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What's your favorite LOL joke?

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sajman99:
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert. After setting up their tent, they go to sleep. Several hours later The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend.
"Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asks The Lone Ranger. Tonto ponders for a minute and replies.....
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.  Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant by comparison. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"
The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Tonto, you dumbass, someone has stolen our tent!"

momonan:
A trucker is transporting some valuable penguins from the Philadelphia Zoo to the Bronx Zoo during a heat wave in August, when his large refrigerated truck breaks down not far from the Bronx.  Just as the penguins are about to expire, the trucker waives down an icecream vendor and offers him $500 to take the penguins to the Bronx Zoo.  The icecream vendor agrees and off they go.

Several hours later, the truck is fixed and the trucker goes to the Bronx Zoo to check on his penguins.  They are nowhere to be seen.  He puts out an alert and gets all of the New City police searching for the penguins.

Finally, he sees a large crowd and commotion outside a movie theater in Times Square.  There in the middle of things is the icecream vendor and all the penguins.  The trucker charges up to the icecream vendor and asks him what on earth the penguins are doing THERE and why he didn't take them to the zoo.

To which the icecream vendor replies:  "I DID take them to the zoo. But I had some money left over, so I decided to take them to the movies."

mouser:
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
that penguin zoo joke is one of my favorites, way back from when you first told it to me many years ago ;)

Target:
apologies to blondes everywhere, but this is one of my faves...

a blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices a 'peel and WIN' sticker on her cup.

So she peels it off and starts screaming "I'VE WON A MOTORHOME!! I'VE WON A MOTORHOME!!"

The waitress says to her "that's impossible, the biggest prize is a free lunch..."

but the blonde keeps screaming "I'VE WON A MOTORHOME!! I'VE WON A MOTORHOME!!"

Finally the manager comes over and says "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but your mistaken.  You couldn't possibly have won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize"

the blonde looks at him and says "it's no mistake, I'VE WON A MOTORHOME!!" and hands him the ticket

and he reads...

    "WIN A BAGEL"

40hz:
A long-haul driver stopped off at a truck stop, parked his 18-wheeler along the side of the building, and went inside to get something to eat.
 
After sitting down at the mostly empty counter, he chatted with the waitress a bit and settled on a cheeseburger, a cup of coffee, and a slice of homemade apple pie which the waitress had recommended highly.
 
But no sooner did his meal get put in front of him, when in walked three members of an outlaw motorcycle gang.

The gang members surveyed the room, spotted the solo trucker, exchanged evil smiles with each other, and walked over to where he was sitting. One sat down on the trucker's left, the other sat down on the trucker's right, while the biggest biker stood directly behind the hapless man.

Without saying a word, the biker on the left started eating the driver's cheeseburger. The biker, who was standing, reached around and picked up the driver's coffee and proceeded to drink it. And the biker on the right picked up a fork and helped himself to a huge mouthful of the driver's apple pie, afterwhich he took the check the waitress had left on the counter, rolled it up like a cigarette, and stuck it in the driver's mouth.

The driver carefully stood up, took the check out of his mouth, slowly unrolled it, and then handed it to the waitress with a twenty dollar bill before walking out the door without so much as a single word or backwards glance.

The bikers were by now beside themselves with laughter. When they finally caught their breath, one of them looked up at the waitress who was calmly wiping the counter.

"Hey Honey!" the biggest biker said. "That trucker...he wasn't much of a man was he."

The waitress looked up and smiled briefly. "Apparently he wasn't much of a trucker either. He just drove over three motorcycles on his way out of the parking lot..."

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