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Author Topic: Overheard on the Internets  (Read 3821 times)

Ralf Maximus

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Overheard on the Internets
« on: December 10, 2007, 09:22:23 AM »
Occasionally I'll find a blog comment that just brings all other thought processes to a pause.  It doesn't have to be terribly profound -- I'm not talking about thoughtful quotations from great philosophers -- but rather, the normal snippets of conversation you might hear in an elevator, a slice of somebody else's life that you parse and parse but just can't absorb completely.

Here's my most recent discovery (name redacted).

I tried flying 737's as part of a "virtual airline" back when I played a lot of flight sim. They gave me the trans-Atlantic route. You had to do the whole thing in real time, so I would take off, hit cruising altitude, lock the auto-pilot, then go to bed. I woke up late one morning, and my bird had gone down in a field outside Brussels, after running out of fuel. I quit shortly thereafter, when I realised I am a complete loser, and virtual airlines are teh lame.

Anyone else?

Ralf Maximus

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Re: Overheard on the Internets
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2007, 10:31:48 AM »
And another.

I'd wager I could take on a dozen unarmed teenage girls and win.

maybe about 80 four year olds.

guys if you were locked in a basketball court sized room and had to fight an endless stream of 4 year olds how many do you think you could defeat?

Edvard

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Re: Overheard on the Internets
« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2007, 11:09:20 AM »
*snicker*

How about the Bash.org top 100?

Here's a sample:
Quote
<napster> if you have issues w/ him, take them up in msg
<bill^> no prob
<bill^> actually, when he comes back to NJ I will take it up with him with a baseball bat....
<napster> why is that?
<bill^> it is much more effective.

and a C++ fight:

Quote
* +ramoth4 slaps politik with an unsigned long double
* +politik comes back with a _uint64 uppercut
* +ramoth4 pulls out a struct and returns fire
* +politik corrupts ramoth's heap
* +Fire_Elemental-Coding- ducks to avoid leaked memory
* +politik pops Fire_Elemental-Coding- square in the stack
* +ramoth4 stuffs politik's face in the bitbucket, and begins to operate on nil pointers
* +politik throws uncatchable exceptions around the room
* +ramoth4 dodges skillfully with his try-catch block
* +politik cuts off ramoth's private member
* +ramoth4 encapsulates the wound in a protected class
* +politik destroys all foes with up-casts to inappropriate derived classes!
* +politik is out of ideas
* +politik :: ~politik();
* +ramoth4 declares flipcode his namespace!
<+ramoth4> I win!
* +ramoth4 beat C++.
<+ramoth4> The last guy was hard.
« Last Edit: December 10, 2007, 11:18:33 AM by Edvard »

Ralf Maximus

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Re: Overheard on the Internets
« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2007, 11:11:14 AM »
Oh, that's brilliant!  Enough non-sequitors to derail switchyards of trains of thought.  For instance:

Quote
Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...
« Last Edit: December 10, 2007, 11:19:16 AM by Ralf Maximus »

nosh

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Re: Overheard on the Internets
« Reply #4 on: December 10, 2007, 01:38:06 PM »
This may not be to everyone's taste and it's definitely NSFW but bloodninja is cyber-legend.

Just google him for more crazy stuff..

[NSFW Content Follows]
Spoiler
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.


Spoiler
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?


Spoiler
Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

« Last Edit: December 10, 2007, 01:46:45 PM by nosh »

app103

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Re: Overheard on the Internets
« Reply #5 on: December 16, 2007, 03:13:25 AM »
I run a quotes blog that serves as my own private Bash, since they always reject everything I submit.

Everything is from chatrooms I am actually a regular part of the furnature in, and even my own. All posts are labeled with the chatroom that served as the source for the convos. (yes, even #donationcoder is there)

Big warning...a large quantity of the posts are crude, rude, off color, not safe for humans,

and definately NSFW!

http://omgplzstfukthx.blogspot.com

nosh

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Re: Overheard on the Internets
« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2007, 04:08:58 AM »
<mouser> my hubby does a lot of bitching while in the car, does that count?

<tinjaw> but, check out my t & a !!


That's it! I'm never going on DC chat!  ;D

Ralf Maximus

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Re: Overheard on the Internets
« Reply #7 on: December 16, 2007, 09:55:02 AM »
Found elsewhere:

Quote
One night I was cutting up habeneros to make chili. I washed my hands, and while it was cooking I called a girl to ask her out. While on the phone, I scratched my eyelid or something, and sure enough, immediately started tearing up and grimacing because I didn't wash my hands well enough.

That went on for about five minutes. When I told her about it later, she said she had no idea. I guess that means I was either great at covering it up, or that I *always* sound like i'm writhing in agony from chili peppers in the eye.

app103

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Re: Overheard on the Internets
« Reply #8 on: December 16, 2007, 10:05:03 AM »
NOSH!!

You aren't supposed to paste that stuff taken out of context. People will get the wrong impression...lol


Lashiec

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Re: Overheard on the Internets
« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2007, 09:02:18 AM »
Then I don't know about this other one:

Spoiler
<Nighted> and will the new penis stay fully erect?
<Nighted> or will it be bent in the middle....
<Ken`> it's straight, but covered with metal and screws


NSFW, kids not allowed, etc. ;D

(One cent donation for FARK as I'm using a trademarked acronym... or something)

Deozaan

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Re: Overheard on the Internets
« Reply #10 on: December 17, 2007, 03:57:28 PM »
I like this one:

Quote
<mouser> ps sham if you ever get your military issues sniper rifle
<mouser> i take back everything negative i've ever said about you