Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content] (Read 5,847,927 times)

40hz · « **Reply #2475 on:** December 19, 2013, 06:46 PM »

How to uninstall McAfee antivirus - starring John McAfee? (NSFW - adult viewer discretion advised)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKgf5PaBzyg

Hmm...

superboyac · « **Reply #2476 on:** December 19, 2013, 09:41 PM »

Quote from: 40hz on December 19, 2013, 06:46 PM

How to uninstall McAfee antivirus - starring John McAfee? (NSFW - adult viewer discretion advised)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKgf5PaBzyg

Hmm...

holy cow...I JUST did a search for this subject literally an hour ago. What a coincidence!

IainB · « **Reply #2477 on:** December 20, 2013, 04:16 AM »

A small selection of quickies...

SCOTTISH WEDDING
At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled...
"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."
The bartender was almost crushed to death.

SEX
Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore …..
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

New Book
A man goes into Chapters and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?"
She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
"That's the one; I'll take a copy…"

Poor Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated
Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, whilst on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike.

Drive By
A guy broke into my apartment last week.
He didn’t take my TV, just the remote.
Now he drives by and changes the channels.

Sick Bastard!!

The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, "You'd better get your hearing checked - you're supposed to turn your clock back".

Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"
"For f.... sakes, if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"

EASYJET
Paddy calls EASYJET to book a flight.
The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!"
_____________________________________

Deozaan · « **Reply #2478 on:** December 20, 2013, 06:41 AM »

This is one that I've seen passed around via e-mail years ago, but just thought of it today and so I went seeking it out to remember it.

I found it here: http://www.e-jokes.net/christmas/003.htm

The Angel On The Tree

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. Needless to say Santa wasn't in the best mood.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa went to the door expecting another problem. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree there just to cheer Santa up.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Deozaan · « **Reply #2479 on:** December 20, 2013, 06:45 AM »

Dairy Queen Fabio: "Yeah, a baby!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gPcVG-dx8Y

app103 · « **Reply #2480 on:** December 20, 2013, 11:25 PM »

Elf on a Shelf gone bad.

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #2481 on:** December 21, 2013, 09:13 PM »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwJKbSVdiJg

Chuck Norris takes on Van Damme in viral stunt - YouTube

tomos · « **Reply #2482 on:** December 21, 2013, 10:23 PM »

^ good ol' Chuck

I'm sure there's lots of good parodies -
here's one I found, "created by unprofessionals"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMlpiey20b8

and here's the Chuck one in full:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-D1KVIuvjA

Vurbal · « **Reply #2483 on:** December 21, 2013, 11:22 PM »

A true Christmas classic:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxvDMWRG-gQ

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #2484 on:** December 22, 2013, 11:05 PM »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xd0cX1dogtk

Quote

Boa Constrictor
“Oh, I'm being eaten
By a boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor,
And I don't like it--one bit.
Well, what do you know?
It's nibblin' my toe.
Oh, gee,
It's up to my knee.
Oh my,
It's up to my thigh.
Oh, fiddle,
It's up to my middle.
Oh, heck,
It's up to my neck.
Oh, dread,
It's upmmmmmmmmmmffffffffff . . .”
― Shel Silverstein

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #2485 on:** December 23, 2013, 12:20 AM »

Quote from: tomos on December 21, 2013, 10:23 PM

and here's the Chuck one in full:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-D1KVIuvjA

The song in the background is "Only Time" by Enya.

app103 · « **Reply #2486 on:** December 23, 2013, 05:01 PM »

Christmas lights in Rome.

tomos · « **Reply #2487 on:** December 23, 2013, 05:28 PM »

Quote from: app103 on December 23, 2013, 05:01 PM

Christmas lights in Rome.
(see attachment in previous post)

Rome does have a bit of a reputation, doesn't it

mouser · « **Reply #2488 on:** December 25, 2013, 04:29 PM »

Quote

...At the very basic level, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” presents a fairly grim, Hobbesian vision of society: If you want to be accepted, you have to prove your economic utility—which, in the case of magical flying reindeer, appears to only involve the annual sleigh-pull...

http://www.newrepublic.com/article/115965/rudolph-red-nosed-reindeer-promotes-bullying-exclusion

app103 · « **Reply #2489 on:** December 25, 2013, 10:57 PM »

Rudolph the Regular Reindeer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-BreS9xQSk

tomos · « **Reply #2490 on:** December 25, 2013, 11:56 PM »

barney · « **Reply #2491 on:** December 26, 2013, 12:59 AM »

Quote from: mouser on December 25, 2013, 04:29 PM

Quote
...At the very basic level, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” presents a fairly grim, Hobbesian vision of society: If you want to be accepted, you have to prove your economic utility—which, in the case of magical flying reindeer, appears to only involve the annual sleigh-pull...

http://www.newrepublic.com/article/115965/rudolph-red-nosed-reindeer-promotes-bullying-exclusion

Our beer cabal (?) had a discussion on that song just recently. Apologies to Gene Autry, but the consensus was that the song encourages bullying.

[sidenote] Apparently we have way to much idle time on our hands

. [/sidenote]

Giampy · « **Reply #2492 on:** December 26, 2013, 01:04 PM »

Stress from Christmas:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[attach]

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #2493 on:** December 27, 2013, 03:21 AM »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yv_uwzlpx4A

Things That Seem Normal When You Live Alone a SKETCH by UCB's Horse + Horse - YouTube

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #2494 on:** December 27, 2013, 03:53 AM »

[attach=#] [attach=#]

Misheard holiday lyrics

barney · « **Reply #2495 on:** December 27, 2013, 05:06 AM »

Wow! I just found out I'm the king of Israel

.

Giampy · « **Reply #2496 on:** December 27, 2013, 10:30 AM »

[attach]

IainB · « **Reply #2497 on:** December 28, 2013, 11:40 AM »

From: http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=3209
[attachthumb=#]

Giampy · « **Reply #2498 on:** December 28, 2013, 01:18 PM »

[attach]

wraith808 · « **Reply #2499 on:** December 31, 2013, 01:34 PM »

Best Headline of 2013 by far!

From http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/andrew-frey-man-masturbates-bar-2969797

Quote

Andrew Frey, 37, was eventually arrested after a wild, meth-fuelled weekend of erratic behaviour, which climaxed in the obscene outburst in Iggy's Bar & Grill in Salem, Oregon.

I see what you did there...