Clever Programmerisms

[Ralf Maximus]

"Never test for a condition you do not know how to handle."

[cranioscopical]

"Nesting is fine but never forget feathering."

[f0dder]

"premature optimization is the root of all evil" - but premature pessimization can be just as bad.

[Eóin]

"All problems can be solved by adding an extra layer of abstraction"

[Ralf Maximus]

"It was hard to write, it should be hard to test."

-- Overheard when a developer on my team was (jokingly) trying to explain why his submitted test plan was *extremely* lacking in detail.

[Grorgy]

"I don't care if it works or not, I want it on time and on budget!"

Team leader to programming and design team.

[empyrean]

This can never happen...

[empyrean]

"Give me a list of all unanticipated problems that will arise during the project."  -- Dilbert's pointy-haired boss

[app103]

Dev-C++ users will appreciate this one...

Don't forget to strip after compiling.



I once gave someone a file to a small program I wrote. When he asked me why the file size was so large, my reply was that I forgot to strip after compiling. He thought the statement was funny enough to add to our chatroom's quote collection.

There was a script that would spit back a random quote from the list when triggered. One day, that quote of mine popped up and Martin thought it was hilarious.

This is the brief convo that took place immediately following his laughter...

<app> you mean you don't strip after compiling?
</\/\artin> I do the full monty just for 0 warnings!
</\/\artin> if I stripped for no C/C++ errors, then I'd put my coat on for no VB errors

Needless to say, we ended up with another quote in the collection that day.

[Ralf Maximus]

"If contractors built buildings the way programmers write software, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization."

-- Weinberg's Law

[Ralf Maximus]

"A carelessly planned project takes three times as long to complete as expected.  A carefully planned project only takes twice as long."

-- Golub's Law

[Ralf Maximus]

"What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake!"

-- Unknown Klingon Programmer