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Last post Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]  (Read 1433545 times)

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2000 on: August 06, 2013, 06:41:38 PM »
@fenixproductions: Did your school have a lot of windows?

Wyld_Black_Wolf

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2001 on: August 06, 2013, 07:07:20 PM »
fine heres one for you guys XD you might know it you might not. but here it is anyway:

To: Whom this may concern

Re: Replacement of mouse balls

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.

Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

Wyld_Black_Wolf

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2002 on: August 06, 2013, 07:12:06 PM »
Annnnnd another :

Its a joke

 “When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know. Take it out on someone you don’t know, but you know deserves it. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying “Hello.”
 
I politely said, “This is Rick. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?” Suddenly, a manic voice yelled out in my ear, “Get the right f***ing number!” and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
 
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the wrong number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You’re an a**hole!” and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word “a**hole” next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re an a**hole!” It always cheered me up.
 
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic a**hole calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?” He yelled “NO!” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an a**hole!” and hung up.
 
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a For Sale sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
 
A couple of days later, right after calling the first a**hole, I thought that I’d better call the BMW a**hole, too. I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?” He said, “Yes, it is.” I then asked, “Can you tell me where I can see it?” He said, “Yes, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd. in Fairfax. It’s a yellow ranch style house, and the car’s parked right out in front.” I asked, “What’s your name?” He said, “My name is Don Hansen.” I asked, “When’s a good time to catch you, Don?” He said, “I’m home every evening after five.” I said, “Listen, Don, can I tell you something?” He said, “Yes?” I said, “Don, you’re an a**hole!” Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
 
Now, when I had a problem, I had two a**holes to call. Then I came up with an idea… I called a**hole #1. He said, “Hello.” I said, “You’re an a**hole!” but I didn’t hang up. He asked, “Are you still there?” I said, “Yeah!” He screamed, “Stop calling me!” I said, “Make me.” He asked, “Who are you?” I said, “My name is Don Hansen.” He said, “Yeah? Where do you live?” I said, “a**hole, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd. in Fairfax. A yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.” He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.” I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, a**hole” and hung up.
 
Then I called a**hole #2. He said, “Hello?” I said, “Hello, a**hole.” He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…” I said, “You’ll what?” He exclaimed, “I’ll kick your ass!” I answered, “Well, a**hole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”
 
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oak Tree Blvd. in Fairfax to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oak Tree Blvd in Fairfax.
 
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch the two a**holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew. NOW I feel much better.“

Tinman57

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2003 on: August 06, 2013, 08:41:15 PM »

  So what's with all the "*"?  This is an adult oriented thread and asshole is probably the least offensive word to be found in here....   :P

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2004 on: August 06, 2013, 11:43:05 PM »
On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new husband and asked
For $20.00 for their first lovemaking
Encounter.
In his highly aroused state,
Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had been let go.


It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.


Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the
bank which was worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.


She explained that for more than
Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the
Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
To keep their mouths shut
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2005 on: August 07, 2013, 01:10:03 AM »

stepping on a snake
NSA-Spying-Public-Apathy.jpg

Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2006 on: August 07, 2013, 05:37:19 AM »
A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window . "Uh, yes, officer?" The cop says: "What are you doing?"

The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine." Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: "And her, what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane....and nothing obscene is happening!

The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?" The young man says, "I'm 22, sir." The cop asks, "And her ... what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

fenixproductions

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2007 on: August 07, 2013, 01:09:17 PM »
@fenixproductions: Did your school have a lot of windows?
Is there pun intended?

TaoPhoenix

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2008 on: August 07, 2013, 03:16:10 PM »
A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window . "Uh, yes, officer?" The cop says: "What are you doing?"

The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine." Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: "And her, what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane....and nothing obscene is happening!

The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?" The young man says, "I'm 22, sir." The cop asks, "And her ... what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

Epic! It would have been a passable joke in the 90's, but given our current situation, this is great!
:D

While the ages are a bit young, given their observance of detail, it would be hysterical if one of them was a lawyer and the other was in IT! (Age wise I'd have to put the guy in law and the babe in IT).

app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2009 on: August 07, 2013, 05:33:03 PM »
When circulation rates dropped at one newspaper, their marketing department thought up an ingenius way to increase readership.

not-fit-for-publication.jpg

app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2010 on: August 07, 2013, 05:39:24 PM »
George knew he shouldn't have eaten the beans for lunch, and his classmates agreed.

picture-day-2085.jpg

panzer

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2011 on: August 08, 2013, 03:03:59 AM »


No comment necessary.

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2012 on: August 08, 2013, 11:33:24 AM »
This is pretty darn silly, but might tick off some people, but it's just too damn cute to not post here.

The little engine that could...
bWjuu1g.jpg

Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2013 on: August 09, 2013, 08:49:05 AM »
This is just hilarious! ;D



Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2014 on: August 09, 2013, 07:28:07 PM »
Operation Everyone Talk Like A Terrorist All The Time ;D



:P
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2015 on: August 10, 2013, 12:52:44 AM »
April Fool's prank.jpg

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2016 on: August 10, 2013, 12:54:35 AM »
Software license prize.jpg

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2017 on: August 10, 2013, 01:51:36 AM »
(see attachment in previous post)

That's a lot of dedication to jokes~!

That site is really fun. So many bizarre things. Great time waster - you're 2 hours in before you notice it! ;D
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

Giampy

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2018 on: August 10, 2013, 04:43:23 AM »

Cucina.jpg
"A refrigerator without beer is like a body without soul"

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2019 on: August 10, 2013, 05:02:20 AM »
^^ Heh! I just pray that someone other than me will actually cook once in a while! :P

Any pastafarians here?

http://www.zerohedge...ng-spaghetti-monster

You can now officially wear your colander over your head for your drivers license photo!



Well, in the Czech Republic anyways...
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

x16wda

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2020 on: August 10, 2013, 07:53:57 AM »
Any pastafarians here?
I think both my kids are followers, although they haven't reached the level where they don the headgear...

Possibly offensive:
Spoiler
but I guess pastafarianism has that same satisfying ritual cannibalism thing going for it that Christianity has, where you eat the body and blood of the deity...

vi vi vi - editor of the beast

wraith808

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2021 on: August 10, 2013, 10:28:55 PM »
starrynight.jpg

wraith808

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2022 on: August 10, 2013, 10:29:37 PM »
batsignal.jpg

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2023 on: August 11, 2013, 09:09:58 AM »


Now we all need cameras to take pictures of non-visible light and other radiation outside of the visible spectrum so that we can solve the reptilian alien issue! ;D

There's a shrimp that has 15 cones in it's eyes. :O
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

x16wda

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #2024 on: August 11, 2013, 02:28:53 PM »
(see attachment in previous post)
Mmm... now let's render that bacon and REALLY celebrate the starry starry night! Anyone bring biscuits?
vi vi vi - editor of the beast