Abandon desire
Abandon normal instructions
Accept advice
Adding on
A line has two sides
Always the first steps
Ask people to work against their better judgement
Ask your body
Be dirty
Be extravagant
Be less critical
Breathe more deeply
Bridges -build -burn
Change ambiguities to specifics
Change nothing and continue consistently
Change specifics to ambiguities
Consider transitions
Courage!
Cut a vital connection
Decorate, decorate
Destroy nothing; Destroy the most important thing
Discard an axiom
Disciplined self-indulgence
Discover your formulas and abandon them
Display your talent
Distort time
Do nothing for as long as possible
Don't avoid what is easy
Don't break the silence
Don't stress one thing more than another
Do something boring
Do something sudden, destructive and unpredictable
Do the last thing first
Do the words need changing?
Emphasize differences
Emphasize the flaws
Faced with a choice, do both (from Dieter Rot)
Find a safe part and use it as an anchor
Give the game away
Give way to your worst impulse
Go outside. Shut the door.
Go outside. Shut the door.
Go to an extreme, come part way back
How would someone else do it?
How would you have done it?
In total darkness, or in a very large room, very quietly
Is it finished?
Is something missing?
Is the style right?
It is simply a matter or work
Just carry on
Listen to the quiet voice
Look at the order in which you do things
Magnify the most difficult details
Make it more sensual
Make what's perfect more human
Move towards the unimportant
Not building a wall; making a brick
Once the search has begun, something will be found
Only a part, not the whole
Only one element of each kind
Openly resist change
Pae White's non-blank graphic metacard
Question the heroic
Remember quiet evenings
Remove a restriction
Repetition is a form of change
Retrace your steps
Reverse
Simple Subtraction
Slow preparation, fast execution
State the problem as clearly as possible
Take a break
Take away the important parts
The inconsistency principle
The most easily forgotten thing is the most important
Think - inside the work -outside the work
Tidy up
Try faking it (from Stewart Brand)
Turn it upside down
Use an old idea
Use cliches
Use filters
Use something nearby as a model
Use `unqualified' people
Use your own ideas
Voice your suspicions
Water
What context would look right?
What is the simplest solution?
What mistakes did you make last time?
What to increase? What to reduce? What to maintain?
What were you really thinking about just now?
What wouldn't you do?
What would your closest friend do?
When is it for?
Where is the edge?
Which parts can be grouped?
Work at a different speed
Would anyone want it?
Your mistake was a hidden intention
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.\n-- Ogden Nash
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
All intelligent species own cats.
Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound.  Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.\n-- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.\n-- R. Heinlein
"Anything else you wish to draw to my attention, Mr. Holmes ?"\n"The curious incident of the stable dog in the nighttime."\n"But the dog did nothing in the nighttime."\n"That was the curious incident."\n-- A. Conan Doyle, "Silver Blaze"
Auribus teneo lupum.\n[I hold a wolf by the ears.]\n[Boy, it *sounds* good.  But what does it *mean*?]
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.\n-- Garrison Keillor
Cats are smarter than dogs.  You can't make eight cats pull a sled through the snow.
Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind.
Chihuahuas drive me crazy.  I can't stand anything that shivers when it's warm.
"Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology.  Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat."
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that's how dogs spend their lives.\n-- Sue Murphy
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Dogs just don't seem to be able to tell the difference between important people and the rest of us.
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.
Hi!  You have reached 555-0129. None of us are here to answer the phone and the cat doesn't have opposing thumbs, so his messages are illegible.  Please leave your name and message after the beep...
I loathe people who keep dogs.  They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.\n-- August Strindberg
I love dogs, but I hate Chihuahuas.  A Chihuahua isn't a dog.  It's a rat with a thyroid problem.
If a can of Alpo costs 38 cents, would it cost $2.50 in Dog Dollars?
If anyone has seen my dog, please contact me at x2883 as soon as possible. We're offering a substantial reward.  He's a sable collie, with three legs, blind in his left eye, is missing part of his right ear and the tip of his tail.  He's been recently fixed.  Answers to "Lucky".
If you are a police dog, where's your badge?\n-- Question James Thurber used to drive his German Shepherd crazy.
"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do:  Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet."\n-- Jay Leno
In the eyes of my dog, I'm a man.\n-- Martin Mull
It is not a good omen when goldfish commit suicide.
It was Penguin lust... at its ugliest.
It's no use crying over spilt milk -- it only makes it salty for the cat.
Lost: gray and white female cat.  Answers to electric can opener.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.\n-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
No animal should ever jump on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain he can hold his own in conversation.\n-- Fran Lebowitz
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
PENGUINICITY!!
Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.
"Shelter," what a nice name for for a place where you polish your cat.
Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested.\n-- Francis Bacon [As anyone who has ever owned a puppy already knows.  Ed.]
Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar.  I feel like I've just got to bite a cat!  I feel like if I don't bite a cat before sundown, I'll go crazy!  But then I just take a deep breath and forget about it.  That's what is known as real maturity.\n-- Snoopy
Speaking of purchasing a dog, never buy a watchdog that's on sale. After all, everyone knows a bargain dog never bites!
The difference between dogs and cats is that dogs come when they're called.  Cats take a message and get back to you.
The main problem I have with cats is, they're not dogs.\n-- Kevin Cowherd
The only time a dog gets complimented is when he doesn't do anything.\n-- C. Schulz
There are many intelligent species in the universe, and they all own cats.
There's no use in having a dog and doing your own barking.
To err is human, To purr feline.\n-- Robert Byrne
When man calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it.
When the fog came in on little cat feet last night, it left these little muddy paw prints on the hood of my car.
Who loves me will also love my dog.\n-- John Donne
With a rubber duck, one's never alone.\n-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #13\nA:	Doc, Happy, Bashful, Dopey, Sneezy, Sleepy, & Grumpy|Q:	Who were the Democratic presidential candidates?
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #15\nA:	The Royal Canadian Mounted Police.|Q:	What was the greatest achievement in taxidermy?
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #19\nA:	To be or not to be.|Q:	What is the square root of 4b^2?
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #21\nA:	Dr. Livingston I. Presume.|Q:	What's Dr. Presume's full name?
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #31\nA:	Chicken Teriyaki.|Q:	What is the name of the world's oldest kamikaze pilot?
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #4\nA:	Go west, young man, go west!|Q:	What do wabbits do when they get tiwed of wunning awound?
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #5\nA:	The Halls of Montezuma and the Shores of Tripoli.|Q:	Name two families whose kids won't join the Marines.
Knock, knock!\nWho's there? Sam and Janet.\nSam and Janet who? Sam and Janet Evening...
Knucklehead:	"Knock, knock" Pee Wee:	"Who's there?" Knucklehead:	"Little ol' lady." Pee Wee:	"Liddle ol' lady who?" Knucklehead:	"I didn't know you could yodel"
Q:	"What is the burning question on the mind of every dyslexic existentialist?"|A:	"Is there a dog?"
Q:	Are we not men?|A:	We are Vaxen.
Q:	Do you know what the death rate around here is?|A:	One per person.
Q:	Heard about the <ethnic> who couldn't spell?|A:	He spent the night in a warehouse.
Q:	How can you tell when a Burroughs salesman is lying?|A:	When his lips move.
Q:	How did you get into artificial intelligence?|A:	Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
Q:	How do you catch a unique rabbit?|A:	Unique up on it!|Q:	How do you catch a tame rabbit?|A:	The tame way!
Q:	How do you keep a moron in suspense?
Q:	How do you know when you're in the <ethnic> section of Vermont?|A:	The maple sap buckets are hanging on utility poles.
Q:	How do you play religious roulette?|A:	You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck by lightning first.
Q:	How do you save a drowning lawyer?|A:	Throw him a rock.
Q:	How do you shoot a blue elephant?|A:	With a blue-elephant gun.|Q:	How do you shoot a pink elephant?|A:	Twist its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue-elephant gun.
Q:	How do you stop an elephant from charging?|A:	Take away his credit cards.
Q:	How does a hacker fix a function which doesn't work for all of the elements in its domain?|A:	He changes the domain.
Q:	How does the Polish Constitution differ from the American?|A:	Under the Polish Constitution citizens are guaranteed freedom of speech, but under the United States constitution they are guaranteed freedom after speech.\n-- being told in Poland, 1987
Q:	How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?|A:	That's proprietary information.  Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
Q:	How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?|A:	Two.  One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
Q:	How many college football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?|A:	Only one, but he gets three credits for it.
Q:	How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat?|A:	Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.|Q:	How long does it take?|A:	It's indeterminate. It will depend upon how many flats they've brought with them.|Q:	What happens if you've got TWO flats?|A:	They replace your generator.
Q:	How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?|A:	Two.  One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
Q:	How many Harvard MBA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?|A:	Just one.  He grasps it firmly and the universe revolves around him.
Q:	How many IBM 370's does it take to execute a job?|A:	Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
Q:	How many IBM CPU's does it take to do a logical right shift?|A:	33.  1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
Q:	How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?|A:	One.  Only it's his light bulb when he's done.
Q:	How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?|A:	You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb.  Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...
Q:	How many marketing people does it take to change a light bulb?|A:	I'll have to get back to you on that.
Q:	How many Martians does it take to screw in a light bulb?|A:	One and a half.
Q:	How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?|A:	None:  The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q:	How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?|A:	One.  He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to the earlier joke.
Q:	How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?|A:	Three.  One to screw in the light bulb and two to fend off all those Californians trying to share the experience.
Q:	How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?|A:	Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to really want to change.
Q:	How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?|A:	None.  The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
Q:	How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?|A:	Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools. [Surrealist jokes just aren't my cup of fur.  Ed.]
Q:	How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?|A:	One.
Q:	How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?|A:	None.  The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
Q:	How much does it cost to ride the Unibus?|A:	2 bits.
Q:	How was Thomas J. Watson buried?|A:	9 edge down.
Q:	Know what the difference between your latest project and putting wings on an elephant is?|A:	Who knows?  The elephant *might* fly, heh, heh...
Q:	Minnesotans ask, "Why aren't there more pharmacists from Alabama?"|A:	Easy.  It's because they can't figure out how to get the little bottles into the typewriter.
Q:	What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?|A:	"The elephants are coming over the hill."|Q:	What did he say when saw them coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?|A:	Nothing, for he didn't recognize them.
Q:	What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night?|A:	Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog.
Q:	What do little WASPs want to be when they grow up?|A:	The very best person they can possibly be.
Q:	What do monsters eat?|A:	Things.|Q:	What do monsters drink?|A:	Coke.  (Because Things go better with Coke.)
Q:	What do they call the alphabet in Arkansas?|A:	The impossible dream.
Q:	What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?|A:	The same middle name.
Q:	What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?|A:	A dope ring.|Q:	Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?|A:	To cover up the valve stem.
Q:	What do you call a blind pre-historic animal?|A:	Diyathinkhesaurus.|Q:	What do you call a blind pre-historic animal with a dog?|A:	Diyathinkhesaurus Rex.
Q:	What do you call a blind, deaf-mute, quadraplegic Virginian?|A:	Trustworthy.
Q:	What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?|A:	A stick.
Q:	What do you call a half-dozen Indians with Asian flu?|A:	Six sick Sikhs (sic).
Q:	What do you call a principal female opera singer whose high C is lower than those of other principal female opera singers?|A:	A deep C diva.
Q:	What do you call a WASP who doesn't work for his father, isn't a lawyer, and believes in social causes?|A:	A failure.
Q:	What do you call the money you pay to the government when you ride into the country on the back of an elephant?|A:	A howdah duty.
Q:	What do you call the scratches that you get when a female sheep bites you?|A:	Ewe nicks.
Q:	What do you get when you cross a mobster with an international standard?|A:	You get someone who makes you an offer that you can't understand!
Q:	What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney?|A:	An offer you can't understand.
Q:	What do you have when you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?|A:	Not enough sand.
Q:	What do you say to a New Yorker with a job?|A:	Big Mac, fries and a Coke, please!
Q:	What does a WASP Mom make for dinner?|A:	A crisp salad, a hearty soup, a lovely entree, followed by a delicious dessert.
Q:	What does friendship among Soviet nationalities mean?|A:	It means that the Armenians take the Russians by the hand; the Russians take the Ukrainians by the hand; the Ukranians take the Uzbeks by the hand; and they all go and beat up the Jews.
Q:	What does it say on the bottom of Coke cans in North Dakota?|A:	Open other end.
Q:	What happens when four WASPs find themselves in the same room?|A:	A dinner party.
Q:	What is green and lives in the ocean?|A:	Moby Pickle.
Q:	What is orange and goes "click, click?"|A:	A ball point carrot.
Q:	What is printed on the bottom of beer bottles in Minnesota?|A:	Open other end.
Q:	What is purple and commutes?|A:	An Abelian grape.
Q:	What is purple and concord the world?|A:	Alexander the Grape.
Q:	What is the difference between a duck?|A:	One leg is both the same.
Q:	What is the difference between Texas and yogurt?|A:	Yogurt has culture.
Q:	What is the sound of one cat napping?|A:	Mu.
Q:	What lies on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?|A:	A nervous wreck.
Q:	What looks like a cat, flies like a bat, brays like a donkey, and plays like a monkey?|A:	Nothing.
Q:	What's a light-year?|A:	One-third less calories than a regular year.
Q:	What's a WASP's idea of open-mindedness?|A:	Dating a Canadian.
Q:	What's buried in Grant's tomb?|A:	A corpse.
Q:	What's hard going in and soft and sticky coming out?|A:	Chewing gum.
Q:	What's tan and black and looks great on a lawyer?|A:	A doberman.
Q:	What's the difference betweeen USL and the Graf Zeppelin?|A:	The Graf Zeppelin represented cutting edge technology for its time.
Q:	What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?|A:	There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q:	What's the difference between a duck and an elephant?|A:	You can't get down off an elephant.
Q:	What's the difference between a Mac and an Etch-a-Sketch?|A:	You don't have to shake the Mac to clear the screen.
Q:	What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?|A:	One less drunk.
Q:	What's the difference between Bell Labs and the Boy Scouts of America?|A:	The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
Q:	What's the difference between the 1950's and the 1980's?|A:	In the 80's, a man walks into a drugstore and states loudly, "I'd like some condoms," and then, leaning over the counter, whispers, "and some cigarettes."
Q:	What's the difference between USL and the Titanic?|A:	The Titanic had a band.
Q:	What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?|A:	A canary with the super-user password.
Q:	What's yellow, and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?|A:	Zorn's Lemon.
Q:	Where's the Lone Ranger take his garbage?|A:	To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump!|Q:	What's the Pink Panther say when he steps on an ant hill?|A:	Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant...
Q:	Who cuts the grass on Walton's Mountain?|A:	Lawn Boy.
Q:	Why did Menachem Begin invade Lebanon?|A:	To impress Jodie Foster.
Q:	Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers?|A:	Because he was hungry.
Q:	Why did the chicken cross the road?|A:	He was giving it last rites.
Q:	Why did the chicken cross the road?|A:	To see his friend Gregory peck.|Q:	Why did the chicken cross the playground?|A:	To get to the other slide.
Q:	Why did the germ cross the microscope?|A:	To get to the other slide.
Q:	Why did the lone ranger kill Tonto?|A:	He found out what "kimosabe" really means.
Q:	Why did the programmer call his mother long distance?|A:	Because that was her name.
Q:	Why did the tachyon cross the road?|A:	Because it was on the other side.
Q:	Why did the WASP cross the road?|A:	To get to the middle.
Q:	Why do ducks have big flat feet?|A:	To stamp out forest fires.|Q:	Why do elephants have big flat feet?|A:	To stamp out flaming ducks.
Q:	Why do firemen wear red suspenders?|A:	To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
Q:	Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?|A:	To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
Q:	Why do people who live near Niagara Falls have flat foreheads?|A:	Because every morning they wake up thinking "What *is* that noise? Oh, right, *of course*!
Q:	Why do the police always travel in threes?|A:	One to do the reading, one to do the writing, and the other keeps an eye on the two intellectuals.
Q:	Why do WASPs play golf ?|A:	So they can dress like pimps.
Q:	Why does Washington have the most lawyers per capita and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?|A:	God gave New Jersey first choice.
Q:	Why don't lawyers go to the beach?|A:	The cats keep trying to bury them.
Q:	Why don't Scotsmen ever have coffee the way they like it?|A:	Well, they like it with two lumps of sugar.  If they drink it at home, they only take one, and if they drink it while visiting, they always take three.
Q:	Why haven't you graduated yet?|A:	Well, Dad, I could have finished years ago, but I wanted my dissertation to rhyme.
Q:	Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?|A:	You do all of the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Q:	Why is it that Mexico isn't sending anyone to the '84 summer games?|A:	Anyone in Mexico who can run, swim or jump is already in LA.
Q:	Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?|A:	That's the Law of Spline Demand.
Q:	Why is Poland just like the United States?|A:	In the United States you can't buy anything for zlotys and in Poland you can't either, while in the U.S. you can get whatever you want for dollars, just as you can in Poland.\n-- being told in Poland, 1987
Q:	Why should you always serve a Southern Carolina football man soup in a plate?|A:	'Cause if you give him a bowl, he'll throw it away.
Q:	Why was Stonehenge abandoned?|A:	It wasn't IBM compatible.
A clash of doctrine is not a disaster -- it is an opportunity.
A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.\n-- Stanislaw Lem
A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated.  But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight.  Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.\n-- R.A. Heinlein
A halted retreat Is nerve-wracking and dangerous. To retain people as men -- and maidservants Brings good fortune.
A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about.
A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I.  I believe everything positively stinks.\n-- Lew Col
A man said to the Universe|\n"Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."\n-- Stephen Crane
A neighbor came to Nasrudin, asking to borrow his donkey.  "It is out on loan," the teacher replied.  At that moment, the donkey brayed loudly inside the stable.  "But I can hear it bray, over there."  "Whom do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil. Replied Voltaire, "This is no time to make new enemies."
A sad spectacle.  If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.\n-- Thomas Carlyle, looking at the stars
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.\n-- Oscar Wilde, "The Portrait of Mr. W.H."
Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?\n-- Robert Browning, "Andrea del Sarto"
All hope abandon, ye who enter here!\n-- Dante Alighieri
All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.\n-- Chuang-tzu
All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.\n-- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God.  Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.\n-- Russell Hoban, "Pilgermann"
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.\n-- Kahlil Gibran
Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."\n-- Muad'dib, "Dune"
As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence.  Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.\n-- Joseph Brodsky
At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul.  At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.\n-- Kahlil Gibran
At the end of your life there'll be a good rest, and no further activities are scheduled.
At the foot of the mountain, thunder|\nThe image of Providing Nourishment. Thus the superior man is careful of his words And temperate in eating and drinking.
Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.\n-- Jean Anouilh
Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.\n-- Gene Wolfe, "The Claw of the Conciliator"
Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser.  But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.\n-- The Mahabharata
By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.\n-- Titus Lucretius Carus
Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.\n-- Howard Chaykin
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.\n-- Robert Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love"
Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.\n-- Anatole France
Chapter 1 The story so far:\nIn the beginning the Universe was created.  This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.\n-- Douglas Adams, HHGG #2, (The Restaurant at the End of the Universe).
"Cheshire-Puss," she began, "would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"\n"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.\n"I don't care much where--" said Alice.\n"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.
Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.\n-- Herodotus
Coincidences are spiritual puns.\n-- G.K. Chesterton
Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.\n-- Erma Bombeck
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.\n-- R. Geis
Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Death is only a state of mind. Only it doesn't leave you much time to think about anything else.
Depart not from the path which fate has assigned you.
Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.\n-- R.E. Shay
Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.\n-- Joseph Heller, "God Knows"
Disease can be cured; fate is incurable.\n-- Chinese proverb
Ditat Deus.\n[God enriches]
Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
Do not seek death; death will find you.  But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.\n-- Dag Hammarskjold
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
Do what you can to prolong your life, in the hope that someday you'll learn what it's for.
Do your part to help preserve life on Earth -- by trying to preserve your own.
Don't abandon hope.  Your Captain Midnight decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
Don't go to bed with no price on your head.\n-- Baretta
Don't have good ideas if you aren't willing to be responsible for them.
Don't kid yourself.  Little is relevant, and nothing lasts forever.
Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything.
Don't stop to stomp ants when the elephants are stampeding.
Don't take life seriously, you'll never get out alive.
Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.\n-- Paul Tillich, German theologian.
Down with categorical imperative!
Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate and captain of your soul.
During the voyage of life, remember to keep an eye out for a fair wind; batten down during a storm; hail all passing ships; and fly your colors proudly.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair.  My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.\n-- W. Somerset Maughm, his last words
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.\n-- Woody Allen
Each man is his own prisoner, in solitary confinement for life.
Each of us bears his own Hell.\n-- Publius Vergilius Maro (Virgil)
Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.\n-- Groucho Marx's last words
Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.\n-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there.  What you choose to do with them is up to you.\n-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
Everything ends badly.  Otherwise it wouldn't end.
Everything in this book may be wrong.\n-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
Everything is possible.  Pass the word.\n-- Rita Mae Brown, "Six of One"
Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.\n-- Marcus Aurelius
Expansion means complexity; and complexity decay.
Facts are the enemy of truth.\n-- Don Quixote
Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.\n-- Sir Walter Raleigh
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
Faith is under the left nipple.\n-- Martin Luther
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.\n-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
For good, return good. For evil, return justice.
For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.\n-- Albert Camus
For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
Force has no place where there is need of skill.\n-- Herodotus
FORTUNE'S RULES TO LIVE BY: #2\nNever goose a wolverine.
FORTUNE'S RULES TO LIVE BY: #23\nDon't cut off a police car when making an illegal U-turn.
From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.\n-- Bertolt Brecht
Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.\n-- Miyamoto Musashi, 1645
Getting into trouble is easy.\n-- D. Winkel and F. Prosser
Getting there is only half as far as getting there and back.
Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.\n-- William Faulkner
God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.
God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.\n-- De Caussade
God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.\n-- Alfred Jarry
God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.\n-- Paul Valery
Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored.\n-- George Saunders' dying words
Goodbye, cool world.
Got a dictionary?  I want to know the meaning of life.
Great acts are made up of small deeds.\n-- Lao Tsu
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.\n-- Ogden Nash
Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
Happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you have.
Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.\n-- Oscar Levant
Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.\n-- Socrates
He has shown you, o man, what is good.  And what does the Lord ask of you, but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly before your God?
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.\n-- Sir Richard Burton
He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.\n-- B. Franklin
He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.\n-- Albert Camus
He who knows not and knows that he knows not is ignorant.  Teach him. He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool.  Shun him. He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep.  Wake him.
He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friend's wife's brother knows nothing,\nhe knows something.  Or something like that.
He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.\n-- Lao Tsu
He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.\n-- Lao Tsu
He who knows, does not speak.  He who speaks, does not know.\n-- Lao Tsu
...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it.  Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.\n-- Umberto Eco, "The Name of the Rose"
Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished|\nif you're alive, it isn't.
How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?\n-- Plato
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.\n-- William Allen White
I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives.  I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.\n-- Strange de Jim
I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.\n-- Chuang-tzu
I do not seek the ignorant; the ignorant seek me -- I will instruct them. I ask nothing but sincerity.  If they come out of habit, they become tiresome.\n-- I Ching
"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."\n-- Gotama Buddha
I hate dying.\n-- Dave Johnson
I have a simple philosophy|\nFill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.\n-- A. R. Longworth
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.\n-- Publilius Syrus
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.\n-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
I hope you're not pretending to be evil while secretly being good. That would be dishonest.
I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?\n-- St. Augustine
If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?\n-- Strange de Jim, "The Metasexuals"
If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.\n-- Friedrich Nietzsche
If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.\n-- Albert Schweitzer
If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.\n-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
If something has not yet gone wrong then it would ultimately have been beneficial for it to go wrong.
If the master dies and the disciple grieves, the lives of both have been wasted.
If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.\n-- Anatole France
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.\n-- Albert Camus
If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are headed.
If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.\n-- John Sinclair
If you are not for yourself, who will be for you? If you are for yourself, then what are you? If not now, when?
If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
If you find a solution and become attached to it, the solution may become your next problem.
If you fool around with something long enough, it will eventually break.
If you have to hate, hate gently.
If you have to think twice about it, you're wrong.
If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.\n-- Simone de Beauvoir
If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.\n-- Maslow
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
If you wait long enough, it will go away... after having done its damage. If it was bad, it will be back.
If you want divine justice, die.\n-- Nick Seldon
If your aim in life is nothing, you can't miss.
If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.\n-- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
Illusion is the first of all pleasures.\n-- Voltaire
Immortality -- a fate worse than death.\n-- Edgar A. Shoaff
In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.\n-- Lao Tsu
In order to discover who you are, first learn who everybody else is; you're what's left.
In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.
In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.\n-- Ann Frank
In the long run we are all dead.\n-- John Maynard Keynes
In the next world, you're on your own.
Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'\n-- M.D. Epstein
Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.\n-- Edgar W. Howe
Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.\n-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations.
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.\n-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
It is Fortune, not Wisdom, that rules man's life.
It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.\n-- Goethe
It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all.  And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.\n-- William James
It is only with the heart one can see clearly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.\n-- The Fox, 'The Little Prince"
It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as high as the eagle?
It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.\n-- Ronald Knox, "Let Dons Delight"
It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.\n-- Thomas Carlyle
It will be advantageous to cross the great stream ... the Dragon is on the wing in the Sky ... the Great Man rouses himself to his Work.
It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.\n-- Washlesky
It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.\n-- Stirling Moss
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
"It's today!" said Piglet.\n"My favorite day," said Pooh.
It's very inconvenient to be mortal -- you never know when everything may suddenly stop happening.
Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.\n-- Buckaroo Bonzai
Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.\n-- Muad'dib [Frank Herbert, "Dune"]
Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.\n-- James Thurber
Life can be so tragic -- you're here today and here tomorrow.
Life exists for no known purpose.
Life is a grand adventure -- or it is nothing.\n-- Helen Keller
Life is knowing how far to go without crossing the line.
Life is like a 10 speed bicycle.  Most of us have gears we never use.\n-- C. Schultz
Life is like a sewer.  What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.\n-- Tom Lehrer
Life is the childhood of our immortality.\n-- Goethe
Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.\n-- Joseph Pintauro
Life is the urge to ecstasy.
Life may have no meaning, or, even worse, it may have a meaning of which you disapprove.
Life only demands from you the strength you possess. Only one feat is possible -- not to have run away.\n-- Dag Hammarskjold
Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.\n-- Thomas J. Kopp
Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is published around the world -- even if what is published is not true.\n-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
Living in the complex world of the future is somewhat like having bees live in your head.  But, there they are.
Loneliness is a terrible price to pay for independence.
Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?\n-- Kahlil Gibran, "The Prophet"
Man's reach must exceed his grasp, for why else the heavens?
[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.\n-- S. Kierkegaard
Mohandas K. Gandhi often changed his mind publicly.  An aide once asked him how he could so freely contradict this week what he had said just last week. The great man replied that it was because this week he knew better.
Murphy was an optimist.
Murphy's Law is recursive.  Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.\n-- Lao Tsu
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.\n-- Albert Einstein
My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.\n-- Christopher Morley
Nasrudin called at a large house to collect for charity.  The servant said "My master is out."  Nasrudin replied, "Tell your master that next time he goes out, he should not leave his face at the window.  Someone might steal it."
Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to serve him.  Nasrudin said, "First things first.  Did you see me walk into your shop?"\n"Of course."\n"Have you ever seen me before?"\n"Never."\n"Then how do you know it was me?"
Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun."\n"Why?", he was asked.\n"Because at night we need the light more."
Nasrudin was carrying home a piece of liver and the recipe for liver pie. Suddenly a bird of prey swooped down and snatched the piece of meat from his hand.  As the bird flew off, Nasrudin called after it, "Foolish bird!  You have the liver, but what can you do with it without the recipe?"
Ninety percent of everything is crap.\n-- Theodore Sturgeon
Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.\n-- Augustine
No matter where I go, the place is always called "here".
No use getting too involved in life -- you're only here for a limited time.
Nobody ever ruined their eyesight by looking at the bright side of something.
Nonsense and beauty have close connections.\n-- E.M. Forster
Normal times may possibly be over forever.
Not every question deserves an answer.
Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.
Nothing is as simple as it seems at first\nOr as hopeless as it seems in the middle\nOr as finished as it seems in the end.
Nothing is but what is not.
Nothing is ever a total loss; it can always serve as a bad example.
Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.\n-- Michel de Montaigne
Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.\n-- Arthur Balfour
Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this|\nto know so much and have control over nothing.\n-- Herodotus
Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.\n-- H.R. Haldeman
Once you've tried to change the world you find it's a whole bunch easier to change your mind.
One learns to itch where one can scratch.\n-- Ernest Bramah
One meets his destiny often on the road he takes to avoid it.
One monk said to the other, "The fish has flopped out of the net! How will it live?" The other said, "When you have gotten out of the net, I'll tell you."
Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.\n-- Baba Ram Dass
Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.\n-- Lao Tsu
Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.\n-- Laurie Anderson
Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.\n-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Perhaps the biggest disappointments were the ones you expected anyway.
Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.\n-- John Keats
Push where it gives and scratch where it itches.
Reality always seems harsher in the early morning.
Reality does not exist -- yet.
Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?\n-- Patrick Sky
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.\n-- Alvy Ray Smith
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction.
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.\n-- Lily Tomlin
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".\n-- Philip K. Dick
Remember, Grasshopper, falling down 1000 stairs begins by tripping over the first one.\n-- Confusion
Rule of Life #1 -- Never get separated from your luggage.
Seeing is believing.  You wouldn't have seen it if you hadn't believed it.
Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.\n-- Long Chen Pa
So little time, so little to do.\n-- Oscar Levant
Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.\n-- Seneca
Sometimes you get an almost irresistible urge to go on living.
Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard.  If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.\n-- Chuang Tzu
Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.\n-- "Buddhist Symbolism", Symbols and Values
Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.\n-- Martin Luther
Take your dying with some seriousness, however.  Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less advanced life forms, and they'll call you crazy.\n-- "Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul"
That that is is that that is not is not.
That, that is, is. That, that is not, is not. That, that is, is not that, that is not. That, that is not, is not that, that is.
The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.\n-- A. Camus
The best you get is an even break.\n-- Franklin Adams
"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."\n-- G. Fitch
The chief cause of problems is solutions.\n-- Eric Sevareid
The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.\n-- Alfred Adler
The days are all empty and the nights are unreal.
The door is the key.
The farther you go, the less you know.\n-- Lao Tsu, "Tao Te Ching"
The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.\n-- Maurice Chapelain, "Main courante"
The first requisite for immortality is death.\n-- Stanislaw Lem
The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.\n-- Sophocles
The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.\n-- Marcus Terentius Varro
The major sin is the sin of being born.\n-- Samuel Beckett
The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy.  What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.\n-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.\n-- Lao Tsu
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
The moss on the tree does not fear the talons of the hawk.
The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true.  It is the chief occupation of mankind.\n-- H.L. Mencken
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.\n-- J. Robert Oppenheimer, "Bulletin of Atomic Scientists"
Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently.  The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.\n-- James Cabell, "The Silver Stallion"
The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases|\n"Let our thoughts be correct".\n-- Confucius
The price of success in philosophy is triviality.\n-- C. Glymour.
The questions remain the same.  The answers are eternally variable.
The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.\n-- Damon Runyon
The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.\n-- Francis Bacon
The savior becomes the victim.
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.\n-- Alexandre Arnoux, "Etudes et caprices"
The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground.  It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.\n-- Franz Kafka
The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.\n-- Oscar Wilde
The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.\n-- Lenny Bruce
The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.\n-- Stanley Kubrick
The truth you speak has no past and no future.  It is, and that's all it needs to be.
The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.\n-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.\n-- Baba Ram Dass
There are no winners in life, only survivors.