silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

[TaoPhoenix]

It worked!

The mind control or the human sacrifice?!

[Renegade]

Happy Easter...

[wraith808]

Happy easter... NomNomNom

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[wraith808]

This cat wanted in...

[attach=#]

[Curt]

Large Hadron Collider Reveals The Force Is With Us After All

"The Force is what gives a particle physicist his powers," said CERN theorist Ben Kenobi of the University of Mos Eisley

[Deozaan]

It worked!

The mind control or the human sacrifice?!

What the heck? I don't remember posting that!

[mouser]

hahaha can't stop watching the cat one 

[Deozaan]

Customer goes berserk for Chicken McNuggets(TM) at McDonalds drive-thru (NSFW for language):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t20h1PWSGq4

According to this video (thanks edvard!) the above security footage is real, but the audio/captions are fake:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4h7SFboHPQY

[bit]

Then there's the one about the car which used an extra set of front gears for self-starting and could foretell the future by precognition.

[Arizona Hot]

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What Your Astrological Sign Says About You, According To Tumblr

[MilesAhead]

Then there's the one about the car which used an extra set of front gears for self-starting and could foretell the future by precognition.

Knowing the future could come in handy in clutch situations.  I know it would shift my perspective.

[TaoPhoenix]

Knowing the future could come in handy in clutch situations.  I know it would shift my perspective.

Happy Easter!

So all the little baby chickens around is a ... clutch situation!

 

[MilesAhead]

Knowing the future could come in handy in clutch situations.  I know it would shift my perspective.

Happy Easter!

So all the little baby chickens around is a ... clutch situation!

 

It don't make no differential to me man.  I go where angels fear to tread. 

[bit]

Trust fall fail.

[jadinolf]

Happy Easter one and all.

[MilesAhead]

Happy Easter one and all.

+1 

[Edvard]

[Stoic Joker]

^Hay, that's Groovy man!

[Renegade]

This one elicited an audible response from me.

BUD the Cowboy

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new 2015 BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Apple i-phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Apple iPad® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Galaxy S5® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.


Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars’ worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know sh*t about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.”

“Now give me back my dog.”

[Renegade]

The next time someone talks about "when pigs fly"...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[TaoPhoenix]

That's Epic Renny!

[Arizona Hot]

Large Hadron Collider Reveals The Force Is With Us After All [/url]

Kenobi's seminal paper "May the Force be with EU" – a strong argument that his experiment should be built in Europe – persuaded the CERN Council to finance the installation of dozens of new R2 units for the CERN data centre*. These plucky little droids are helping physicists to cope with the flood of data from the laboratory's latest experiment, the Thermodynamic Injection Energy (TIE) detector, recently installed at the LHC.
"We're very pleased with this new addition to CERN's accelerator complex," said data analyst Luke Daniels of human-cyborg relations. "The TIE detector has provided us with plenty of action, and what's more it makes a really cool sound when the beams shoot out of it."
But the research community is divided over the discovery. Dark-matter researcher Dave Vader was unimpressed, breathing heavily in disgust throughout the press conference announcing the results, and dismissing the cosmological implications of the Force with the quip "Asteroids do not concern me".
Rumours are growing that this rogue researcher hopes to delve into the Dark Side of the Standard Model, and could even build his own research station some day. With the academic community split, many are tempted by Vader's invitations to study the Dark Side, especially researchers working with red lasers, and anyone really with an evil streak who looks good in dark robes.
*Sources close to the Data Centre later revealed that these were not the droids they were looking for.

CERN researchers confirm existence of the Force  CERN

[MilesAhead]

Microsoft Silently Fired More Employees This Week

I can visualize it.  The manager waves to get the employee's attention.  Then he curls his finger to get the employee to come over.  They go into the manager's office and close the door.  The manager points at the employee, then makes the slit throat signal.  The manager opens the door.  They leave the office.  Repeat until employees equals zero.

[Edvard]

You remember "How to shoot yourself in the foot with programming languages"?  That was awesome.  
THIS, however, is flipping EPIC.

What if programming languages were methods to eat an orange?

http://4archive.org/g/res/43324376

Some of my favorites:

PHP

You take off your pants, smash the orange against the wall, and fall down the stairs.

Clojure

You peel an orange only to find that inside it has coffee instead of juice.

XML

You found and want to eat an orange orange orange that you want to eat because you found it

Python

You find an older boy to help you peel the orange. When you are away to eat the orange, Guido tells you that oranges are unpythonic and you should have a zucchini instead.

[Renegade]

You remember "How to shoot yourself in the foot with programming languages"?  That was awesome. 
THIS, however, is flipping EPIC.

What if programming languages were methods to eat an orange?

http://4archive.org/g/res/43324376

Some of my favorites:

HAHAHA!

This one had me rolling!

Prolog

You try to figure out how to eat an orange but you go into an infinite loop. You change your plan a little bit, You find yourself compelled to stick the orange up your ass.