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Sci-fi novel now available from DC member kyrathaba!
Perry Mowbray:
Thanks! Made many corrections.
My current manuscript has the following. You do have the most recent one?
-kyrathaba (June 26, 2013, 05:08 PM)
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OK, I'm re-reading from 'revised thru Ch15'
-Perry Mowbray (June 26, 2013, 06:35 AM)
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:-[ Difficult when it updates and you're in the middle of reading. If we were working on a GoogleDoc (or other auto-update) it wouldn't matter ;)
What's the difference between the communications console and chiming? Or maybe none? It seemed that the communications console was recorded / official but the internal chiming was less so??
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Exactly so. Chimes are encrypted, non-recordable messages that are sent wirelessly among people's implants by a conscious act of will. An implant can record real-time audio/video, as Sethra did in Chapter 1's meeting, when Dr. Hasser gave his little speech. But their chiming function (more sophisticated form of today's Skyping, perhaps) is designed so that it cannot be used in an incriminating fashion or for entrapment. Part of the Personal Electronic Liberties & Freedoms Act of 2107.
-kyrathaba (June 26, 2013, 05:08 PM)
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I figured that would have to be the case, but thought that those facts could have worked their way into the story to help the reader more. For example I would have thought that Matteo would have had a big question over all the chiming about official / work issues during his interaction with the security chief?
kyrathaba:
Matteo would have had a big question over all the chiming about official / work issues during his interaction with the security chief?
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He probably wondered. However, Covington's first words after switching to private chime was something along the lines of "How you holding up, buckeroo?" A friendly, private inquiry, perhaps a private indication that Matteo is a favorite of his. That would have to some extent allayed Matteo's suspicion.
kyrathaba:
Difficult when it updates and you're in the middle of reading. If we were working on a GoogleDoc (or other auto-update) it wouldn't matter
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For my next book, perhaps we could find a free Tortoise SVN repository hosting site that allows multiple download-only users.
4wd:
A quick run through chapter 16, kind of getting caught up in other things atm.
Chapter 16:
Her chime containd only two pieces of information: her location, and an urgent request for him to come immediately.
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contained
The tech turned crimson; she hadn’t realized the pickup sensitivity of the mic Dr. Ericson wore.
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I think you could drop 'pickup'.
The tech turned crimson; she hadn’t realized the sensitivity of the mic Dr. Ericson wore.
He’d seen divers suffer decompression benz, and didn’t ever want to experience it.
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I believe it's decompression sickness or the bends.
We’ll secure the tunnel on our end, as a precaution.
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50/50
We’ll secure the tunnel at our end, as a precaution.
“Still, we don’t want to allow free access to our cavern to these creatures just yet.”
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“Still, we don’t want to allow free access to our cavern by these creatures just yet.”
And the implications this will have for us as deep dwellers, survivors from the surface.
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Feels like it's unfinished starting with 'And', perhaps if it's meant to be an exclamation possibly drop the 'And', and seeing it's an exciting moment you could probably get away with an exclamation mark at the end which would finalise it.
The most likely source of all that water is the river flowing through this cavern. Not only does it rush powerfully along its main channel, but it’s the likeliest source of whatever complex of flooded caves may exist beneath the cavern.
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Possibly just me but these two sentences seem slightly garbled in my brain, especially the second - it may be the duplicated likely|likeliest that somehow makes me reference the second back to the first.
Perry Mowbray:
I'm reading the HTML...
and I’ve got someone tracking down Dr. Pilsner down by the geothermal infrastructure construction site
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Extra 'down'
It began to scoot centimeter by centimeter toward Grant’s position, sphere still held out in its palm.
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Do you mean 'scoot', which implies some speed, or edge | crab?
Then it turned, and swam back out into the underwater cave until it was beyond the range of Grant’s helmet light.
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After Grants previous meticulous scientific observations I was hoping for something a little more descriptive than 'swam' ;)
“If there is more than just the one creature,” said Mephord.
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Emphasis? “If there is more than just the one creature,” said Mephord.
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