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Sci-fi novel now available from DC member kyrathaba!

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Perry Mowbray:
OK, I'm re-reading from 'revised thru Ch15'

Prologue
Paragraph 9.4: "One thing’s for sure: unless the aliens are evolved into pure energy, or they have metabolisms much, much more hardened to radiation than ours" Should that be 'have evolved'?

Paragraph 9.5 "Today is Thursday, June 7, 2283. As I write this, I have lived 260 meters beneath the char-broiled surface of good old planet Earth for 2,558 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes and counting." I think it should be 'charbroiled' as WikiPedia seems to suggest that char-broiled refers to a brand? I guess the concept is "having the food slightly charred in texture"?

Paragraph 9.5 "My implant tells me this. I know it’s accurate because it is self-contained and shielded..." Is there confusion what 'it' is referring to? Either 'My implant' or 'this'? The information is accurate, tho' the implant is self-contained & shielded.  :-\ I've read this numerous times before and not had a problem before, it was just now I connected 'accurate' to 'this', which then didn't make sense of the 'self-contained / shielded'.

Paragraph 9.10 "It was a play on words, as most beverages now were mostly if not entirely composed of water recycled from the compound’s waste management units." I would add punctuation here: 'mostly, if not entirely, composed', not sure if that's right or not?

Paragraph 9.10 "Sethra made it a deliberate practice to not think about its contents." does he mean 'origins | contents' origins'?

kyrathaba:
Thanks, 4wd and Perry. Your corrections have been implemented, and uploaded as "4wd_Perry_26June.zip" in the OP. I've also updated the online HTML version.

Perry Mowbray:
Chapter 1
Paragraph 10.2 "Sethra tuned out, as he frequently did in these weekly meetings, and accessed his implant by sending the sound of subvocalized words transmitting through the bones of his face, where they were picked up, filtered, and recorded by his implant." Is 'sending' the right word? i.e. sending where? Should it be 'subvocalizing his words, which transmits the sounds through the bones of his face, ...'??

Paragraph 10.4 "The old man isn’t looking so hot, himself Sethra decided." Should that be 'The old man isn’t looking so hot himself, Sethra decided.'

Paragraph 10.6 "And administrator, a goodly fraction of the remaining survivors are either children" Should that be 'And Administrator'?

Paragraph 10.6 "I’m telling you, you’re plan is too little, and much too late." Should be 'your'

Paragraph 10.6 "If those surviving four hundred don’t include the best of our medical staff, then I’d give us no more than nine months from today before we’re dead in the water, maybe a couple or three dozen unlucky ones still clinging to life but unable to help themselves or anyone else!" I'd add the punctuation 'life, but'

Paragraph 10.8 “Resume dictation. Dr. Hasser has his head on straight, and the Administrator has his head in the clouds, perhaps saying hello to the aliens, if they’re still up there, and politely and charmingly asking for their help in ‘Project Moving Deeper.’” Should be ‘Project Moving Deeper’."

Paragraph 10.8 "The oversized data flatscreens mounted high up, one in each quadrant along the curving wall. Showing diagrams of the whole compound, camera views of designated locations on five-second intervals, environmental readouts." Would that run better as one sentence? 'The oversized data flatscreens mounted high up, one in each quadrant along the curving wall, showing diagrams of the whole compound, camera views of designated locations on five-second intervals, environmental readouts.'?

Also: I think flatscreens is generally written 'flat-screens' or 'flat screens'?

Paragraph 10.19 "They were engrossed in what they had come to call their ‘post-meeting therapy session.’" "Should that be ‘post-meeting therapy session’."?

Paragraph 10.20 "We’ll have to reassign all droids from non-essential Core duties, to help shore up our weak human work contingent." Would that read better as 'to help shore up our weakened human workforce.'

Paragraph 10.27 "constantly sending telemetry back to the home planet" Does he mean 'sending telemetry back home'?

Paragraph 10.27 "Do you really believe that some race of aliens were able to totally and completely surprise us?" Should that be 'was' for the singular 'race of aliens'??

Paragraph 10.31 "If these aliens were sophisticated enough to slay a quarter of the population with a long-range electronic virus they bathed the planet in before they were even all the way in-system, then there was no need for a nuclear strike." Just a little clumsy reading it out... how about 'If these aliens were sophisticated enough to slay a quarter of the population with a long-range electronic virus, then there was no need for a nuclear strike.'

kyrathaba:
Thanks, Perry. Implemented, and will be reflected when I upload a zip containing Chapter 16.

kyrathaba:
Chapter 16 written. Manuscript re-uploaded to OP.

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