Author Topic: silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content] (Read 5,847,927 times)

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #4975 on:** February 07, 2016, 03:43 AM »

Viral Photo of Mom, Twins Leaves Everyone Guessing

This ancient sculpture has conspiracy theorists convinced TIME TRAVEL exists - can you see why?

4wd · « **Reply #4976 on:** February 07, 2016, 06:35 AM »

Quote from: Arizona Hot on February 07, 2016, 03:43 AM

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This ancient sculpture has conspiracy theorists convinced TIME TRAVEL exists - can you see why?

Turkish Delight didn't come in boxes back then?

app103 · « **Reply #4977 on:** February 07, 2016, 03:57 PM »

Faster than job hunting in the obituaries.

app103 · « **Reply #4978 on:** February 08, 2016, 05:32 PM »

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6? and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8? and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #4979 on:** February 09, 2016, 04:11 AM »

No one showed for astronaut Scott Kelly's Super Bowl party

I wonder if he is a party animal?

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #4980 on:** February 12, 2016, 05:04 PM »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwPXZUSpEqQ

Johnny Depp Stars as Donald Trump in a New Funny or Die Biopic - YouTube

This is what happens when you give a rhino a giant ball

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #4981 on:** February 17, 2016, 01:39 AM »

21 Evil People Who Just Lost All Their Friends

This US Map Shows The Craziest Laws By State And You've Definitely Broken A Few

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #4982 on:** February 17, 2016, 01:42 AM »

This Statistic Professor Gives Hilarious Extra Credit Questions To His Students

A Secret Bedroom Was Just Discovered in the Berlin Subway

MilesAhead · « **Reply #4983 on:** February 17, 2016, 07:31 PM »

Quote from: Arizona Hot on February 17, 2016, 01:42 AM

A Secret Bedroom Was Just Discovered in the Berlin Subway

I wonder if a monthly transit pass is included in the rent?

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #4984 on:** February 17, 2016, 07:55 PM »

Feeling a bit sluggish

Not feeling sluggish

panzer · « **Reply #4985 on:** February 19, 2016, 11:25 AM »

panzer · « **Reply #4986 on:** February 19, 2016, 11:26 AM »

panzer · « **Reply #4987 on:** February 19, 2016, 11:30 AM »

panzer · « **Reply #4988 on:** February 19, 2016, 11:35 AM »

panzer · « **Reply #4989 on:** February 19, 2016, 11:39 AM »

Edvard · « **Reply #4990 on:** February 21, 2016, 08:02 AM »

http://cube-drone.com/comics/c/notorious-a-c

Quote

The alternate title for this comic was "Shebangs", but I realized that a Ricky Martin UNIX pun was probably a mistake. Some cooling tips - People cool and server cool are different things. Commercial home AC units are probably not right for your servers. - Make sure that there's a tight seal in the server room to keep your controlled air in - and most importantly of all, make sure never to play "If You Leave Me Now" by Chicago in your server room. Peter Cetera is a powerful uncoolant.

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #4991 on:** February 27, 2016, 05:54 AM »

British man changes name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger

Are you inspired to join him?

'Netflix For Billionaires' Lets Users Watch Movies Playing In Theaters In Their Home For A Hefty Price Tag

Just what you want?

IainB · « **Reply #4992 on:** February 27, 2016, 12:40 PM »

LOL moments.
I collect humourous things - like written/spoken jokes - but a lot of them come from real life.
Here are two recent ones:

Logical conception:
This was in a family court hearing where a female solicitor was questioning a witness (the father of a child named "Becky") about the child's birth and where the mother ("Sally") was living at the time (real names and details not used):

Solicitor: So when and where was Becky born?
Father: On 24 October 2002, in Singapore.
Solicitor: Is that where Sally was living?
Father: Well, yes, Singapore at the time of birth, but it could have been Auckland (New Zealand) if Sally had stayed there after visiting over January and February of that year, which would have been where Becky was conceived about 9 months before. So Becky was conceived in one place and born in another.
Solicitor: So, Sally became pregnant?
Father: Yes, of course. We've established that Becky was born in October of that year and that conception would have been in January or February, so Becky could not have been born without her mother becoming pregnant in the interim.

The other barrister literally fell about laughing over this.
The judge promptly adjourned the court for lunch.
________________________________

US Strategic Foreign Policy in a nutshell:
Appearing before the State, Foreign Operations, and Related Programs Subcommittee of the Senate Appropriations Committee, John Kerry the US Secretary of State was asked about a Gitmo detainee released by the administration in 2012 who had recently been spotted on an al-Qaeda recruitment video. (Why did that happen?)
Kerry made a statement whilst testifying about the State Department’s budget request for the fiscal year 2017.
During the hearing, Sen. Mark Kirk (R., Ill.) asked Kerry for his thoughts on Ibrahim al Qosi, the former Guantanamo detainee who is now a prominent al Qaeda leader, and had staffers hold up a picture of the terrorist for Kerry to see.

… Kerry paused for a moment before saying to Kirk, “Well, Senator, he’s not supposed to be doing that. And there are consequences for that, and there will be. But apart from that, the fact is that we’ve got people who’ve been held without charges for 13 years, 14 years in some cases. That’s not American, that’s not how we operate.”

“He’s not supposed to be doing that”?

So that's all right then.
____________________________________

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #4993 on:** February 27, 2016, 04:44 PM »

Vacuum cleaners are suck-ups.

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #4994 on:** March 02, 2016, 07:11 AM »

37 Vintage People Magazine Covers That Will Blow Your Mind

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #4995 on:** March 06, 2016, 03:10 AM »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmjUoyGjYmA

Hilariously specific wedding RSVP goes viral - YouTube

When a director wants to end a horror movie scene where the psycho has a knife at the throat of the victim, does he shout "Cut!"?

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #4996 on:** March 07, 2016, 04:06 AM »

No one could see the color blue until modern times. RedditDayOf

Edvard · « **Reply #4997 on:** March 12, 2016, 04:04 AM »

Arizona Hot · « **Reply #4998 on:** March 13, 2016, 02:37 AM »

Eek a computer mouse

Techno-phobes beware!

4wd · « **Reply #4999 on:** March 18, 2016, 06:26 AM »

NOS Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness Smoke Kit

Partial site quote:

Quote

Here is presented for your perusal one Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness Smoke kit, P/N 530433, along with the very rare Churchill Tool 18G548BS adapter tube and metering valve. These kits were supplied surreptitiously to Lucas factory technicians as a trouble-shooting and repair aid for the rectification of chronic electrical problems on a plethora of British cars. The smoke is metered, through the fuse box, into the circuit which has released it's original smoke until the leak is located and repaired. The affected circuit is then rectified and the replacement smoke re-introduced. An advantage over the cheap repro smoke kits currently available is the exceptionally rare Churchill metering valve and fuse box adapter. It enables the intrepid and highly skilled British Car Technician to meter the precise amount of genuine Lucas smoke required by the circuit.

Unlike the cheap, far-eastern replacement DIYsmoke offered by the "usual suppliers", this kit includes a filter to ensure that all the smoke is of consistent size, It has been our experience in our shop that the reproduction Taiwanese smoke is often "lumpy", which will cause excessive resistance in our finely-engineered British harnesses and components. This is often the cause of failure in the repro electrical parts currently available, causing much consternation and misplaced cursing of the big three suppliers.