Author Topic: Cute jokes thread (Read 206,505 times)

TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #175 on:** May 03, 2013, 05:53 AM »

Quote from: app103 on May 02, 2013, 10:45 PM

Whenever someone claims to be multi-tasking, this is the kind of image that pops into my head:
...

Heh instead this ditty popped into my head inspired by yours!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQURd7pIFyA

(That new one is even faster than the old one, it's tightened up near the end.)

Curt · « **Reply #176 on:** May 11, 2013, 01:07 PM »

I think my neighbor has died!!:

[attachimg=#]

TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #177 on:** May 13, 2013, 05:46 PM »

Meanwhile Pilgrim earned a Cute Joke!

Quote from: pilgrim on May 13, 2013, 04:44 PM

Despite what certain people have suggested my avatar is not a self-portrait but reflects back to the time I spent in cloistered surroundings.
It's a time I remember well, albeit with mixed feelings.

We were a relatively small order, in fact I was only one of two who were over five foot six...

Curt · « **Reply #178 on:** May 20, 2013, 06:46 PM »

I am loosing my patience with these "not valid" YouTube links.

edited:
oh, I can simply delete the "s"!

Let's try again:

This thread may be for jokes, but this is not meant as a joke
(even though all text is in Danish):

CPHSAND is on:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtjDEXPVmx4

This is happening all over the world - right now in Copenhagen.

Curt · « **Reply #179 on:** May 27, 2013, 04:53 PM »

PUNography...

[attachimg=#]

Curt · « **Reply #180 on:** May 28, 2013, 05:52 AM »

innocent around here, but ...

[sorry, now removed by facebook]

app103 · « **Reply #181 on:** May 28, 2013, 06:36 PM »

Quote from: Curt on May 28, 2013, 05:52 AM

-hmmm... the link is working, but differently from how I expected.

You can't use html in forum posts.

Curt · « **Reply #182 on:** May 30, 2013, 11:04 PM »

EDITED:
I suddenly remembered that the title of this thread includes the word "jokes", so I deleted the former content of this post; it was cute, but not really a joke. Sorry!
------------

New content is from http://www.gocomics.com/ Lio by Mark Tatulli. We all know that Calvin & Hobbes by Watterson is the best comic in the world. But this joke by Tatulli includes a quite interesting question we now must address: Does "the world" even include other planets?

[attachimg=#]

Giampy · « **Reply #183 on:** June 03, 2013, 04:02 PM »

Doctor: "To solve your bronchitis you must spend your summer in a marine place and... "

Patient: "Excuse me, but I..."

Doctor: "Please, let me complete my discourse. Well, I was saying you must spend your summer in a marine place and... "

Patient: "Excuse me, but I..."

Doctor: "Please again! Don't interrupt me. Well, I was saying you must spend your summer in a marine place and... "

Patient: "Excuse me, but I..."

Doctor: "Damn it! Your are just ill-mannered. And you are conceited too. Do you believe to be more clever than me? Do you believe to be more expert than me? I am a famous specialist! Well, I was saying you must spend your summer in a marine place and... "

Patient: "Doctor, but I..."

Doctor: "Ok, you have won. Say what you want"

Patient: "Doctor, I was trying to say that I am a lifeguard..."

Curt · « **Reply #184 on:** January 17, 2014, 07:52 AM »

right up our alley:

[attachimg=#]

Deozaan · « **Reply #185 on:** January 21, 2014, 07:59 AM »

Quote from: Giampy on June 03, 2013, 04:02 PM

Patient: "Doctor, I was trying to say that I am a lifeguard..."

I don't get it.

Curt · « **Reply #186 on:** January 21, 2014, 08:48 AM »

the lifeguard was in advance already fulfilling every one of the doctor's recommendations, but that made him sick ~ the cure already made him the patient.

Not overwhelmingly funny, but quite cute.

Giampy · « **Reply #187 on:** January 21, 2014, 01:24 PM »

Quote from: Deozaan on January 21, 2014, 07:59 AM

I don't get it.

I hope the word "lifeguard" is just what I meant: a person who works all summer long on the beach of the sea to rescue people in difficult while they swim.
Therefore that patient already spends his whole summer in a marine place.

The main point of that joke is the arrogance of the doctor and his useless therapy.

Deozaan · « **Reply #188 on:** January 22, 2014, 01:21 AM »

Quote from: Curt on January 21, 2014, 08:48 AM

the lifeguard was in advance already fulfilling every one of the doctor's recommendations, but that made him sick ~ the cure already made him the patient.

I'm not sure where you got that from. What about being a lifeguard would cause bronchitis? Without the context of what caused the ailment, or without hearing the rest of the doctor's recommendation for the cure, how were we supposed to know that? Maybe he was supposed to spend his summer in a "marine place" but not actually get in the water.

Quote from: Giampy on January 21, 2014, 01:24 PM

The main point of that joke is the arrogance of the doctor and his useless therapy.

To me it sounds the patient was indeed very rude and arrogant. The doctor asked nicely if he could finish, but the patient kept interrupting him before he could finish his instructions.

TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #189 on:** January 22, 2014, 04:44 AM »

Quote from: Deozaan on January 22, 2014, 01:21 AM

Quote from: Giampy on January 21, 2014, 01:24 PM
The main point of that joke is the arrogance of the doctor and his useless therapy.

To me it sounds the patient was indeed very rude and arrogant. The doctor asked nicely if he could finish, but the patient kept interrupting him before he could finish his instructions.

I dunno, speaking from a bit of a new perspective, this goes both ways, hence the subtle joke of it all. The Doctor was peeling off his "standard speech", but the moderately informed patient had an "edge case", and was trying to inform the Doctor to get to the Next Level of care.

I do tax prep this year. I have a lot of these kinds of standard speeches. But if a client tries to tell me that they "already tried to file their taxes and gave up", or something, then they don't need the basic speeches, they need me to figure out whatever they got stuck on. Easy examples are LGBTQ marriages or Performing Artists, or multi state returns. I say straight up "Okay, I've never seen a Maryland return but you have one, so I will look at it a few days with my boss before it goes out."

Giampy · « **Reply #190 on:** January 22, 2014, 10:38 AM »

I reported the joke as I remembered it, without caring about its perfection.
To fix the matter I try to rewrite the joke.

------------

The doctor loftily says: "To solve your disease you must spend your summer in a marine place"

Patient: "Excuse me, but I..."

Doctor: "What's wrong? Don't you trust me?"

Patient: "Excuse me, but I..."

Doctor: "Hey, do you doubt about me? Do you dare that?"

Patient: "Excuse me, but I..."

Doctor: "Damn it! Your are irritatingly insistent! Do you believe to be more clever than me? I am a very famous specialist!"

Patient: "Doctor, but I..."

Doctor, nervously and almost loudly: "Ok, you have won. Say what you want!!!"

Patient: "Doctor, I was trying to say that I am a lifeguard..."

bit · « **Reply #191 on:** February 07, 2014, 12:11 AM »

There once was a worn-out comic,
Whose jokes were no longer tonic,
Till he met a young child,
Whose sensibilities were mild,
And their friendship soon became chronic.

Edvard · « **Reply #192 on:** February 25, 2014, 05:44 AM »

A certain old cat had made his home in the alley behind Gabe's bar for some time, subsisting on scraps and occasional handouts from the bartender. One evening, emboldened by hunger, the feline attempted to follow Gabe through the back door. Regrettably, only the his body had made it through when the door slammed shut, severing the cat's tail at its base. This proved too much for the old creature, who looked sadly at Gabe and expired on the spot. Gabe put the carcass back out in the alley and went back to business.
The mandatory closing time arrived and Gabe was in the process of locking up after the last customers had gone. Approaching the back door he was startled to see an apparition of the old cat mournfully holding its severed tail out, silently pleading for Gabe to put the tail back on its corpse so that it could go on to the kitty afterworld complete.
Gabe shook his head sadly and said to the ghost, "I can't. You know the law -- no retailing spirits after 2:00 AM."

Curt · « **Reply #193 on:** March 14, 2014, 02:40 PM »

Sadly the picture here is 615 x 2489 pixels,
but there are important subtitles to read:

[attachimg=#]

wraith808 · « **Reply #194 on:** March 14, 2014, 06:40 PM »

^ From http://www.hitfix.com/comedy/family-feud-answers-that-caused-steve-harvey-to-lose-faith-in-humanity

Another funny one:

Quote

Name something you really can take with you if you have a big enough casket.

A Pet.

You're dead, so you're going to kill your pet because you didn't make it?

Curt · « **Reply #195 on:** March 16, 2014, 09:20 PM »

I don't have twitter or instagram, so I walk the streets, shouting at random people. I'm screaming out what it looks like in my place, and what I do, what I am eating and drinking, what I am hearing, watching, (not) thinking, what clothes I am wearing, and what my pet just did.

So far I have 3 followers, yeah! One I think is a doctor, the other two are policemen.

TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #196 on:** April 01, 2014, 12:56 AM »

And via member DMD elsewhere, I decided not to spoil his thread but his awesome new word "splinterface" is just begging for a Lady Gaga parody!

TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #197 on:** April 01, 2014, 12:58 AM »

Quote from: Curt on March 16, 2014, 09:20 PM

I don't have twitter or instagram, so I walk the streets, shouting at random people. I'm screaming out what it looks like in my place, and what I do, what I am eating and drinking, what I am hearing, watching, (not) thinking, what clothes I am wearing, and what my pet just did.

So far I have 3 followers, yeah! One I think is a doctor, the other two are policemen.

Actually when trapped in places with the wrong level of ambient bustle, getting someone on a cell phone right next to you is really annoying! I've thought about just pulling out my phone and making up a random fake call just to compete in noise-space!

Deozaan · « **Reply #198 on:** April 01, 2014, 01:29 AM »

Quote from: TaoPhoenix on April 01, 2014, 12:58 AM

Actually when trapped in places with the wrong level of ambient bustle, getting someone on a cell phone right next to you is really annoying! I've thought about just pulling out my phone and making up a random fake call just to compete in noise-space!

You mean like this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtdpJlZ07u4

mouser · « **Reply #199 on:** April 01, 2014, 01:43 AM »

Great stuff.