Main Area and Open Discussion > Living Room

silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]

<< < (316/1232) > >>

kyrathaba:
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks.
"I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim.
But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus
is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim.
"How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat
of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim.
Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... no. In fact,
he got out three times to pee."

kyrathaba:
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after
his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.
My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible.
Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, He said,
'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

kyrathaba:
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church,
enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his
attention but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin,
there's no paper on this side either!"

IainB:
Illuminated script.
A new monk arrived at a monastery.  He was assigned to help the other monks in copying the old illuminated texts by hand.  He noticed however, that they were copying from copies, and not the original manuscripts held in the scriptorium.  So he went to Father Florian (the Armarius of the Scriptorium) to ask him about this.  He pointed out that if there was an error in the first copy, then that error would be continued in all of the other copies.

Father Florian said, "The monks of this monastery have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son. I shall check on this right now."

So saying, Father Florian went down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.  Hours went by and nobody saw him come back up.  Eventually, one of the monks went downstairs to look for him.  He heard sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, and found the old monk leaning on a table, on which were open the copy and the original manuscript.  The old man was crying.

The monk said to Father Florian, "What's wrong father?"

The old monk replied in a choked voice, "The word is 'celebrate'! "

TaoPhoenix:
...
The old monk replied in a choked voice, "The word is 'celebrate'! "
-IainB (May 06, 2013, 08:52 AM)
--- End quote ---

That's a good joke Iain. The even better part is it's somewhat true!

http://www.revelife.com/710024434/thou-shalt-commit-adultery-bible-misprint/

"A 1631 King James Bible, known as the "Wicked Bible," is on display through Sept. 6 at the Hardin Center as a special limited addition to the exhibit "Ink & Blood: Dead Sea Scrolls to Gutenberg." Meant to be a reprint of the King James Bible, the Wicked Bible contains an error in Exodus 20:14, where the Seventh Commandment reads, "Thou shalt commit adultery." The printers, Robert Barker and Martin Lucas, are said to have been fined 300 pounds for the offense, a huge sum at that time, and had their printers' license revoked. Many believe that the error was deliberate on the part of a typesetter to discredit the printer. A thousand "Wicked Bibles" were printed, but King Charles I ordered them to be destroyed, making the "Wicked Bible" one of the rarest English Bibles in history. It is believed that only 11 of the original 1,000 have survived. The remaining "Wicked Bibles" are very seldom on public display; the one in the rare books collection of the New York Public Library is almost never made accessible to the public."

From another article:
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-the-wicked-bible.htm

"The Wicked Bible also contains a second lesser-known error in the book of Deuteronomy. Instead of translating one passage as the Lord showing his "glory and greatness," the verse actually suggests the Lord showed His glory and "great arse." Had this second, and in some ways even more egregious, typographical error been discovered in time, Barker and Lucas may have been forced to pay a much higher price for their unfortunate errors."

I just moved to NYC, so now it's almost a Holy Grail! Indiana Jones and Monty Python, here we come!
:D

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page