As someone who has never purposely said a "cuss" word in his life, I have decided that my favorite expletive replacer is "Smurf." I was trying explain to jgpaiva (if I recall correctly) how silly the F-Word is because it doesn't really mean anything, and how silly it is that people get offended by it, so to present a hypothetical situation I asked "What if everyone just said a silly word, like 'Smurf' when they wanted to cuss?"

"Smurf" is just such an ambiguous word like the F-Word that I tried to illustrate how any other word in its place completely changed the response you get from saying it.

Not long after that, I was having troubles with Windows Vista and it made me so very mad that for the first time in my life I really felt like saying some terrible things. Now App101 has a "welcome back" quote in the DC IRC channel of me saying the smurf word a lot.

I was having troubles with Windows Vista and it made me so very mad that for the first time in my life I really felt like saying some terrible things. Now App101 has a "welcome back" quote in the DC IRC channel of me saying the smurf word a lot.

Smurf you, Microsmurf. I don't give a smurf about smurfing Vista...

We should all take this to heart. In future, when something goes wrong, it's Smurfy's law!

Well I am sure everyone knows that when i am going "gmmmrrr" or "aargh" I mean just that. Animal instinct wanting to yowl or growl because something attacked me (or my toe, more often than not. pesky aggressive tables!), scared me (almost dropped something) or someone invaded my territory (i.e. frustrated by the dummy supplier or something).
We might be in the modern jungle but it's not that different

Seriously, I didnt curse much. I'd go "ah this is so frustrating, grrr" or "darn, this solution didnt work either" and that was about it. Then I moved to england and they just curse all the time even on the phone to customers. And no matter what I try, it creeps up in your own language when all around you do it... 

The first time my daughter ever used an expletive, I asked her what it meant and she didn't know. So I told her not to use words that she didn't know the meaning. That took care of things for awhile.

Fast forward to a few years later at about the age of 7 or 8 when she used another...and did know the meaning.

I handed her a thesaurus and told her to show her intelligence and choose more creative language, before someone makes a mistake and thinks she is either stupid or lazy.

She came up with a rather catchy amusing substitute. (I'll let you know what it was later in the story) 

A few weeks later, my husband was rather angry at a friend of his about something and called him the original expletive my daughter had used earlier. (he has a pretty hot temper and can cuss up a storm)

My daughter ran into the house and grabbed the thesaurus, came back out, handed it to her dad and told him the same thing I had told her.

He wasn't in the mood for it, threw the thesaurus across the courtyard and gave her a look like he was going to bite her head off.

She then said to him "Ok, ok, you can use mine if you want. You can call him a 'fanny cranny'." (I love this expletive substitute of hers!) 

He replied with "How about I just call him a 'meatball'?"

"But Daddy...that doesn't mean the same thing." (brave girl, arguing with her dad while he is already angry)

He yelled out "I don't care...he has a meatball for a brain!"

Everyone else in the courtyard heard this and ever since that day, everyone has been calling my husband's friend by the nickname of "Meatball"...with most of them not knowing why.

This nickname has stuck with the poor guy for close to 14 years.

Even his bowling team called him that, and on occasion had even put that as his name on the scorecard.

Not long after that, I was having troubles with Windows Vista and it made me so very mad that for the first time in my life I really felt like saying some terrible things. Now App101 has a "welcome back" quote in the DC IRC channel of me saying the smurf word a lot.

<Deozaan> I have never purposely said a cuss word in my life and I'm ready to cuss big time!
<Deozaan> This is smurfing me off! I'm so smurfing smurfed by vista that I feel like smurfing the smurfing smurf out of the smurfing smurfer!

^{All that smurfing 'smurf' smurf really irritated the smurf out of my spellcheck!}

WC Fields had several good ones: "Godfrey Daniels!" and "mother of pearl" and "Beelzebub!" and "Shadrach and Abednego!"

Other nice ones: chitlins! sugar! God Bless America! cheese and crackers!

And from the Simpsons, my favorite curse is from Apu: "Krishna H. Vishnu!"

I have fairly often heard people say "shoot" (with or without a verbal !). Maybe it could be further pacified by spelling it "chute" (except, perhaps, for the extremely creatively minded...).

One of the funnier oathes I've heard, was a friend of mine back in high school getting stung by a wasp in front of another friend, my dad, and I. He came out with "communist". This is an indicator of how far we've come since about 1985... which is to say, how far we've degenerated: I can't imagine a lot of teens (and this friend was actually a bit rough) bothering to modify their language in front of an adult these days...

BTW- There are American equivalents to 'wanker' 'bugger' etc. but I hesitate to expound in such good company... 

Yes, of course you are right. Like you, I would hate to compromise anyone by revealing these depravities on this board. Having said that, it is worth noting that the equivalents aren't nearly as common in terms of usage as they are on the sceptered isle. Seriously, you want to hear creative use of foul language (to the point that the creativity exists in making the mundane/innocuous FOUL) spend some time in the UK. There is far more range, depth and sophistication to uttering oaths there... Or perhaps I say that because it is novel. I don't know.

I will say this, in closing: app mentioned that her daughter came up with fanny cranny as an alternative swear word. I would strenuously urge everyone from NA to AVOID referring to their bottom as their fanny. Likewise the fanny pack - avoid it like the plague when conversing with anyone from the UK (or really, from an English speaking region outside of NA). Fanny has a more gender specific (though I misappropriate the term gender as it is a social construct and, unbeknownst to the NA portion of our audience, we are dealing with biology here...) meaning and is quite crude. When I referred to "my fanny pack" during my first visit there I was met with consternation, concern, surprise, etc. as I was assured that as a male it is a physical impossibility for me to have a fanny to pack... I've said too much, gone too far. Gentle readers, forgive me...

It's the rain that does it. C&P, spend three months in constant a drizzle and you'll have had an English summer!

No wonder everyone talks about Victoria and Vancouver Island as being more British than Britain...

So I should not tell anybody from the UK that my student loan was from "Fannie Mae" 

Gasp! Certainly not!