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Last post Author Topic: Cute jokes' thread  (Read 66214 times)

Curt

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Cute jokes' thread
« on: November 25, 2010, 06:13:50 AM »
If 'you' want to, we can make this thread devoted to (harmless) cute jokes.
 :tellme:

Two of today's cute jokes:


2010-11-18.gif



chickennamecall.jpg


 ;)

awaymouser

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2010, 06:50:33 AM »
hahahahaahahahahaah :Thmbsup:

40hz

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2010, 10:50:02 AM »
Maybe I'm finally reaching early senility, but the Oolong bunny meme cracks me up to no end.

Here's one example, which is very useful for making a Zen response to the usual ranters, axe grinders, and psychonauts you occasionally meet on forums:

PancakeBunny.jpg

Also, anything by Ashleigh Brilliant. Especially his "Pot-Shots."

One of my favs:

ps3304.gif



Stephen66515

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2010, 08:01:45 PM »
Why did the chicken cross the road?

answer
No idea...you ever tried to make sence of what a chicken is doing?


Curt

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #4 on: November 26, 2010, 01:49:28 AM »
Winter has just reached my country. This "chicken" didn't fully cross the road:


ch090412.gif


« Last Edit: November 26, 2010, 01:51:24 AM by Curt »

Curt

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #5 on: November 26, 2010, 08:00:14 AM »
Also, anything by Ashleigh Brilliant. Especially his "Pot-Shots."

I like his self-imposed limit of 17 words per epigram - more people than me could learn from it... Epigram #64: "I'm writing to tell you I have nothing to say"!

http://en.wikipedia....i/Ashleigh_Brilliant

Renegade

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2010, 09:44:08 AM »
Calvin & Hobbes was my favorite. Too bad the author stopped. It really was the best comic I've ever read.
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Stephen66515

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2010, 11:04:13 AM »
rofl, i love that calvin and hobbes pic, im soo gonna do that if we get enough snow!

Pics to come...snow depending haha

Tuxman

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #8 on: November 29, 2010, 03:16:43 PM »

Curt

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #9 on: November 30, 2010, 05:48:22 AM »
Jesus' brother Bob

Edited:
An hour later and I am still laughing  :-)
« Last Edit: November 30, 2010, 07:46:43 AM by Curt »

Curt

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #10 on: November 30, 2010, 10:17:48 AM »
Calvin & Hobbes was my favorite. Too bad the author stopped. It really was the best comic I've ever read.

Calvin & Hobbes is still my favourite. Put a gun to my head and I just might be able to pick a single all time favourite strip:


calvin_hobbes_snow1 (1).JPG




Curt

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2010, 08:46:35 AM »
Stop fighting.GIF

« Last Edit: December 12, 2010, 08:49:13 AM by Curt »

tomos

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2010, 01:10:19 PM »

very good  :-*

(keep it up :up:)
Tom

Curt

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #13 on: December 23, 2010, 05:33:35 AM »
not sure how cute this one from real life is, but I think it's harmless:

'Seen in England' by Flickr's Greg 50:


2010-12-23_123202.GIF



Curt

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #14 on: December 26, 2010, 05:43:59 AM »
Seasoned...


2010-12-19.gif


mouser

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #15 on: December 26, 2010, 08:57:20 AM »
curt, lol  ;D

Renegade

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #16 on: December 26, 2010, 09:24:12 AM »
I nearly suffocated to death laughing the first time I read this in university. So, fair warning.

Is there a Santa Claus? - a physicist view

Consider the following:

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).

This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.

On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that 'flying reindeer' (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.

We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.

Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.> In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.


One of the many places you can find it.
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

mouser

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #17 on: December 26, 2010, 09:26:56 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D

JavaJones

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #18 on: December 26, 2010, 10:03:00 PM »
That santa analysis is *brilliant*! I feel certain I've read that or something like it before, but either I haven't, or I've forgotten enough of it that its hilarity is once again fresh. :D

- Oshyan

Curt

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #19 on: December 27, 2010, 05:04:37 AM »
My sister knows that Santa is for real. She met him!


2010-12-20.gif


at least now you know why he didn't make it to your house...
« Last Edit: December 27, 2010, 05:06:18 AM by Curt »

Edvard

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #20 on: December 28, 2010, 09:38:01 AM »


(snort, chuckle, guffaw, fall over backward in chair...)

40hz

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #21 on: December 28, 2010, 10:52:14 AM »
@Curt re: rock, paper scissors.

Brilliant find! As soon as I finish wiping up the coffee I just sprayed all over my desk I'll probably start laughing again.

 :Thmbsup:

(also +1 on Calvin & Hobbs. Easily my all time favorite strip.)
« Last Edit: December 28, 2010, 10:58:26 AM by 40hz »

Curt

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #22 on: December 28, 2010, 11:53:26 AM »
rofl, i love that calvin and hobbes pic, im soo gonna do that if we get enough snow!

Pics to come...snow depending haha

-we're still awaiting! There's certainly plenty with snow around ...

----------------------
One birthday coming up in my family - I can't wait to pass this one on:


chickenwiser.jpg


worstje

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #23 on: December 28, 2010, 12:50:01 PM »
kinda NSFW typography joke
Yo momma's kerning is so fucked up all her hyperlinks say "dick here".

« Last Edit: December 28, 2010, 12:57:44 PM by worstje »

40hz

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Re: Cute jokes' thread
« Reply #24 on: December 28, 2010, 02:15:27 PM »
« Last Edit: December 28, 2010, 02:20:02 PM by 40hz »