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Last post Author Topic: Goodbye to my father  (Read 5313 times)

mouser

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Goodbye to my father
« on: May 23, 2016, 10:27:53 PM »
In November of this year, my father went into the hospital for a heart operation.  After 6 months of health struggles in and out of the hospital, last night he passed away.

My father was a very special person -- I've never met anyone like him.  He was unassuming, generous in praise and possessions, and took great pleasure from talking about ideas of all kinds.

He was a professor of sociology but his interests were wide-ranging and eclectic, and reading was always at the center of his life.  The place he lived (in soho in new york) was a factory floor that he and his father and my mother converted into living space -- and every wall was turned into a floor-to-ceiling bookcase.  He left probably 10-15 thousand books.

When he found an activity that truly captured his interest, it wasn't unusual for him to quietly chew on it regularly for the rest of his life.  He baked bread and bought books on baking bread for all of my life, he made his own shoes and hats, and satchels.  These were curious hobbies but he seemed to find some continual meditative value in these things. He was a painter and a photographer, and he also wrote a great deal (though could rarely be bothered to edit). Stories mostly, some sweet, some odd.  Several years ago he decided to write a musical, and so he did. He taught himself enough piano and then actually recorded himself singing the odd eccentric songs.  As someone who has always been terribly shy, and always seen my father as quite shy, it was moving and inspirational to see and hear him sing one of his songs at a family gathering.

I learned how to use computers because of my father, and that was how we bonded as I grew up in the 70s and 80s.  We used to go to computer shows and take walks on the weekend to bookstores and computer stores.  We would would go through computer magazines together (Creative Computing, Byte, Microcomputer), and he would encourage me to learn how to program.  He loved computers, building them, using them, reading about them, learning about them.  Every computer I've had in the last 20 years has been one he built from parts and then was delighted to give to me.  He was the most encouraging enthusiastic supportive person when it came to the idea of making things and solving problems.  Nothing made him happier than talking about trying to solve big problems.

He was always interested in mathematics and in the last couple of years he and I coordinated the reading of some books on Set Theory, and discussed them over the phone.  As with many things, he loved to step back and ask how one could build a such a powerful system out of such a small set of axioms, and how could these ideas could be applied to other areas.  It was my own failing that I was often impatient with him when he wanted to talk about such things.  When I went to visit him in the hospital a couple of months ago I was surprised to see a new book he had bought on learning electronics sitting in his reading pile -- a book that i had just coincidentally been daydreaming of buying on amazon.  "Take it" he said -- as he always said if you stumbled on something of his that you expressed interest in.

It was hard watching him suffer these last months, and mostly I'm just relieved that his suffering is over.  It hasn't really hit me yet that he is gone.  But last night as I got to talk to him for the last time, I told him about some physics books I had been reading and it hit me very hard that it was the last time I was going to be able to tell him about a book or an idea.  Goodbye pop, I will miss you so much.
« Last Edit: May 24, 2016, 09:59:33 PM by mouser »

holt

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2016, 10:58:46 PM »
Please accept my sincere and heartfelt condolences. Thank you for sharing! I, too, still love and admire my beloved father's memory so much! He was a private pilot, Amateur Radio General Class operator, Master Machinist par excellance, Inspector, and Engineer in the Aerospace Industry, real estate broker, and I forget what else, and played piano and harmonica, and gave us kids an unforgettable life and upbringing, as did my beloved mom. He was born in horse & buggy days and attended a one-room school room in a remote rural county as a boy, who lived to see the age of the atom and home PC.
"This is the best bad idea we have, sir. By far." (cf. 'Argo'.)
« Last Edit: May 24, 2016, 11:49:12 PM by holt »

hamradio

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2016, 11:03:05 PM »
My sincere and heartfelt condolences as well. :(
Carroll - HamRadioUSA.net

wraith808

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2016, 11:17:44 PM »
Mine also.  My father has been on my mind a lot lately, and this really touched me.  My father never got into computers, but he is the reason that I'm so into them.  He brought me to work just so I could work on the computer there, and spent what seems today a godawful amount of money to get me my first.  I wish I had some nugget of wisdom or something to help, but all I have is my words.  I'm really sorry for your loss.

eleman

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2016, 01:07:08 AM »
As Isaac Asimov once said, 'Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.'
I am sure he's in peace now, and I hope you'll find a way to get used to his passing away. Please accept my condolences and let me know if I can be of any help.

anandcoral

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2016, 03:00:07 AM »
May his soul rest in peace. Please accept my condolences.

In our last email, you mentioned about your father's health. I can understand your loss.

Ath

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #6 on: May 24, 2016, 03:00:21 AM »
 :( Please accept my condolences as well. My thoughts are with you.

Deozaan

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #7 on: May 24, 2016, 03:02:22 AM »
That was a really beautiful and touching eulogy, mouser. Thank you for sharing that with us.

My condolences.


tomos

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2016, 04:31:57 AM »
I was thinking about my father this morning and then I read your post mouser.
It's like the end of an era.
Deo says what I want to be able to say:
That was a really beautiful and touching eulogy, mouser. Thank you for sharing that with us.

My condolences.
Tom

vrgrrl

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #9 on: May 24, 2016, 06:21:07 AM »
That was a beautiful tribute to your father, mouser. He was a very special man and  I know you miss him.  ((hugs)) times a million for you and your family.

Renegade

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #10 on: May 24, 2016, 08:01:21 AM »
My condolences.

I hope you and your family can find some comfort in fond memories and celebrate his life.
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Perry Mowbray

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #11 on: May 24, 2016, 08:53:34 AM »
Life is so fleeting... It is so humbling to be the object of a great man's sacrifices, but it's through those little deaths that we live.

May you be cocooned.

Thank you for sharing your Dad with us; you carry his torch admirably.

cyberdiva

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #12 on: May 24, 2016, 09:59:37 AM »
What a beautiful tribute to an amazing man from his amazing son. 
Please accept my heartfelt condolences.

mwb1100

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #13 on: May 24, 2016, 10:28:57 AM »
I'm sorry for your loss.

Stoic Joker

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #14 on: May 24, 2016, 11:32:12 AM »
My condolences.

I lost my dad a few years back, I don't think it truly hit me until sometime later when I picked up a new Harley...and then realized that I couldn't stop by to show it to him.

Dormouse

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #15 on: May 24, 2016, 02:31:04 PM »
I am truly sorry for your loss, (though also relieved his pain has stopped).

But a wonderful tribute to him (though your existence and presence here is tribute enough).
I can't remember a time when I laughed in a eulogy from someone in the moment of suffering the loss. A wonderful person to have known.
My thoughts are with you. And with my own father a bit.
Thank you.

wraith808

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #16 on: May 24, 2016, 05:18:09 PM »
I lost my dad a few years back, I don't think it truly hit me until sometime later when I picked up a new Harley...and then realized that I couldn't stop by to show it to him.

It's bad when that happens- just hits you out of the blue.  My dad loved clothes, and introduced me to this one shop.  I don't like clothes and dressing up like he did, but it was a store that I felt comfortable in, which was the reason he introduced it to me- to show me that shopping didn't have to be a bad experience.

I was in there, and out of the blue I saw this man that looked exactly like my dad!  I walked up to him, and of course when he turned around it wasn't.  There was like a drop deep in my stomach, and the guy saw it.  He was really nice, and stood there and talked with me a while about my dad and what the store meant.  And though I took that original gut punch, the memories overwhelmed that feelings of bad- like he was there with me for that brief moment.

Renegade said it well.

I hope you and your family can find some comfort in fond memories and celebrate his life.

Those memories don't fully fill that space where you held him at first.  But over time, they expand, and life becomes just a little bit brighter when those memories show you just how fortunate you were to have him.

nosh

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #17 on: May 24, 2016, 05:59:58 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear about this. Please accept my heartfelt condolences, mouser.

x16wda

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #18 on: May 24, 2016, 08:09:59 PM »
So sorry. My Dad has been gone 20 years now, but I think of him whenever I see a plant or bird that I can name, or a book that we both read. I am so grateful that his path and mine crossed (besides the obvious).

He will be missed. And now the world will only know him through his reflection in you.

Best wishes for a difficult time.
vi vi vi - editor of the beast

Shades

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #19 on: May 24, 2016, 09:57:30 PM »
My condolences, Mouser.

It is very unfortunate to be a member of this club, as previous comments already pointed out. Lost my father in 2010 and although he wasn't a bright man (educational or intellectual), often came from his end ideas that were brilliant in hindsight. With my own advancement in years that hindsight becomes more clear every day. Hindsight isn't 20/20 anymore, it's much more like 40/40 (as I'm in my forties now).

Even if he wasn't interested in most (if not all) of my hobbies-of-the-moment in the days of my youth, he would do everything he could in supporting me to go after these. It seems to me your father deserves respect for everything he did in life and in his legacy. To me that is a job well done...and from reading your eulogy, for your father it was really a labor of love, making you a fortunate son and him a fortunate father.

My best wishes for you and your family.

f0dder

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #20 on: May 25, 2016, 04:52:07 PM »
My sincere condolences, Mousey.

I wish I had something wise or eloquent to say, but I don't - so I'll just keep to this: it sounds like your dad was a really great person.
- carpe noctem

40hz

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #21 on: May 25, 2016, 08:15:39 PM »
Having lost my own father following a protracted illness several years ago I can appreciate what you're going throughm even though we each feel sadness and go through mourning in our own personal and very individual way.

Please accept Alexis and my condolences, There's little we can say other than we're sorry for your loss.

-ed

TucknDar

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #22 on: May 26, 2016, 02:07:50 AM »
My condolences, mouser. I'm sorry for your loss, he really sounds like a great father and a great person.

PhilB66

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #23 on: June 10, 2016, 10:44:04 PM »
Sorry to hear about your loss, Mouser  :(

kalos

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Re: Goodbye to my father
« Reply #24 on: June 11, 2016, 09:25:40 AM »
My sincere condolences. RIP.