul. 2013)
(Neologism: The action of coining or using new words or expressions; a new word or expression.)
404: Someone who is clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. Used as in: "Don't bother asking him, he's 404 man."
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.
ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.
Anally: Occurring yearly.
AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at Mc Donald's
Artery: The study of paintings.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.
Avoidable: What a bull fighter tries to do.
Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Baloney: Where some hemlines fall.
Barium: What doctors do when patients die.
BEER-COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am.
BEER-COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Bowel: A letter like A.E.I.O.U.
BREAKING-THE-SEAL. Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)
Caesarean Section: A neighbourhood or district in Rome.
Carcinoma (n.), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
Catscan: Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts (esp. if worn by Jewish men).
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Coffer (n.), the person doing the coughing.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
Control: A short, ugly inmate;
Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing through a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
D&C: Where Washington is.
Diarrhoea: A journal of daily events.
Dilate: To live long.
DILBERTED: To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem brighter when they come at you rapidly.
Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.
ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people manoeuvring for one armrest in a movie theatre.
Enema: Not a friend.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Fascion: The tendency of societies to reincarnate the National Socialist German Workers' Party in new forms.
Fester: Quicker than someone else.
Fibula: A small lie.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
G.I.Series: World series of military baseball.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
Genital: A non Jewish person.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. . . .
Glibido: All talk and no action.
GOING FOR A McSHIT. Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staffer your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.
Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.
Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Homophone: A gay telephone sex-line.
Hormone: A sound made by a prostitute when you refuse to pay her.
IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Impotent: Distinguished, well known.
INNUENDO: An Italian suppository.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously (when you are running late?).
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
Intense pain: Torture in a teepee.
JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Labour Pain: Getting hurt at work.
LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
Left Bank: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Medical Staff: A doctor's cane.
MILLENNIUM-DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra - i.e., extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.
Misty: How golfers create divots.
MONKEY-BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".
Morbid: A higher offer.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the Couch potato.
MYSTERY-BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY-TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.
Node: Was aware of.
OHNO-SECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake - e.g., you've hit "reply all" by mistake for your email with personal comments.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Outpatient: A person who has fainted.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.
Paradox: Two physicians.
Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
PEARL HARBOUR. Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour" out there (there's a nasty nip in the air).
Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.
PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Pharmacist: A helper on the farm.
Pheromone: The musty smell of an ancient Egyptian mummy.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
Polarize: What penguins see with.
Post Operative: A letter carrier.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)
Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Protein: Favouring young people.
PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Rectum: Darn near killed 'em.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Relief: What trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream, only to get screwed and die in the end.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.
Scar: Rolled tobacco leaf.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.
Seamstress: Describes 250 pounds in a size six.
Secretion: Hiding anything.
Secretion: Hiding something.
Seizure: A oman emperor.
Seizure: Roman emperor.
Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does.
Serology: The study of knighthood.
SINBAD. Single working girls - Single Income, No Boyfriend And Desperate.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
Subdued: Like a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines.
Sudafed: Bringing litigation against a government official.
Tablet: A small table.
Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.
Tibia: A country in North Africa.
TOURISTS: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. Example: "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."
Tumour: An extra pair.
Urine: Opposite of you're out.
Varicose: Located near by/close by.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
WOOFies: Well Off Older Folk.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."