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Sci-fi novel now available from DC member kyrathaba!
4wd:
Chapter 10:
Mephord stood at the podium and looked out over the community...
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I think the above is redundant, you stated in the previous paragraph where he was standing, so:
Mephord looked out over the community...
Our overall population in A-3 has increased by two in ....
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“Our overall population in A-3 has increased by two in ....
“May we continue to increase in numbers, until we again swell to fill this compound. ...
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The 'swell' seems to be redundant due to the preceding 'increase in numbers', but it does have a slightly more emotional overtone, so possibly:
“May our numbers continue to swell until we again fill this compound. ...
... drilled down ever further at at thirty-degree slope ...
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... drilled down ever further at a thirty-degree slope ...
... and she added that task to her implant task list.
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'task is possibly redundant:
... and she added that to her implant task list.
Perry Mowbray:
I'll stick with metric.
-kyrathaba (June 17, 2013, 10:13 PM)
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Eh? Where? Surely you don't call "inch / foot / mile" metric? ;)
kyrathaba:
No. I've changed those to metric: the spaceship isn't 2 miles in diameter, it's 3.2 km. Zuzana's staff isnt 7 foot, its (roughly) 1.75 meters.
kyrathaba:
@4wd: excellent feedback. I'll make the edits tomorrow.
4wd:
No. I've changed those to metric: the spaceship isn't 2 miles in diameter, it's 3.2 km. Zuzana's staff isnt 7 foot, its (roughly) 1.75 meters.-kyrathaba (June 17, 2013, 10:34 PM)
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2.1 meters would put you closer to the mark but, personally, unless the story relies upon exact measurements for something I'd be rounding to the nearest convenient whole unit.
eg. spaceship approximately 3km in diameter and staff 2 meters long.
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