Chapter 9Paragraph 18.3 "Small robot units the
size of cats roamed the vast space." Not that I think you need to change this, but cats are very variable in size.
Paragraph 18.27 "somebody gets lost in the forest and winds up
perambulating in circles for days" Is it just Byron? Most people would say 'walking' I think?
Paragraph 18.38 "some other data sets I felt would be helpful,
loaded into the digital substrate in which our minds now reside." Would 'preloaded' be better / more accurate?
Paragraph 18.48
"Internally, the vast majority of the available volume of the ship was a huge
lake of hydrogen dioxide." I'm not sure 'lake' fits this spherical description? Lake, for me, implies horizontal expanse. If it was vertical expanse, it'd be a well. If it's spherical, it'd be...
Is gravity (or lack there of) an issue here?
"dozens of meters beneath the surface of their lake." Does this imply them swimming level? As I'd think that without the direction that gravity gives that that wouldn't be the case?
"This land mass had
relatively few surviving pockets of humanity" Should that be 'surprisingly'? I'm assuming that the aliens are not acquainted with the reasons for the low population density? Or had the government finally implemented
Bradfield's inland water scheme and we drowned after the nukes?
"in comparison to what the aliens had learned
that the natives referred to as
North America and
Europe." Should that be 'in comparison to what the aliens had learned of what the natives referred to as
North America and
Europe.'?