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Sci-fi novel now available from DC member kyrathaba!
4wd:
You might have picked these up in your proofing.
Prologue:
“Thanks for the ‘UT’, buddy. He set his cup on the table, then slid the data chip across the table. You keep that damned safe, S-man. We’ll talk later. Door, open for guest to exit.”
--- End quote ---
Missing quotes:
“Thanks for the ‘UT’, buddy.” He set his cup on the table, then slid the data chip across the table. “You keep that damned safe, S-man. We’ll talk later. Door, open for guest to exit.”
Chapter 1:
...and maybe a couple dozen meter deeper.
--- End quote ---
...and maybe a couple of dozen meters deeper.
Sallow-faced, and he had to have been even notably fatter, six months ago, than he appeared to be today.
--- End quote ---
Possibly:
Sallow-faced, he also appeared to be noticeably [leaner|thinner] than he had appeared six months [previous|ago].
...trying to take the emotional temperature of the group as a whole.
--- End quote ---
Possibly:
...trying to [gauge|judge] the emotional temperature of the group as a whole.
“Ease down off that railing and I’ll answer both questions, in either order you prefer,” quipped Sethra.
--- End quote ---
I'm probably being unusually dense but every time I read that, I keep wondering what the other question is/was.
Such puling drivel just about justifies their slow deaths he reflected.
--- End quote ---
The 'just about justifies' feels strange to me, possibly:
Such puling drivel almost justifies their slow deaths he reflected.
Chapter 2:
...and power cells to run them for up to at least thirty-six hours.
--- End quote ---
It feels a bit contradictory to me, ie. the 'up to' specifies a time limit of 36 hours, whereas the 'at least' specifies a minimum of 36 hours. Possibly:
...and power cells to run them at least thirty-six hours.
Nothing will hinge on one single weak leak in the chain.
--- End quote ---
I think Perry mentioned this one and I'm sure there's been updates since but it still seems to be there: link
...once we go under into immersion, ...
--- End quote ---
The 'go under' feels redundant coupled with immersion but it's a 50/50 thing, maybe:
...once we're immersed, ...
That night Veronne stayed with Sethra in his cubicle.
--- End quote ---
Veronee
kyrathaba:
Exodore, please feel free to share any errors or style corrections you see that need to be implemented. I cannot have too many beta-reader eyes on this manuscript.
@4wd:
Missing quotes:
“Thanks for the ‘UT’, buddy.” He set his cup on the table, then slid the data chip across the table. “You keep that damned
safe, S-man. We’ll talk later. Door, open for guest to exit.”
--- End quote ---
I'd missed that one in my own review of the Prologue. Had prematurely congratulated myself that the Prologue had no
errors, LOL. Thanks, 4wd!
...and maybe a couple of dozen meters deeper.
--- End quote ---
I did catch this in my review.
Sallow-faced, he also appeared to be noticeably [leaner|thinner] than he had appeared six months [previous|ago].
--- End quote ---
Changed to:
Sallow-faced, he appeared to now be noticeably thinner than he had appeared six months ago.
...trying to [gauge|judge] the emotional temperature of the group as a whole.
--- End quote ---
Replaced "take" with "gauge". Good suggestion.
I'm probably being unusually dense but every time I read that, I keep wondering what the other question is/was.
--- End quote ---
Nope, you're not being dense. It was a case of I thought I'd written two questions, but I hadn't! Yikes!
Corrected to:
“Ease down off that railing and I’ll answer that question,” urged Sethra.
The 'just about justifies' feels strange to me, possibly:
Such puling drivel almost justifies their slow deaths he reflected.
--- End quote ---
Great catch! Fixed.
It feels a bit contradictory to me, ie. the 'up to' specifies a time limit of 36 hours, whereas the 'at least'
specifies a minimum of 36 hours. Possibly:
...and power cells to run them at least thirty-six hours.
--- End quote ---
Fixed.
I think Perry mentioned this one and I'm sure there's been updates since but it still seems to be there: link
--- End quote ---
I'd caught that it my review. Thanks.
The 'go under' feels redundant coupled with immersion but it's a 50/50 thing, maybe:
--- End quote ---
Corrected to:
once we go undergo immersion,
That night Veronne stayed with Sethra in his cubicle.
--- End quote ---
Fixed.
Thanks 4wd!
I'm going to upload these corrections, along with the results of my fine-toothed combing of Prologue up through Chapter 8. The upload in the OP will be called "reviewed_thru_8.zip".
kyrathaba:
Ok, that upload is done, and I've also updated the online HTML version of the existing manuscript. This morning, I start with Chapter 9 and continue combing. Looking forward to resuming writing additional material (Chapters 16 forward) very soon!
Again, let me stress how incredibly helpful your beta-reading has been! Literally scores of problems found and fixed. No wonder so many self-publishers flop. I can't understand how anyone could bypass betareading/proofing.
4wd:
I found the couple or so days of not having updates let me put it aside and then start looking at it afresh....onto chapter 3 later :)
I'm going to end up knowing this book better than my all time favourite: The Stainless Steel Ratw
kyrathaba:
Chapter 9 combed. Found a few errors, but generally in good shape. Moving on to Chapter 10...
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