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Messages - Perry Mowbray [ switch to compact view ]

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26
That's a nice comment... altho the "if I ever try my hand" is probably quite realistic.

Now, if she'd said she'd only read it because of the great cover, I may be able to raise my commision ;)

27
Yes: when I first learned some years ago of Google's support of the Shweeb (Seen operating here in New Zealand) I thought there had to be better (ie faster) ways of moving... but this sounds quite different.

28
Awesome interview posted on Mahesh's "Fiction Fresh" blog!

http://fictionfresh.wordpress.com/2013/08/09/interview-william-bryan-miller-kyrathaba-rising/

When I sell people autographed copies, I either hand-deliver the book for $10.80, or send it via post, tacking on shipping and handling charges.

I'll take the hand delivered option thanks  ;)

29
Just loaded it up on my hand-me-down Nook. (EPub looks fantastic - love the cover!)

Perry is amazing isn't he? He's also the reason paperbacks are now available. I couldn't wrap my head around the CreateSpace exacting specifications for front/spine/back graphic.

So it's working now? I've still got my breath held ;)

30
Chapter 7 culled. Beginning Chapter 8.

If you don't stop posting here and hurry up there's going to be trouble!  >:(

31
Chapter 6 done. Found a sentence repeated  :sick:

Will start with Chapter 7 tomorrow.

I took down the previous version and am waiting until you've ready to give me the next version  :Thmbsup:

32
This sample is roughly 29% of the novel. Think that's giving too much away? I don't. I'm going to offer the first 50% of the book as a free preview on Smashwords.

Maybe taking out every second word would be interesting?  :P

33
Did u get my g+ msg?

Wait...you guys are secretly messaging in G+ behind my back?

 :(

It was all public  :Thmbsup:

We just thought you were listening, facing the other way...

34
Sucks? Well, it's just the carrot before the horse, me offering advance reading. The glory of the cover image will be obvious in the ebook formats. I sent you a google+ msg, though, in hopes of addressing your concern.

Just looking out for your best K (sorry, didn't mean to offend: it was a gentle sucks)... I'm not too concerned, just thought it could be better (without too much work). I noticed you did it in LibreOffice: your publisher doesn't export to PDF?

...just as long as it's not putting the cart before the carrot  ;)

35
That should ease your and 4wd's task.

We're trying (I'm sure K is amazed how trying we are ;) ), but it's just amazing what you miss along the way...

For those unaware, Perry also spent considerable time and effort creating a gorgeous book cover. Can't wait to hear mouser's comment when he sees it

Your PDF version sucks. Do you want me to fix it?

36
I had the whole thing wrapped up in chapter 4 with the death of Sethra indirectly through the effects of an overactive vagus nerve.

It's quite disconcerting how I only linked to a medical article in passing that mentioned the vagus nerve and 4wd has ripped it out and wont it let go: it now seems to be at the centre of every eventuality  ;D

37
We've locked in Prologue through Chapter 5. Now working on 6 and 7.

In your dreams... it's amazing what you find when you re-read  :P

38
Everyone has edit rights...
-Perry Mowbray (July 05, 2013, 07:36 AM)

I get it now... you were saying that everyone had been set up with edit rights.  d'oh.  I thought you were saying no matter what, everyone had edit rights.  :-[

Yep... sorry, should have been more explicit.

BTW: Just had a great couple of hours with kyrathaba & 4wd all playing at the same time :Thmbsup:

Other proofreaders always welcome... just let us know :)

39
Perry, have you set it up on Gdocs, and added us with the appropriate permissions? If so, shoot me a link and I'll start taking a look...

From the email that GDocs sends out you need to use the 'Open in new window' link, not the 'Show preview' link (as that seems to just open in GMail.

40
It depends on the settings on the document.  When being added, you have to be given the ability to comment.  It works very well, and versions.

Actually the settings are to allow:
  • Editing
  • Comments
  • Viewing

Everyone has edit rights...

41
I've used Gdocs as a group before and it's great fun... everyone editing at the same time in real time...

It may need some persistence to overcome your reluctance?

42
What's the consensus for feedback location?
-Perry Mowbray (July 04, 2013, 11:28 PM)

I'm easy, (so I'm told), I'll even make up a completely new Google login just for the occasion.

You're keen for GDoc then?
-Perry Mowbray (July 05, 2013, 12:29 AM)

I've never used it, so I can't say whether I'm keen or not.  But I can't imagine it taking me long to come to grips with it.

PM me your new Google address and I'll send you a link

43
What's the consensus for feedback location?
-Perry Mowbray (July 04, 2013, 11:28 PM)

I'm easy, (so I'm told), I'll even make up a completely new Google login just for the occasion.

You're keen for GDoc then?

44
What's the consensus for feedback location?

45
On the subject of feedback, do you want us to keep posting here or email you?  

I think it's useful for each other to see what each is proposing but you may not want to" give away" any more of the plot in an open forum.

I definitely appreciate seeing other people's suggestions, and often don't double up.

What about a GDoc or other private collaborative document? That way everyone can see each other's annotations.

46
I have moments like that, all the time. I think we all do.

Brain plasticity is an amazing thing, the lack of it is a bummer  :(

47
^ Did my triangle diagram help?

That's what I mean is odd... yes it did help, but not in terms of understanding (after writing my own CAD software I have a pretty good grasp of trigonometry), but in giving me a step up out of the mental rut my brain had furrowed... I guess everyone's different, but I'm amused that words were not creating the spatial recognition for me  ;)

48
Paragraph 17.3
"We’ve bored another fifty meters along that vector, achieving an increased depth of twenty-five meters." I'm not sure I understand 50 metres at 30 degrees = 25 metres depth?
(see attachment in previous post)
In the above diagram, we see the relationships of the angles and sides in a 30/60/90 degree triangle. Consider the hypotenuse in the image as the downward grade of the borer. The length along that hypotenuse has a 2:1 ratio to the vertical side of the triangle. Thus, 50 meters progress in boring down at a 30 degree angle equals an additional 25 meters in depth.


 :-[ It's odd how the brain gets into a thinking rut if you take a wrong turn... I'm still not sure why I didn't understand, but try as I might, the penny wouldn't drop. I even started factoring in the width of the tunnel, which only confused the issue more.

49
Chapter 9
Paragraph 18.3 "Small robot units the size of cats roamed the vast space." Not that I think you need to change this, but cats are very variable in size.

Paragraph 18.27 "somebody gets lost in the forest and winds up perambulating in circles for days" Is it just Byron? Most people would say 'walking' I think?

Paragraph 18.38 "some other data sets I felt would be helpful, loaded into the digital substrate in which our minds now reside." Would 'preloaded' be better / more accurate?

Paragraph 18.48
"Internally, the vast majority of the available volume of the ship was a huge lake of hydrogen dioxide." I'm not sure 'lake' fits this spherical description? Lake, for me, implies horizontal expanse. If it was vertical expanse, it'd be a well. If it's spherical, it'd be...  :-\  Is gravity (or lack there of) an issue here?

"dozens of meters beneath the surface of their lake." Does this imply them swimming level? As I'd think that without the direction that gravity gives that that wouldn't be the case?

"This land mass had relatively few surviving pockets of humanity" Should that be 'surprisingly'? I'm assuming that the aliens are not acquainted with the reasons for the low population density? Or had the government finally implemented Bradfield's inland water scheme and we drowned after the nukes?

"in comparison to what the aliens had learned that the natives referred to as North America and Europe." Should that be 'in comparison to what the aliens had learned of what the natives referred to as North America and Europe.'?

50
Excessive use of comma's was the thing that disrupted my reading most (and that mainly in prologue): I'm no grammatical expert, so your use of commas may be technically correct - but I found a few examples in the prologue where, if I read the text out loud, it would sound quite stilted. Maybe I read different to others, but I find I notice that without actually reading it out loud, and it distracts me from the content.

It's one of the reasons I made a comment back here about commas but, like you, I'm no grammatical expert either.

I must admit that I've been deferring to the Author thinking that it was maybe a more American way of writing? I'm certainly no expert... I find myself using commas often as I like to read slowly, but a comma before the last word of the sentence can change the meaning, eg:

3
“How can you be sure? Have you tested it?”
“Not fully, but it’s the genuine article, alright.”
-
try the read-out-loud test - the "..., alright" bit fails for me
“How can you be sure? Have you tested it?”
“Not fully, but it’s the genuine article[] alright.”


The use of the comma before 'alright' seems to make it a question rather than strengthening the statement. Do you think?

Jerking to his feet, he vomited a stream of expletives.
-
suggestion / "vomited" is too graphic and thereby distracts from content I find
Jerking to his
feet, he [spewed] a stream of expletives.

I think spewed is probably just as graphic as vomited, (well, in this country anyway), but I can't think of anything else offhand.

I always stumbled over 'vomited' when reading it, but figured that K was colourfully augmenting the event with Compound realities (sickness, irritability, etc) so didn't worry too much. I think spewed is less graphic than vomited, because vomited is slightly onomatopoeic  :-\

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