Email etiquette How to Decline Fowards/Junk?

[thefritz_j]

I need some Email etiquette advice, perhaps with a technical solution! 

I don't know about anyone else but sometimes the people on my "Safe" email list (Safe as in not Junk mail senders) send me junk mail.  I would like an email feature that would allow me to send an official reply when people do this to me that looks like:

DELIVERY FAILURE NOTIFICATION
The email message "FWD:  Slow Dance, Please read this, don't delete!" could not be delivered to the following recipients:

thefritz@email.com

Reason:  SPAM Email Rejection

Would it be rude for me to reply like this from my real email address?
Does anyone know of a program that could do this, or perhaps an online email service that I could send this from?  I think it would be cool if an email client had a "Polite Decline" feature that could send a response like this.

I don't want to block this sender, but I also don't want the occasional junk mail either!

Maybe I should suck it up and just ask them to not send it like a real person? 

Help!, Thanks!

[f0dder]

You shouldn't make it a "couldn't be delivered" kind of message, since the message is in fact delivered (some people might try re-sending if they get a "couldn't be delivered").

Decent email applications should offer message template support. Make a template that briefly and politely explains that you're not interested in junk/spam/silly jokes/powerpoint presentations/whatever, and send that when you get one of those junk mails. The idea is to make the template not seem too much like a cold and angry auto-generated reply.

[tomos]

what gets me about that kind of junk is that people who should know better leave all address visible and your email address ends up going around the world to god knows who (Iz grumpy today )

[fenixproductions]

what gets me about that kind of junk is that people who should know better leave all address visible and your email address ends up going around the world to god knows who (Iz grumpy today )

I agree with that but remember: it can be worse.

I had a friend who used to (and still does) send emails with "funny" attachments (few MB each) to all of her contacts. Obviously - not using BCC. I've asked politely about 5 times to not send me such emails and to use BCC fields.

End result?

I've been labelled as "not funny / annoying" person and I had to set the rule for my account to automatically delete ANY email from this person with size above 2MB. Sometimes people just don't listen and you have to be rude

[thefritz_j]

Thanks for the advice, here is what I said:

Dear "So and so",

Since this email address is my "main" address that I like to keep tidy would you please not send "FWDs" or "pass along stories"?

Thanks!

"me"

We'll see if I offend them!  Hopefully not.

[katykaty]

Well, I suppose it depends who they are, how easily they take offence and what the consequences are of offending them

You receive valuable messages from them and want to carry on like that but don't want other messages like abcxyz? So just reply back politely saying exactly that.

If it happens so often that you need a rule then you could set up a rule to automatically move their messages to a specific folder. Most emails apps will also let you run a rule on just the selected messages, so select the junk ones and then run the 'no thanks' rule on those.

Or if you're more like me, do a reply to all recipients, saying 'Hi all - I just got this bit of spam from poiuytrewq - I'm not interested but since you were all on the To:' list I guess you are; I thought I'd forward it again to you all just in case the original got inadvertently caught by your spam filters.'

[nosh]

Create another account and request them to update your "forwards address", not as rude as declining their forwards and you never have to check the new account. Or set up your own filters and take care of it on your own. I take the latter approach when some people start sending really large attachments.

Got a 30 MB mail @ gmail today, didn't know they accept such large attachments- their outgoing limit is 20 MB.

[thefritz_j]

Just wondering a bit about how you use your  "forwards address"...

Do you make it similar to your "real address" : myrealone_forwards@email.com?
Do you check the mail in it?
If so, do you use an email client to get both accounts?

Thanks!

[tranglos]

I've always had trouble formulating such messages without sounding like I'm preaching from a high horse. If you're rude, you're rude - but if you make it polite, it sounds condescending. Most of the time I just clench my teethn and delete those things.

However, when I am asked for my email address at a brick and mortar store which "values my custom" (ha! what crock), I always write "spam@[mydomain].com. It's an actual mailbox that delivers, since I also use it for various casual online subscriptions. I used to just refuse to give them anything, but now I use this address. Is this rude?

[nosh]

Just wondering a bit about how you use your  "forwards address"...

Do you make it similar to your "real address" : myrealone_forwards@email.com?
Do you check the mail in it?
If so, do you use an email client to get both accounts?

Thanks!

I don't really use a forwards address, I use filters. But it does sound a bit more polite than asking them to stop.

[J-Mac]

I have a paid Fastmail account that allows me to create as many as 30 "aliases", additional email addresses that refer back to my main account. I try to never use my primary email address for general distribution. Instead I create aliases that I use for different reasons. A few were created specifically for situations like this. 

Of course I also have a $9.95 Spamex account. That allows my to create up to 500 disposable email addresses per year. I can give out a Spamex address and any replies/spam etc. to that address goes directly to Spamex, who then passes it along to me. The sender has no way of finding out my true email address, and I can also send messages to them again using that same address. It is worth more than the actual cost IMO!

Jim

[Deozaan]

I just ask them to stop. They're the ones who are the "guests" in your e-mail account. They should respect your desires for your account just as they should respect any other part of your property.

I'm nice about it, but I let them know I don't enjoy forwards and chain letters etc., and that I don't want my e-mail address visible to hundreds of others across the internet due to mass forwarding. In a display of paranoia I've even asked people to remove my last name from their address book so that even if they do add me to the mass-forward list at least the "strangers" don't have my full name.

Everyone I've asked has complied. Usually this means I stop getting any e-mail from them except the rare personal message, but I'm not complaining because that's exactly what I asked for: Personal mail only.

I have no problem with the idea of having to be rude to someone (if I have to) in order to get them to stop bugging me with spam. After all, if you ask nicely and they persist, they are the ones being rude.

[city_zen]

I also have a $9.95 Spamex account. That allows my to create up to 500 disposable email addresses per year. I can give out a Spamex address and any replies/spam etc. to that address goes directly to Spamex, who then passes it along to me. The sender has no way of finding out my true email address, and I can also send messages to them again using that same address. It is worth more than the actual cost IMO!

Jim, I didn't know about Spamex, but I have been using Spamgourmet for a few years now (and I'm very happy with it  ). While going over the features of Spamex, I realized they don't seem to be much different than those of Spamgourmet (which is free). I wonder if you have tried SG and, if you have, how does Spamex compare with it.

[40hz]

im, I didn't know about Spamex, but I have been using Spamgourmet for a few years now (and I'm very happy with it  ). While going over the features of Spamex, I realized they don't seem to be much different than those of Spamgourmet (which is free). I wonder if you have tried SG and, if you have, how does Spamex compare with it.

You could also take a look at TrashMail.

Basic service s free. And you can create as many temporary addresses as you like. Free accounts will only allow 10 forwards per address, and the addresses will expire after a maximum of 30 days.

Registration will cost you $3.99 USD/2,99EURO annually, and allow for unlimited forwards and forwarding time per address.

There is also  a very handy Firefox extension available.

www.trashmail.net

[J-Mac]

I also have a $9.95 Spamex account. That allows my to create up to 500 disposable email addresses per year. I can give out a Spamex address and any replies/spam etc. to that address goes directly to Spamex, who then passes it along to me. The sender has no way of finding out my true email address, and I can also send messages to them again using that same address. It is worth more than the actual cost IMO!

Jim, I didn't know about Spamex, but I have been using Spamgourmet for a few years now (and I'm very happy with it  ). While going over the features of Spamex, I realized they don't seem to be much different than those of Spamgourmet (which is free). I wonder if you have tried SG and, if you have, how does Spamex compare with it.

The only big difference I see is that Spamex will keep my throwaway addresses active as long as I need, and keep replying back to them/me until I decide to kill it. I can view a listing of all addresses there that I have used as well as which as still active. Also, it allows me to enter what site or sites I use that address for, what my username is at that site or those sites, and I can build some autoreplies using that info.

I don’t use those features much, admittedly, but for under $10 yearly it's a nice set of features!

Thanks!

Jim

[SKesselman]

I'm with Deozaan 100% on this.

I've had to ask one friend several times to (at least) use BCC & finally ended up having to be embarrass/shock her in order to get my point across, stating immediately upon receipt of her junk mails that I couldn't believe she still didn't know how to use BCC for sending junk mail. I offered to teach her and was pretty pushy about it...she stopped after a couple - OK, a few - of those conversations.

Then there's the, "I'm absolutely, never, ever responding to this garbage" method that I used with another friend.
This means that when they ask you about it, Say you just don't acknowledge mail of that kind...it goes straight to the trash, as there's just not enough time in the day to read it all. But here, you must stick to your guns. If they think you've read one FWD:, you're finished.

Or, play innocent: "Oh, come on, nobody really reads those things...do they?"

They may not listen very well, or utilize BCC, but our spamming friends do update their mailing lists from time to time, & zero response does say something, sometimes. Good luck!!

[Deozaan]

I'd also like to point out that this thread seems particularly sensitive to e-mail etiquette. Well, in my opinion, it is not proper e-mail etiquette to mass forward e-mails at all.

I think that most people don't know about BCC hiding e-mail addresses, so I have more patience when asking/instructing the use of BCC. But they ought to know that spam is unsolicited e-mail, and I have no qualms about informing other people that I consider mass-forwards to be unsolicited.

[40hz]

I'd also like to point out that this thread seems particularly sensitive to e-mail etiquette. Well, in my opinion, it is not proper e-mail etiquette to mass forward e-mails at all.

There was an interesting article up on 43Folders that touches on this most touchy of topics:

Link: http://www.43folders.com/2008/12/09/pretending

[via trivium]

The High Cost of Pretending

danah boyd is finishing her dissertation, then going on vacation for a month. While, she’s gone, she’s not accepting email. At all. Got that?

No apology. No “vacation message” to pretend she’ll read it later. And no implied promise that the stuff people send to her will magically be tended to by an invisble army of interns and elves. While she’s away, every message she receives is simply discarded with a friendly response as to why.

Worth a read even if you find there's much you disagree with.

[Deozaan]

There was an interesting article up on 43Folders that touches on this most touchy of topics:

Link: http://www.43folders.com/2008/12/09/pretending

Off-Topic of the thread, but in response to the article above

As quoted in the article:

Apparently, you should pretend to like anyone who pretends to like you. This is called "networking," and it's why the web smells like feet.

I think this is why I just don't "get" social networking sites like MySpace/Facebook or even microblogs such as Twitter. Random people start following me or adding me to their friends list and at first there's an impulsive obligation to "friend" them back. But then I remember that Tom is not my friend, and neither are any of the anonymous strangers who randomly put me on their lists.

[nosh]

Deozaan,
I felt much the same way about social networking sites and Twitter but the recent attacks in my city showed me how incredibly useful micro-blogging can be. You can search for pretty much any keyword (hashtag) at search.twitter.com so a search for #mumbai would immediately put you in a sort of chatroom where you got the latest breaking news from people situated close to the attacks, NTM a great compilation of links & resources in the days that followed. The flipside is that it's pretty easy to spread misinformation and rumors. Twitter was also a bit too effective for its own good, with the Indian govt. apparently asking to block the search page for a while in order to protect military operations. For all its pros and cons, the one thing Twitter isn't, is "just another tool".

[wasker]

My netiquette goes along with Delete button nicely.

[40hz]

My netiquette goes along with Delete button nicely.

wasker speaks the truth. 

I've long since given up trying to reform some people. I just add them to my kill file and let the robot handle the details. For everybody else, there's:

[attach]

[wasker]

A good one! Although mine's better:



Never mistype this one!

[thefritz_j]

Hey folks, just an FYI I found this informational web page that you can link people to that send you spam/junkmail:

http://www.thanksno.com/

oh here's another one:

http://bccplease.com/

[J-Mac]

Hey folks, just an FYI I found this informational web page that you can link people to that send you spam/junkmail:

http://www.thanksno.com/

oh here's another one:

http://bccplease.com/

Nice links - thanks!

Jim