Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content] (Read 5,847,927 times)

IainB · « **Reply #1300 on:** February 26, 2013, 06:24 AM »

Quote from: tomos on February 25, 2013, 04:06 PM

..."I got a kidney shaped pool with a stone in it"

Heh. Very droll, that one.

Giampy · « **Reply #1301 on:** February 26, 2013, 11:53 AM »

Geeks trying the new apps:

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Arizona Hot · « **Reply #1302 on:** February 26, 2013, 06:58 PM »

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10 Weird Internet Dating Websites

IainB · « **Reply #1303 on:** February 27, 2013, 03:42 PM »

When I were a lad...

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IainB · « **Reply #1304 on:** March 03, 2013, 09:19 AM »

Made me larf: Separated at Birth

IainB · « **Reply #1305 on:** March 06, 2013, 10:14 PM »

Quote from: Arizona Hot on January 08, 2013, 08:24 PM

Here's a spacey sound from something seemingly mundane. Hot Nickel Dropped Into Water
(see attachment in previous post)

That account seems to have closed. I found what is probably the original video here:
Hot Nickel Dropped Into Water

Interesting sound-effects.

IainB · « **Reply #1306 on:** March 07, 2013, 12:22 AM »

@Stephen66515 's NSFW post: Re: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
- reminded me of this joke:

Quote

Glass eye.
A man who had a glass eye was at a party, and he became very drunk. As he was standing, weaving somewhat, and eating stuffed olives by the handful from a bowl full of olives, someone whacked him heartily on his back. The shock of the impact caused his glass eye to pop out. Thinking that it had gone on the floor, he got down on his hands and knees to look for it, but to no avail. Eventually, he gave up looking for the glass eye and returned to wolfing down the stuffed olives. What he did not notice, in his drunken state, was that the glass eye had fallen into the bowl of olives, and, sure enough, he eventually scooped it up and swallowed it.

The next day, he did not feel so well, and was very constipated. He guessed he was still hung over from the party. But the next day he felt worse and was still constipated, and his anus hurt. The glass eye had blocked his colon, and his digested food was backing up all down his intestine - but of course he didn't know that. The day after that, he went to the doctor's surgery and explained his condition, and that he felt really ill and his anus hurt a great deal.

The doctor told him to drop his trousers and bend over so that he could give him a rectal examination.

"Will it hurt?" asked the man.

"No it'll just be a little uncomfortable Mr.Jones. Don't worry." the doctor replied.

So Jones took off his trousers and underpants, and was about to bend over when he observed the doctor putting on a rubber glove.

"Are you going to poke your fingers inside my anus?" he asked the doctor.

"Yes, of course. That's the best way to examine you." replied the doctor.

"Are you sure it won't hurt?" asked Jones.

"Look Mr.Jones, you will just have to trust me on this. It won't hurt. Will you trust me?"

"Oh, OK. If you are sure then." said the man, and, as he proceeded to bend over, he added, "You are absolutely sure it won't hurt, aren't you?"

"Yes! Now please be still!" replied the doctor, becoming impatient, and at the same time moving forwards to examine Jones' anus.

The doctor then gently prised apart his patient's rectal sphincter and was amazed to see a single eye staring up at him from the sphincter.

"For goodness' sake Mr.Jones! You really must trust me more than this you know!" the doctor exclaimed.

Tinman57 · « **Reply #1307 on:** March 07, 2013, 12:47 AM »

Quote from: IainB on March 07, 2013, 12:22 AM

"Yes! Now please be still!" replied the doctor, becoming impatient, and at the same time moving forwards to examine Jones' anus.

I heard a different version:
The doctor bent over to examine his anus, then ran out of the room screaming. The very disturbed man pulled up his trousers and chased after the doctor asking him what was wrong. The doctor said "I've looked at many assholes in my life, but this is the first one that ever looked back".

cmpm · « **Reply #1308 on:** March 10, 2013, 01:10 AM »

I thought this was pretty funny, in a truth sort of way.

KynloStephen66515 · « **Reply #1309 on:** March 10, 2013, 04:01 AM »

KynloStephen66515 · « **Reply #1310 on:** March 10, 2013, 04:04 AM »

tomos · « **Reply #1311 on:** March 10, 2013, 02:01 PM »

^eh, I enjoyed the dog txts ...

KynloStephen66515 · « **Reply #1312 on:** March 11, 2013, 09:58 PM »

IainB · « **Reply #1313 on:** March 12, 2013, 05:09 AM »

I thought this was a silly made-up joke, but it's not.
Very droll.
See here:

Quote

On Wednesday, March 6, the House Science, Space and Technology Committee sent out a notice that its hearing on global warming was cancelled due to the chilly weather and a snowstorm that was about to hit the nation’s capital.

- and the headline here:

Quote

Hill hearing on global warming cancelled by D.C. snowstorm.

I think there might be some comedians editing the headlines at The Washingtom Times though. New Zealanders would call that sort of thing "poking the borax".

We are having a rather delayed start and long overdue decent summer here in NZ.

app103 · « **Reply #1314 on:** March 12, 2013, 06:54 AM »

And here is the link to the news story I mentioned in the last comment: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20021387-504083.html

TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #1315 on:** March 12, 2013, 12:19 PM »

Heh yeah, that's just a fairly famous lawyer joke from the net with some pic stuck onto it.

40hz · « **Reply #1316 on:** March 12, 2013, 12:32 PM »

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app103 · « **Reply #1317 on:** March 12, 2013, 03:26 PM »

Quote from: TaoPhoenix on March 12, 2013, 12:19 PM

Heh yeah, that's just a fairly famous lawyer joke from the net with some pic stuck onto it.

It's not just "some pic" stuck to it, it's a crack dealer's mug shot being passed off as an honest granny.

That, to me, was funner than the actual joke.

IainB · « **Reply #1318 on:** March 12, 2013, 07:43 PM »

Quote from: app103 on March 12, 2013, 03:26 PM

Quote from: TaoPhoenix on March 12, 2013, 12:19 PM
Heh yeah, that's just a fairly famous lawyer joke from the net with some pic stuck onto it.
It's not just "some pic" stuck to it, it's a crack dealer's mug shot being passed off as an honest granny.
That, to me, was funner than the actual joke.

Watching two people argue about what's funny - now that's kind of amusing.

TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #1319 on:** March 12, 2013, 09:40 PM »

Quote from: IainB on March 12, 2013, 07:43 PM

Watching two people argue about what's funny - now that's kind of amusing.

"No it isn't!"

tomos · « **Reply #1320 on:** March 12, 2013, 10:16 PM »

Quote from: TaoPhoenix on March 12, 2013, 09:40 PM

Quote from: IainB on March 12, 2013, 07:43 PM
Watching two people argue about what's funny - now that's kind of amusing.

"No it isn't!"

panto time

(yes it is :p)

IainB · « **Reply #1321 on:** March 13, 2013, 10:04 AM »

Some evidence that the great British sense of humour is alive and well.
Apparently, they had a sweepstakes on the outcome for the now-infamous British MP Chris Huhne (who is reputedly AC/DC) and his (ex?) wife Vicky Pryce.
(Copied below sans embedded hyperlinks/images.)

Quote

Huhne and Pryce Sentencing Sweepstakes Winner
Congratulations to @AngusCurran, who correctly guessed that both Chris and Vicky would be sentenced to 8 months. He wins a copy of Lee Rotherham’s “The EU in a Nutshell: Everything you wanted to know about the European Union but didn’t know who to ask”, and a dozen I’ve Been Kissed By Chris stickers.

Lucky Angus.

IainB · « **Reply #1322 on:** March 13, 2013, 10:38 AM »

Truth stranger than fiction:
Lack of swordsmen leads Saudi Arabia to consider dropping public beheadings as method of execution.
Difficult times. I blame it on the modern generation. No "real men" any more.
But it's not as thought the Saudis have run out of sensible punishment options is it? I mean, there's presumably still hanging and stoning and lashing, right? Maybe the French guillotine or the American electric chair might look interesting too, now. Could even be a nice little export earner there.

TaoPhoenix · « **Reply #1323 on:** March 13, 2013, 11:03 AM »

Quote from: IainB on March 13, 2013, 10:38 AM

Truth stranger than fiction:
Lack of swordsmen leads Saudi Arabia to consider dropping public beheadings as method of execution.
Difficult times. I blame it on the modern generation. No "real men" any more.
But it's not as thought the Saudis have run out of sensible punishment options is it? I mean, there's presumably still hanging and stoning and lashing, right? Maybe the French guillotine or the American electric chair might look interesting too, now. Could even be a nice little export earner there.

"Have they learned nothing? They can bring in swordmen on foreign visas!"

Renegade · « **Reply #1324 on:** March 13, 2013, 12:10 PM »

Do you get paid more if you sharpen the blade?