Author Topic: Cute jokes thread (Read 206,505 times)

Curt · « **Reply #151 on:** March 01, 2013, 02:04 PM »

the banana routine...

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Curt · « **Reply #152 on:** March 12, 2013, 09:33 AM »

Quote from: Curt on March 01, 2013, 02:04 PM

the banana routine...
(see attachment in previous post)

the banana piano routine...

[attachimg=#]

Giampy · « **Reply #153 on:** March 14, 2013, 02:05 PM »

A Rolls Royce arrives in front of a restaurant. From the car some people get off: five wonderful girls and an elegant man who holds up a cage with a cock (male chicken) inside.
They enter into the restaurant and they sit down.

Man: "Waiter, please wait on one starter for each of us and thirty starters for my cock".
The waiter gets deeply perplexed but he silently does his duty.
After some minutes he realizes that everyone has eaten all the food, even the cock.

Man: "Waiter, please wait on one dish of pasta for each of us and thirty dishes of pasta for my cock".
The waiter gets more perplexed again, but he silently does his duty.
After some minutes he realizes that everyone has eaten all the food, even the cock.

Man: "Waiter, please wait on one steak for each of us and thirty steaks for my cock".
The waiter with difficulty keeps his growing perplexity and he silently does his duty.
After some minutes he realizes that everyone has eaten all the food, even the cock.

At this point the waiter firmly asks an explanation: "Mister, you have to explain me why that cock is so hungry. I have never seen a such thing. It's unbelievable!!!".
The man explains: "Once I was in the desert and I found the Aladdin's lamp. I rubbed it and the Genie came out. He asked me three wishes to be granted.
First, I asked him a lot of money, and as you see I am extremely rich. You have noticed my sparkling Rolls Royce.
Second, I asked him the more beautiful girls of the World, and as you see I am together these wonderful women.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Third, I asked him an insatiable cock... but he didn't understand me!"

40hz · « **Reply #154 on:** March 20, 2013, 12:05 AM »

This is too perfect.

What happens when your elderly father hasn't seen an iPad before...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfomnj8nUR0

Love it!

tomos · « **Reply #155 on:** March 20, 2013, 08:08 AM »

Quote from: 40hz on March 20, 2013, 12:05 AM

This is too perfect.

What happens when your elderly father hasn't seen an iPad before...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfomnj8nUR0

Love it!

it's great

Deo posted it before somewhere here, but it was just with music - no talking.
I presumed it was him visiting his daughter and helping in the kitchen using her ipad.

Here it's that she's visiting him and asking how he's getting along with the ipad he got for his birthday:

> Are you managing with all the apps?
> What apps are you on about? Move over a bit there ... [scrapes chopped herbs into pot

]

40hz · « **Reply #156 on:** March 20, 2013, 11:53 AM »

Quote from: tomos on March 20, 2013, 08:08 AM

Deo posted it before somewhere here

Apologies if it's a duplicate. I did a search for 'iPad" in this thread before I posted and didn't get any hits. Oh well!

@tomos - thx for the quick translation. I got some of it, but German is hard enough for me to understand when it's being spoken slowly and clearly. I couldn't get a lot of what was being said in the beginning.

Curt · « **Reply #157 on:** March 27, 2013, 08:22 AM »

I forgot my own words:

Quote from: Curt on November 25, 2010, 12:13 PM

... make this thread devoted to (harmless) cute jokes.

-so even though .merle1 have commented it, I have deleted the original content of this post; it was not harmless, not even cute.

MerleOne · « **Reply #158 on:** March 28, 2013, 04:11 PM »

Excellent, even if it's somewhat cruel.

Curt · « **Reply #159 on:** March 31, 2013, 12:16 PM »

this gem makes me laugh every time i re-watch it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hc8o1ePGBk0

40hz · « **Reply #160 on:** April 01, 2013, 04:21 PM »

[attach]

Curt · « **Reply #161 on:** April 30, 2013, 08:05 AM »

(click to enlarge to 900x286 pixels):

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It is mind-blowing to think just how out-of-this-world good a new cartoon would have to be, in order to be just equally as good as Calvin & Hobbes. I can't imagine how fantastic it would be, if it was even better.

wraith808 · « **Reply #162 on:** April 30, 2013, 01:16 PM »

Quote from: 40hz on April 01, 2013, 04:21 PM

(see attachment in previous post)

Hey! You posted mine! I'd just forgotten that I had it to post...

wraith808 · « **Reply #163 on:** April 30, 2013, 02:01 PM »

A smashing "pun"kin

TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #164 on:** May 01, 2013, 01:08 PM »

Inspired by the "What books are you reading" thread!

You don't read the biography of Yakov Smirnoff, it reads you!!

Edvard · « **Reply #165 on:** May 02, 2013, 01:19 AM »

My signature was inspired by signs like these below, particularly one I saw in an aquarium on the Oregon coast when I was 7 years old which read: "Children unsupervised by parents will be fed to the sharks". I never stuck so close to my mom in a public place before...

Several iterations of my sig can be found in many places public and virtual, most of them saying something like "Children left unattended will be given a/an espresso/red bull/candy and a free puppy/kitten"
In the interest of better semantics, I pared that down to "a mocha(1) and a puppy(2)".
1- Because a mocha contains chocolate, therefore appealing to children, but would have more "kick" than a simple candy bar.
2- Because puppies require much more responsibility to care for than a kitten, hence a scenario with a greater potential for difficulty.
Also, the word "free" (in the original) makes the statement more 'wordy' than it needs to be in describing the situation, as associating it with the second object implies the first object (espresso) was not free, when the verb "given" clearly implies it and/or both as being gratis.

WAAAAYYY too much thinking put into that. o_O
Enjoy the pics:

PhilB66 · « **Reply #166 on:** May 02, 2013, 04:57 AM »

[attach=#]

app103 · « **Reply #167 on:** May 02, 2013, 05:03 PM »

Quote from: PhilB66 on May 02, 2013, 04:57 AM

(see attachment in previous post)

It's more amusing, in a sad sort of way, when you have the ads turned on and see this:

TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #168 on:** May 02, 2013, 06:21 PM »

Quote from: app103 on May 02, 2013, 05:03 PM

It's more amusing, in a sad sort of way, when you have the ads turned on and see this:
...

Yeah, I agree, hence my efforts in in the other thread to develop new ad ideas.
PS App what is your oDesk handle and how much do you charge?

On another topic via ChrisG and you if you made a pre-priced app, it's not that $6 will break the bank, it's about trusting the payment mechanism. I trust DC (via that other payment processor I can't recall the name of!) and I trust oDesk.

40hz · « **Reply #169 on:** May 02, 2013, 07:47 PM »

Probably one of the finest moments ever in American comic strip writing:

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wraith808 · « **Reply #170 on:** May 02, 2013, 08:06 PM »

I think the last panel is the deep thought for the day.

Curt · « **Reply #171 on:** May 02, 2013, 08:32 PM »

Quote from: PhilB66 on May 02, 2013, 04:57 AM

(see attachment in previous post)
Quote from: app103 on May 02, 2013, 05:03 PM
Quote from: PhilB66 on May 02, 2013, 04:57 AM
(see attachment in previous post)
It's more amusing, in a sad sort of way, when you have the ads turned on and see this:
[attachimg=#]

-bull's eye "(in a sad sort of way)"!

app103 · « **Reply #172 on:** May 02, 2013, 10:43 PM »

Quote from: TaoPhoenix on May 02, 2013, 06:21 PM

PS App what is your oDesk handle and how much do you charge?

On another topic via ChrisG and you if you made a pre-priced app, it's not that $6 will break the bank, it's about trusting the payment mechanism. I trust DC (via that other payment processor I can't recall the name of!) and I trust oDesk.

That's subject is probably better discussed elsewhere and not in the cute jokes thread.

app103 · « **Reply #173 on:** May 02, 2013, 10:45 PM »

Whenever someone claims to be multi-tasking, this is the kind of image that pops into my head:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVEnGhVVYHg

TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #174 on:** May 03, 2013, 05:45 AM »

Quote from: app103 on May 02, 2013, 10:43 PM

Quote from: TaoPhoenix on May 02, 2013, 06:21 PM
PS App what is your oDesk handle and how much do you charge?

On another topic via ChrisG and you if you made a pre-priced app, it's not that $6 will break the bank, it's about trusting the payment mechanism. I trust DC (via that other payment processor I can't recall the name of!) and I trust oDesk.

That's subject is probably better discussed elsewhere and not in the cute jokes thread.

Yeah, I agree! My fault!
Prob half PM and half that one of the other monetizing threads about application prices.