Author Topic: Best Programming Jokes (Read 51,676 times)

Edvard · « **on:** May 20, 2008, 04:46 PM »

Perhaps you've seen these before...

Quote

A SQL query goes to a restaurant, walks up to 2 tables and says “Can I join you?”

http://www.devtopics.com/best-programming-jokes/

from WeirdDaily

This one sent me off my chair PMSROFLMAO

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
very long pause….
"Java."

Deozaan · « **Reply #1 on:** May 20, 2008, 05:24 PM »

Quote from: Edvard on May 20, 2008, 04:46 PM

PMSROFLMAO

I've never really associated PMS with that much laughter before. . .

Edvard · « **Reply #2 on:** May 20, 2008, 05:35 PM »

Sorry. Clarification follows...
Peeing MySelf

tinjaw · « **Reply #3 on:** May 20, 2008, 05:47 PM »

Quote from: Edvard on May 20, 2008, 04:46 PM

This one sent me off my chair PMSROFLMAO

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
very long pause….
"Java."

I admit that I haven't heard this one before. But I like it.

I'm going to use it... as soon as I can find somebody who would get the joke.

cranioscopical · « **Reply #4 on:** May 20, 2008, 06:55 PM »

Quote from: tinjaw on May 20, 2008, 05:47 PM

as soon as I can find somebody who would get the joke

Make a collection, throw in one about Python, and you'll have the full monty!

Edvard · « **Reply #5 on:** May 20, 2008, 09:28 PM »

Quote from: cranioscopical on May 20, 2008, 06:55 PM

Make a collection, throw in one about Python, and you'll have the full monty!

*groan*

Ok, here you go...
from "If programming languages were cars"...

Quote

Python is a great beginner's car; you can drive it without a license. Unless you want to drive really fast or on really treacherous terrain, you may never need another car.

ChalkTrauma · « **Reply #6 on:** May 22, 2008, 03:42 AM »

This one always incites groans to any group of software engineers I tell it to ( and rightly so )

Quote

Did you know why real programmers do not know the difference between Halloween and
Christmas?

Because Oct31 = Dec25

f0dder · « **Reply #7 on:** May 22, 2008, 12:46 PM »

Everybody knows that christmas is really Dec24, though

Deozaan · « **Reply #8 on:** May 23, 2008, 08:01 PM »

Quote from: f0dder on May 22, 2008, 12:46 PM

Everybody knows that christmas is really Dec24, though

No it isn't. That's Christmas Eve.

I know a lot of people do all the celebrating on Dec 24, but there are some of us (probably nearly just as many) that do the celebrations on Dec 25.

Lashiec · « **Reply #9 on:** May 25, 2008, 01:48 AM »

I celebrate on both days

Fred Nerd · « **Reply #10 on:** May 25, 2008, 11:07 AM »

Check out www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

Some beauties there. Only problem is no-one else gets the joke.

Deozaan · « **Reply #11 on:** May 25, 2008, 10:34 PM »

Quote from: Fred Nerd on May 25, 2008, 11:07 AM

Check out www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

Some beauties there. Only problem is no-one else gets the joke.

This has got to be the best one I've ever heard:

Quote from: http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_mincing.shtml

Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

arunpawar · « **Reply #12 on:** May 26, 2008, 10:57 AM »

is there any joke on C#...

...??? i want to poke one of my friend who hate ruby and python...let me kick him with anything related to .NET

holt · « **Reply #13 on:** February 01, 2017, 11:28 PM »

Mouse test: Run all relevant self-tests for 'laser mouse'.
If 'clean'; depress left button, and move hand describing a series of on-screen B's. Check only with the upper case letter 'B' or the test will result in an automatic 'Fail'.
Lift finger from left button.
Wait ten seconds.
Lift mouse from mouse pad, and check to see if the mouse laser left a trail of letter B's anywhere on the pad. Even partial B's matter, so use a good light source and be as thorough as possible.
If no B's are found; Congratulations; your mouse is free from Ray-B's!

Josh · « **Reply #14 on:** February 02, 2017, 01:21 AM »

When you just want to watch the world burn, commit this:

#define true (rand()!=0)
#define false (rand()==0)

antekgla · « **Reply #15 on:** February 02, 2017, 02:37 AM »

Accurate depiction of end users

tomos · « **Reply #16 on:** February 02, 2017, 09:36 AM »

^ that's me lol
(makes me a great beta tester though: if something can be done wrong, I'll do it

)

panzer · « **Reply #17 on:** February 02, 2017, 09:54 AM »

If anyone wants to know: this scene is from Gravity Falls ...:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1865718/

antekgla · « **Reply #18 on:** February 02, 2017, 11:28 AM »

Software Development Process

holt · « **Reply #19 on:** December 11, 2017, 07:36 AM »

What to do with a non-functioning irreparable wall clock--
Write the following mssg on a piece of one-inch masking tape and stick it to the clock face:
'HA HA MADE YOU LOOK'

Deozaan · « **Reply #20 on:** December 11, 2017, 10:31 AM »

Quote from: holt on December 11, 2017, 07:36 AM

What to do with a non-functioning irreparable wall clock--
Write the following mssg on a piece of one-inch masking tape and stick it to the clock face:
'HA HA MADE YOU LOOK'

I don't get it. What does this have to do with programming?

IainB · « **Reply #21 on:** December 11, 2017, 11:15 AM »

^^ I'd recommend it (as being more useful) spending time replacing the clock anyway, rather than spending the time necessary to stick a derisive message on its face. It's all about time.

holt · « **Reply #22 on:** December 15, 2017, 10:53 PM »

^Deozaan & IainB -- OK I suppose an apology is in order for the taped clock joke. I kind of imagined the unfixable wall clock as sort of a mutually common denominator between computer programming and time. But I realize I left out some helpful hints, such as that the clock would need to be hanging on a wall in someone's residence, or garage, or business, or say, a college professor's typically cluttered office, to be seen as a sort of 'standing joke', a teaser to invoke friendly conversational overtures. Even at that, I have to admit it's a bit of a stretch. The 'ha ha' part could at least be left out, to help avoid offending anyone. By the way, I broke our kitchen wall clock about a month ago while replacing the AA battery. It slipped through my fingers and fell about one foot or 1/3rd meter onto the kitchen table; really not far at all. But after resetting the time and finally getting it to stay put on the wall, there the clock hands stayed stuck 'forever' at eight minutes to twelve.

IainB · « **Reply #23 on:** December 15, 2017, 11:34 PM »

@holt: Please, don't apologise! None required - for me, at any rate. I don't insist that every joke must amuse me to be a valid joke. I'm no official guardian of "correct" humour in this thread, or the forum.
Everybody is entitled to have a different sense of humour, whether one likes/understands it, or not. Vive la différence!

Deozaan · « **Reply #24 on:** December 17, 2017, 08:28 AM »

Here's my opinion, as curmudgeonly as it may be:

Part of telling a good joke is knowing your audience. Programmers tend to (try to) be precise in their language, since being imprecise easily leads to bugs in code. Posting a joke in the "Best Programming Jokes" thread implies it will have to do with programming, and sets an expectation for the reader of what to look for in the punchline. If the joke has nothing to do with programming, then it seems fair that a programmer reading the joke may get caught up trying to find the programming part of the joke instead of appreciating the joke on its own merits.

If you want to tell a silly joke that's not about programming, go right ahead. We already have the Silly Humor thread, where such a joke can be given all the appreciation it deserves.