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silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

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IainB:
@Arizona Hot: Those are really useful ideas. Thanks!    :Thmbsup:
(No, seriously.)

I park my car in the street, and it used to get broken into by opportunistic car thieves, but no more.
I developed a highly successful anti-theft device for my car (true story):

* There are typically 4 strips of 3 segments of scrunched-up toilet roll tissue with soaked-up, dried-on cinnamon coffee and 3 others with soaked-up dried-on red wine. These scrunched-up pieces of toilet tissue are scattered around the seats of the car, in full visibility.
* There are also a few "wing" sanitary pads with dried-on cinnamon coffee and red wine stains, scrunched-up and randomly scattered on the floor in front and back.
* There is a partially paid-out toilet roll between the front seats, and there is a kiddie booster seat in the back, with a kitchen roll next to it, sort of partially paid out and scrunched-up, with dried-up yellow stains on (looks like vomit, but is mustard).
* There are 4 used condoms with solidified white wood glue inside them on the floor of the front passenger seat.
* The inside of the car looks utterly disgusting from the outside, but the cinnamon coffee and wine aromas make it smell quite nice, and it takes but a few seconds to tidy these items into a plastic bag and to redistribute them prior to vacating the car.
* There are pieces of fresh/dried lavender scattered around the footwells in front. It looks very messy. I love the perfume - it reminds me of my mother (was one of her favourite plants). I detest those "car air fresheners", they literally make me want to puke.
Such a disgusting-looking car.
 :D

IainB:
@Arizona Hot: I used to have to do a lot of flying. I once read a suggestion that, to get more space on long-haul flights, a good trick was to board the aircraft as early as possible, armed with a roll of toilet-tissue. One then places a single piece of toilet-roll tissue on each of the seats in one's row.
One then sits, holding one's toilet-roll almost reverently, and stares intently straight ahead.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, nobody wants to sit next to that guy with the toilet-roll. I tried it. Works every time, except sometimes on overbooked flights, but you can see their discomfiture.

Arizona Hot:
silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

Trump’s Nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize Was Apparently Forged. Twice

Could anyone here really believe that Trump could win the Nobel Peace Prize?

barney:
Maybe the Nobel Piece Prize?

Shades:
Given the latest allegations, you might have to nominate Trump for the Nobel Sleaze Prize...

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