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Last post Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]  (Read 5,847,927 times)

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1225 on: February 04, 2013, 10:30 PM »
Yada...yada...yada...
"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning"  - Catherine Aird

Target

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1226 on: February 04, 2013, 11:29 PM »
skydiver.png
wtf?

these from our local rail timetable - fyi it's a request for travel details to the next station from the CBD (there are 2 options...)

option 1
train1.png
option 2
train2.png
Alcohol is photoshop, bottled
Askhole - someone who ask for advice, then ignores it
"Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought" - Sir William Osler
« Last Edit: February 04, 2013, 11:35 PM by Target »

Giampy

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1227 on: February 04, 2013, 11:46 PM »
"You should never have fun with bungee jumping. Many people came into the world because of the break of a piece of rubber. Would you want to go away because of the same reason?"
"A refrigerator without beer is like a body without soul"

Edvard

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1228 on: February 05, 2013, 04:16 AM »
Quote from: Arizona Hot on February 04, 2013, 05:11 PM
Do the 'kindergarten blues' count as blues?
I like the "Teach kids to play piano by teaching them blues" idea.  Why not?  Minor pentatonic has less notes than a major scale; makes it easier to remember.  My response:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4-BLATNHWE
Quote
How about the Billionaire Blues?
Not the Blues.  That is a calypso-flavored ditty.
Quote
Can you sing the blues before an IRS audit?
Assumin' that you made enough money to file any taxes that year, instead of pushing a broom to pay for bar tab.  In which case, if the IRS took your Cadillac or broke-down truck as tax payment, yes.  Otherwise, no.
;D
All children left unattended will be given a mocha and a puppy.

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1229 on: February 05, 2013, 05:28 AM »
Quote from: Arizona Hot on February 04, 2013, 10:11 PM
@IainB: Do you think Alan Turingw would have been a good LISP programmer?
I could not pothibly comment.

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1230 on: February 05, 2013, 05:36 AM »
Why did they have to spell the word "dyslexia" that way?

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1231 on: February 05, 2013, 05:43 AM »
* A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
_______________________
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? A: He walks around saying, "Yo".
_______________________
In New York today, two dyslexic bank robbers ran into a bank shouting, "Air in the hands motherstickers, this is a f#ckup!"
_______________________
Dyslexics have more fnu.
_______________________
A slightly dyslexic signwriter was putting up a sign for a new shop called BRAT'S, but the sign read "PRAT'S".  The signwriter had just finished when the owner came out to check the sign.

"You can't put that there!" said the owner, appalled at the mistake.

"Why? What's wrong with it?" said the dyslexic signwriter.

"You got it wrong, you've put P...R...A...T...'S  - it should be B...R...A...T...'S !" he spelt out.

"Oh my god!" exclaimed the dyslexic signwriter in great agitation.

"What's so awful?  You only have to correct the first letter!" said the owner.

"That's not the problem, I've just come from doing a new sign for the LONDON BRICK company!"
_______________________
* Dyslexics.  Try deliberately spelling words wrongly.  This way at least you have a chance of spelling them correctly.
_______________________
Psychiatric hotline.
From the new answering service recently installed at the Royal College of Psychiatry:

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.  Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 0 0 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep, or after the beep.  Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.  If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.  If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.  All our operators are too busy to talk to you."
_______________________

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1232 on: February 05, 2013, 05:50 AM »
The BBC reports today:
Quote
DNA Confirms Parking Lot Remains Belong To King Richard III
British police are describing this as "Another worrying sign of the increase in violence in poorly-lit carparks", and question what Richard was doing there in the first place, as "He may have been up to no good.".

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1233 on: February 05, 2013, 06:41 AM »
^^@Iain - Lvoe teh dislicksia jkoes!
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1234 on: February 05, 2013, 09:45 AM »
Present for the Rabbi.

A Jewish congregation in suburban Boston honours its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid.

When he walks into his hotel room, he finds a beautiful nude woman lying on the bed.

She greets the Rabbi with: "Hi Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that the President of the Temple arranged for you."

The Rabbi is incensed.
He picks up the phone, calls the President of the Temple and shouts, "Greenblatt, what were you thinking? Where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our religious community! I am very angry with you and you have not heard the end of this."

Hearing this, the naked woman gets up and starts to get dressed.

The Rabbi turns to her and says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."

app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1235 on: February 05, 2013, 01:15 PM »
Quote from: Edvard on February 05, 2013, 04:16 AM
Quote
Can you sing the blues before an IRS audit?
Assumin' that you made enough money to file any taxes that year, instead of pushing a broom to pay for bar tab.  In which case, if the IRS took your Cadillac or broke-down truck as tax payment, yes.  Otherwise, no.
;D

  • or if the IRS took everything else and now you have to live in your Cadillac or broke-down truck
  • or if you end up in prison
  • or if they garnish your wages and there's nothing left to pay your alimony, child support for 7 kids, and feed your dog...which results in your dog either running away or dying of starvation, or your ex-wife shooting it to feed the kids.

:P

app103

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1236 on: February 05, 2013, 01:53 PM »
A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything-under-one-roof department store" looking for a job.

The manager says "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Missouri."

Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow, I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down, "How many sales did you make today?"

The kid says "one."

The boss says, "Just one?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a day! How much was the sale for?"

The kid says " $101,237.64"

The boss says, "$101,237.64? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SELL?"

Kid says, " First I sold him a small fish hook, then I sold him a medium fish hook, then I sold him a larger fish hook, then I sold him a new fishing rod, then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that Ford
4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him A BOAT AND A TRUCK?!?"

The kid says, " No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.....'!"

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1237 on: February 05, 2013, 01:59 PM »
Quote from: app103 on February 05, 2013, 01:53 PM
...
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him A BOAT AND A TRUCK?!?"

The kid says, " No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.....'!"

ROFL! ;D

That was excellent~!  :Thmbsup:
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

IainB

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1238 on: February 06, 2013, 01:12 PM »
Finally got his just deserts?

[attach]

f0dder

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1239 on: February 06, 2013, 02:25 PM »
I coaxed mouser into moving the "the word f***" wave/mp3 discussion to a new thread - thanks for the janitorial work, mousey! :)
- carpe noctem

tomos

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1240 on: February 07, 2013, 08:49 PM »
Revisiting:

Quote from: TaoPhoenix on February 03, 2013, 04:35 AM
Quote from: app103 on February 03, 2013, 02:31 AM
By the way, in case anyone is interested, the voice is Jack Wagner, an announcer famous for being the "Voice of Disneyland" and the recording is available in much better quality, here on archive.org

I actually was, the clip with George Carlin was annoying me because it pretty clearly wasn't George. I knew it had to be some kind of announcer - the cadences "just were announcer-y".

it sounds awfully like Carlin to me - putting on an 'announcery-y' style
Tom

Arizona Hot

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1241 on: February 07, 2013, 10:02 PM »
Open-source Death Star revived on Kickstarter after White House snub
[attach=#]

Open-source Death Star revived on Kickstarter after White House snub
"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning"  - Catherine Aird

tomos

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1242 on: February 07, 2013, 10:20 PM »
^ what would be really funny would be if they raised the £20 million :D


(they've already made 20% http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/461687407/kickstarter-open-source-death-star)
Tom

Fred Nerd

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1243 on: February 08, 2013, 10:48 AM »
Found a FB page of really bad jokes the other day, here are some of the 'better' ones:

My wife said I should try to see things from her point of view, so I went and looked out the kitchen window.

Broken mirror, 7 years bad luck, no big deal. Broken condom......

Alcohol is a solvent, when combined with soluble solids, the result is a solution. Which means that, according to chemistry, beer is indeed a solution.

Really offensive one below, don't click if you are a feminist or get easily offended.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
To all feminists who think women weren't meant to do the cooking, well how come you were born with eggs and milk?

Deozaan

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1244 on: February 08, 2013, 08:31 PM »
Here's a funny trailer for a video game called Soulcaster II: The Lost

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyB1sYr8DaM


It kind of reminds me of this trailer for Offspring Fling:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TIVD7qwEiE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzoroM4n1QM

mrHappy

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1245 on: February 10, 2013, 04:27 PM »
tracert -h 100 216.81.59.173

try it.
There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have friends.

f0dder

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1246 on: February 10, 2013, 04:27 PM »
Quote from: mrHappy on February 10, 2013, 04:27 PM
tracert -h 100 216.81.59.173

try it.
It's pretty cute abuse of technology =)
- carpe noctem

Renegade

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1247 on: February 10, 2013, 04:40 PM »
Quote from: f0dder on February 10, 2013, 04:27 PM
Quote from: mrHappy on February 10, 2013, 04:27 PM
tracert -h 100 216.81.59.173

try it.
It's pretty cute abuse of technology =)

Abuse? That was pure awesomeness~! :D Loved it!

This is a spoiler
13  301 ms  306 ms  304 ms  10.26.26.102
14  303 ms  305 ms  306 ms  Episode.IV [206.214.251.1]
15  302 ms  304 ms  305 ms  A.NEW.HOPE [206.214.251.6]
16  304 ms  304 ms  305 ms  It.is.a.period.of.civil.war [206.214.251.9]
17  305 ms  304 ms  308 ms  Rebel.spaceships [206.214.251.14]
18  306 ms  306 ms  310 ms  striking.from.a.hidden.base [206.214.251.17]
19  304 ms  324 ms  303 ms  have.won.their.first.victory [206.214.251.22]
20  304 ms  343 ms  309 ms  against.the.evil.Galactic.Empire [206.214.251.25
]
21  302 ms  338 ms  303 ms  During.the.battle [206.214.251.30]
22  307 ms  314 ms  305 ms  Rebel.spies.managed [206.214.251.33]
23  308 ms  304 ms  320 ms  to.steal.secret.plans [206.214.251.38]
24  303 ms  312 ms  303 ms  to.the.Empires.ultimate.weapon [206.214.251.41]

25  303 ms  331 ms  306 ms  the.DEATH.STAR [206.214.251.46]
26  304 ms  342 ms  303 ms  an.armored.space.station [206.214.251.49]
27  306 ms  336 ms  302 ms  with.enough.power.to [206.214.251.54]
28  306 ms  333 ms  305 ms  destroy.an.entire.planet [206.214.251.57]
29  309 ms  335 ms  306 ms  Pursued.by.the.Empires [206.214.251.62]
30  303 ms  335 ms  308 ms  sinister.agents [206.214.251.65]
31  307 ms  336 ms  304 ms  Princess.Leia.races.home [206.214.251.70]
32  302 ms  333 ms  303 ms  aboard.her.starship [206.214.251.73]
33  309 ms  331 ms  311 ms  custodian.of.the.stolen.plans [206.214.251.78]
34  306 ms  326 ms  303 ms  that.can.save.her [206.214.251.81]
35  309 ms  326 ms  311 ms  people.and.restore [206.214.251.86]
36  312 ms  305 ms  309 ms  freedom.to.the.galaxy [206.214.251.89]
37  310 ms  318 ms  306 ms  0-------------------0 [206.214.251.94]
38  309 ms  333 ms  304 ms  0------------------0 [206.214.251.97]
39  302 ms  332 ms  309 ms  0-----------------0 [206.214.251.102]
40  309 ms  329 ms  304 ms  0----------------0 [206.214.251.105]
41  310 ms  329 ms  323 ms  0---------------0 [206.214.251.110]
42  306 ms  329 ms  310 ms  0--------------0 [206.214.251.113]
43  309 ms  336 ms  307 ms  0-------------0 [206.214.251.118]
44  314 ms  322 ms  303 ms  0------------0 [206.214.251.121]
45  309 ms  328 ms  307 ms  0-----------0 [206.214.251.126]
46  305 ms  328 ms  306 ms  0----------0 [206.214.251.129]
47  308 ms  334 ms  309 ms  0---------0 [206.214.251.134]
48  309 ms  336 ms  308 ms  0--------0 [206.214.251.137]
49  306 ms  315 ms  312 ms  0-------0 [206.214.251.142]
50  309 ms  303 ms  309 ms  0------0 [206.214.251.145]
51  304 ms  318 ms  308 ms  0-----0 [206.214.251.150]
52  306 ms  314 ms  312 ms  0----0 [206.214.251.153]
53  310 ms  364 ms  313 ms  0---0 [206.214.251.158]
54  309 ms  309 ms  311 ms  0--0 [206.214.251.161]
55  311 ms  313 ms  315 ms  0-0 [206.214.251.166]
56  308 ms  309 ms  306 ms  00 [206.214.251.169]
57  305 ms  308 ms  310 ms  I [206.214.251.174]
58  307 ms  315 ms  310 ms  By.Ryan.Werber [206.214.251.177]
59  308 ms  313 ms  310 ms  When.CCIEs.Get.Bored [206.214.251.182]
60  311 ms  306 ms  308 ms  read.more.at.beaglenetworks.net [206.214.251.185
]
61  310 ms  330 ms  309 ms  FIN [216.81.59.173]

Trace complete.
Slow Down Music - Where I commit thought crimes...

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. - John Diefenbaker

kalos

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1248 on: February 10, 2013, 05:20 PM »
4323893+_d0b6a81d567bcd0db888c1772f386aec.gif

Deal-with-it-puke-vomit-throw-up.gif
(I like that the kid stays with his arms crossed, trying to "hide" that something happened, but the author of the gif insists that the kid actually wants to say that he doesn't care about what happened)

Now+do+me+Aragorn+_61cbf1b8c7bfe9b7700c5578a7832fda.gif

there was also one with boromir, aragorn and legolas and some homo puns, very funny, but I cant locate it

superboyac

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Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
« Reply #1249 on: February 11, 2013, 04:01 AM »
:D at the kid throwing up.  talk about keeping a straight face!
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