This is not a political joke...

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First, there was Cock Puncher...

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Then, there was Cock Muncher!

http://www.theguardian.com/sport/2013/sep/11/penis-bite-anthony-watts-banned

Penis bite lands Anthony Watts eight-match ban, say reports
• Incident occurred during local rugby league final
• Latest in series of incidents for former NRL star

Ex-NRL player Anthony Watts has reportedly been handed an eight-match ban for biting an opponent's penis during a local rugby league final on the Gold Coast.

...

Video footage of the incident shows the Jets player reeling away in pain after clashing with Watts near the goal line.

He then quickly pulled down his shorts to show the damage to a referee who immediately placed Watts on report.

Seriously?

BWAHAHAHAHAHA~!

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Gotta love engineers

Quote from: kyrathaba on September 11, 2013, 02:23 PM

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Oh dear ... The punch line is actually quite close to the answer I typically give - like during job interviews - for that exact question (Which is: the glass is to big for the task at hand, and leave me out of your silly  :)ing exorcise).

While I have been insisting since childhood, in all seriousness, that the glass is completely full.

Quote from: app103 on September 11, 2013, 08:11 PM

Quote from: Stoic Joker on September 11, 2013, 04:10 PM

Quote from: kyrathaba on September 11, 2013, 02:23 PM

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Oh dear ... The punch line is actually quite close to the answer I typically give - like during job interviews - for that exact question (Which is: the glass is to big for the task at hand, and leave me out of your silly  :)ing exorcise).

While I have been insisting since childhood, in all seriousness, that the glass is completely full.

Which asserts that the serving size is correct, and that the seemingly extra rim space is simply a requirement of/for safe yet rapid transport.

Hm... I like it!

It's just my recognition of the half a glass of air that everyone else ignores. 

Found this letter to the editor copied on tallbloke's blog. Brilliant.
(OCR'd using MS OneNote.)

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Would be interesting to see that done as a kind of flow chart.

Just google circle jerk ... I'm pretty sure it's the same thing.


It's been said that the best way to avoid getting raped in prison is to sit down and keep your mouth shut. The US really should take that advice to heart me thinks.

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King's chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a
little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.

Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their
chambers.. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching
powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours,
Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his
payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't
have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to
the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching
powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.

The moral of the story - Pay your bloody bills !!!

they also launched a frog, but don't know where it went.

i think it's safe to assume he went to the great froggy heaven in the sky.

A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.

"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.

"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".

"Then show me", replies the interviewer.

So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colors before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.

"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".

"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".

"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.

"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"