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silly humor - post 'em here! [warning some NSFW and adult content]
IainB:
Why did they have to spell the word "dyslexia" that way?
IainB:
* A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? A: He walks around saying, "Yo".
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In New York today, two dyslexic bank robbers ran into a bank shouting, "Air in the hands motherstickers, this is a f#ckup!"
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Dyslexics have more fnu.
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A slightly dyslexic signwriter was putting up a sign for a new shop called BRAT'S, but the sign read "PRAT'S". The signwriter had just finished when the owner came out to check the sign.
"You can't put that there!" said the owner, appalled at the mistake.
"Why? What's wrong with it?" said the dyslexic signwriter.
"You got it wrong, you've put P...R...A...T...'S - it should be B...R...A...T...'S !" he spelt out.
"Oh my god!" exclaimed the dyslexic signwriter in great agitation.
"What's so awful? You only have to correct the first letter!" said the owner.
"That's not the problem, I've just come from doing a new sign for the LONDON BRICK company!"
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* Dyslexics. Try deliberately spelling words wrongly. This way at least you have a chance of spelling them correctly.
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Psychiatric hotline.
From the new answering service recently installed at the Royal College of Psychiatry:
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no-one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 0 0 0.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."
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IainB:
The BBC reports today:
DNA Confirms Parking Lot Remains Belong To King Richard III
British police are describing this as "Another worrying sign of the increase in violence in poorly-lit carparks", and question what Richard was doing there in the first place, as "He may have been up to no good.".
--- End quote ---
Renegade:
^^@Iain - Lvoe teh dislicksia jkoes!
IainB:
Present for the Rabbi.
A Jewish congregation in suburban Boston honours its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid.
When he walks into his hotel room, he finds a beautiful nude woman lying on the bed.
She greets the Rabbi with: "Hi Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that the President of the Temple arranged for you."
The Rabbi is incensed.
He picks up the phone, calls the President of the Temple and shouts, "Greenblatt, what were you thinking? Where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our religious community! I am very angry with you and you have not heard the end of this."
Hearing this, the naked woman gets up and starts to get dressed.
The Rabbi turns to her and says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."
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