Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content] (Read 5,847,927 times)

IainB · « **Reply #2200 on:** September 26, 2013, 03:00 AM »

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IainB · « **Reply #2201 on:** September 26, 2013, 01:31 PM »

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Renegade · « **Reply #2202 on:** September 26, 2013, 01:58 PM »

Hey! This remind anyone of someone?

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wraith808 · « **Reply #2203 on:** September 26, 2013, 03:15 PM »

As much as we see bad about police officers- here's a couple of funny jokes.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2279789/I-chase-I-bite--crime-report-dog--Police-investigate-completing-witness-statement-written-force-dog.html

At least they had a sense of humor! That's the prosecutor's fault... not the policeman's!

And for the second joke (also based on real-life testimony)

Defense Attorney: Officer Smith, would you agree that you trust your partners?
Officer Smith: Yes, I do.
Defense Attorney: With your life?
Officer Smith: Everyday.
Defense Attorney: Do you have a locker in the complex?
Officer Smith: (baffled at the question) Yes... I do?
Defense Attorney: And do you have a lock on your locker?
Officer Smith: Yes, of course.
Defense Attorney: Why, if you trust your fellow officers, do you have a lock on your locker.
Officer Smith: (without a beat) Because the lawyers have access to the locker room also.

Renegade · « **Reply #2204 on:** September 26, 2013, 04:12 PM »

^ Loved the dog one there!

The lawyer one was good too!

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #2205 on:** September 26, 2013, 06:53 PM »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNUNB6CMnE8

Deozaan · « **Reply #2206 on:** September 26, 2013, 08:54 PM »

Quote from: Arizona Hot on September 26, 2013, 06:53 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNUNB6CMnE8

I don't get it. What's humorous about that?

wraith808 · « **Reply #2207 on:** September 26, 2013, 10:12 PM »

... ummm... nothing?

Stoic Joker · « **Reply #2208 on:** September 26, 2013, 10:25 PM »

Quote from: Deozaan on September 26, 2013, 08:54 PM

Quote from: Arizona Hot on September 26, 2013, 06:53 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNUNB6CMnE8

I don't get it. What's humorous about that?

Probably just that he's mooning us.

Deozaan · « **Reply #2209 on:** September 26, 2013, 10:54 PM »

Quote from: Stoic Joker on September 26, 2013, 10:25 PM

Quote from: Deozaan on September 26, 2013, 08:54 PM
Quote from: Arizona Hot on September 26, 2013, 06:53 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNUNB6CMnE8

I don't get it. What's humorous about that?

Probably just that he's mooning us.

That's just silly!

rgdot · « **Reply #2210 on:** September 26, 2013, 11:19 PM »

Two blondes in Las Vegas were sitting on a bench talking ... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Hellooooooo, can you see Florida?"

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #2211 on:** September 27, 2013, 03:38 AM »

How many people here have a practical use for Capt. Crunch's full name?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-CjECK_sgU

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Horatio Magellan Crunch

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #2212 on:** September 27, 2013, 03:44 AM »

Quote from: Deozaan on September 26, 2013, 10:54 PM

Quote from: Stoic Joker on September 26, 2013, 10:25 PM
Quote from: Deozaan on September 26, 2013, 08:54 PM
Quote from: Arizona Hot on September 26, 2013, 06:53 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNUNB6CMnE8

I don't get it. What's humorous about that?

Probably just that he's mooning us.

That's just silly!

Actually I wanted to post an animated gif of it, but couldn't get gifsoup to do it, so I thought someone here could do it.

Giampy · « **Reply #2213 on:** September 27, 2013, 12:50 PM »

CIA needs a killer and it subjects three persons to a test.

Agent of CIA speaks to the first person, a man: "Take this pistol. In the other room there is your wife. Kill her."
The man: "No, I can't do it!".
Agent: "You are not reliable. Goodbye."

Agent of CIA speaks to the second person, a man again: "Take this pistol. In the other room there is your wife. Kill her."
The man takes the pistol, enters in the other room, comes back and says: "No, I can't do it...".
Agent: "You are not reliable. Goodbye."

Agent of CIA speaks to the third person, a woman: "Take this pistol. In the other room there is your husband. Kill him."
The woman suddenly takes the pistol, enters in the other room, she doesn't close the door either. The agent hears all the shots, then he hears screams, the noise of a violent fight, the noise of broken furnitures.
The woman comes back and says: "Your bullets were false. I had to kill that bastard by the chair!".

Renegade · « **Reply #2214 on:** September 27, 2013, 02:28 PM »

^ Hahahah!

TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #2215 on:** September 27, 2013, 04:41 PM »

I'll make up my own version of it!

---

CIA needs a killer and it subjects three persons to a test.

Agent of CIA speaks to the first person, a man: "Take this pistol. In the other room there is your wife. Kill her."
The man: Takes the gun. Then shoots the agent, dead.

After some unclear delay later, a supervisor looks in. He is shocked to find his agent dead! Because he is busy being shocked, the man shoots the supervisor dead!

Then a Top Agent brings a team which finally subdues the man after losing three of their men to anti-armor placed shots! When all the smoke cleared, and they asked the man "What the HELL was THAT??", the man replied: "Didn't you want a killer?"

TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #2216 on:** September 27, 2013, 04:44 PM »

Quote from: Renegade on September 27, 2013, 04:34 AM

Once again, my super-powers of not pissing myself laughing have come in quite handy! (Still working on the pooping powers...)

Renny, please visit the rest room before reading any further political threads!

Quote from: Renegade on September 27, 2013, 04:34 AM

I also want a plaid pegasus pony with a polka-dot saddle so I can ride over the rainbow and go swimming in a leprechaun's pot of gold!

China can make that for you! Not sure of the money conversion, but maybe about 60 ___ whatever it is in your country!

Renegade · « **Reply #2217 on:** September 28, 2013, 07:07 AM »

Quote from: TaoPhoenix on September 27, 2013, 04:44 PM

Quote from: Renegade on September 27, 2013, 04:34 AM
Once again, my super-powers of not pissing myself laughing have come in quite handy! (Still working on the pooping powers...)

Renny, please visit the rest room before reading any further political threads!

Problem is that politics is always full of BS, and it's infectiously communicative. No hope there without the super-power of not pooping oneself.

Quote from: TaoPhoenix on September 27, 2013, 04:44 PM

Quote from: Renegade on September 27, 2013, 04:34 AM
I also want a plaid pegasus pony with a polka-dot saddle so I can ride over the rainbow and go swimming in a leprechaun's pot of gold!

China can make that for you! Not sure of the money conversion, but maybe about 60 ___ whatever it is in your country!

Gotta be careful about knockoffs there though. Don't want no fake or low quality polka-dot saddles!

app103 · « **Reply #2218 on:** September 28, 2013, 10:45 AM »

Quote from: Renegade on September 28, 2013, 07:07 AM

Gotta be careful about knockoffs there though. Don't want no fake or low quality polka-dot saddles!

Sometimes you have to be careful of the real thing, too, especially when it comes to "leprechaun gold". It might not be something you'd want to swim in.

IainB · « **Reply #2219 on:** September 30, 2013, 05:14 AM »

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TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #2220 on:** September 30, 2013, 10:48 PM »

First of a small series where innocent posts in threads inspire humor-thread response.

Quote from: app103 on September 30, 2013, 04:54 PM

...
So which exactly is it? You are a YAC user? Or you never heard of YAC? Both can't be true.

Shades of Schrodinger's Cat!

Renegade · « **Reply #2221 on:** October 01, 2013, 08:08 AM »

Why does this remind me of Stephen?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9K18CGEeiI

And he's been rather absent lately.

Renegade · « **Reply #2222 on:** October 01, 2013, 08:10 AM »

I'm sure I can't be the only one falling off my chair laughing my ass off at this:

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And don't come back!

Renegade · « **Reply #2223 on:** October 01, 2013, 08:37 AM »

http://www.reddit.com/r/Libertarian/comments/1nhlvg/happy_government_shut_down_everyone/ccir4ow

BWAHAHAHAAHA!

Quote

Remember not to wipe your browser history or cookies. Now that we're shut down its up to us to spy on ourselves.

mouser · « **Reply #2224 on:** October 01, 2013, 11:49 AM »

It has been said that rather than complain, it's better to be constructive, and in that vein, and in the spirit of this thread, i've decided to make a flowchart for DC member Renegade, to print out and keep next to his monitor.