Well, I think we found it for you....
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Wenger, the manufacturer of the classic Swiss Army Knife, has revealed a 9-inch long, 2-pound "knife" which carries 85 instruments, or: almost every tool that has ever been on a Swiss Army Knife, ever. The list includes seven different knives, a golf shoe spike wrench, a bike chain rivet setter, and a laser pointer with a 300ft range (but where's the freakin' USB flash drive?). Presumably this is so seasoned golfers can tune their bicycle's rivets before heading off on a deer hunt / cycling trip armed with blinding lasers and an entire collection of 3-inch knives.
Wow, they actually made this thing... I dreamed of it when I was younger and had the previous "big one" they used to make... It had a tweezers, a tooth pick, even a *pen*. 
This is way beyond though.